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Original poster

To stop telling me I need a GIRL

115 replies

snowbellsxox · 03/10/2022 17:05

We have two beautiful, wonderful sons quite close in age.
Almost daily I have women telling me I'm missing a daughter, am I going to try for a daughter, how close mothers and daughters are etc etc all of that
I never used to get it with my first it's since we have had our second
I find it hurtful for my children who I love dearly and love love having sons, to be honest gender never mattered to me
My gender reveals were quite boring haha! I wasn't one of those who fell to the floor just a ohhh woooop haha! No matter what the gender
But it seems to be getting into my head lately
I've even considered trying for one in the future because of how I'm being made to feel ......
Obviously OP gets you lucky B .... Blush

Anyone in the same boat or have any advice haha! Grrrrrrr

OP posts:
AdditionalCharacter · 03/10/2022 22:27

I have three boys, all teenagers now. I got that line for many years when they were little. One mum (who only had girls) told me my life would never be complete unless I had a girl. The same woman refused to take her grandson in and he went into the care system as she "didn't do boys".

The line that annoys me the most though, is, your daughter is yours all your life, but your son is yours until he takes a wife. Makes me feel quite angry, should I just give up loving them now?

Lcb123 · 03/10/2022 22:31

Gosh you have some rude people in your life! I would NEVER comment on anything related to someone’s decision about having kids, or not, unless they brought it up first. So weird.

CruCru · 03/10/2022 22:45

Honestly, the only correct thing to say is “3 boys? How nice, boys are fab” (or girls).

TroublesComing32 · 03/10/2022 22:51

I have two boys close in age, somebody asked me would I have another if I knew it would be a girl…I said I’d have another if I knew it would be another boy just to shut them up. I’m reality I’d have just loved another baby and couldn’t have cared less whether it was a boy or a girl just like I didn’t mind what we were having the first two times x

Comtesse · 03/10/2022 23:20

i have 2 daughters. My junior colleague asked if my husband wanted a son. No why would he do that? I asked him. Cheeky bugger - dads only like sons do they? People say dumb stuff don’t they! Grrrrr…..

Maray1967 · 04/10/2022 00:36

GiselleRose · 03/10/2022 18:28

I think I would point out to this person that just because they feel this way doesn’t mean that you do. Which I suppose is a reason some people make this kind of comment; it’s about them, not you.

Show quote history

Yes I agree - it’s very much about how she feels. I have pushed back quite firmly I think , while staying polite - but still the comments come. I’ll only get firmer if they’re said in the hearing of DS2- so far not.

OrlaCarmichael · 04/10/2022 07:11

@Darbs76 I agree with your comment that the desire for only a girl or boy can go much deeper.

It can build up in a whole extended family too. My DD is the only GD on both sides of our extended family. You can imagine the pink fest at Christmas and birthdays - and wasn’t especially gender conforming.

I met a woman while she was pregnant with her second son and she was so relieved it was another boy. She had a massive fear of having a daughter for psychological reasons, due to her relationship with her own mother.

MintyFreshOne · 04/10/2022 07:22

I have two sons went for the third … and had another boy.

Wish it was different but nothing I can do about it now and they are such stereotypical boys, I find it so exhausting and am quite envious of people who have only daughters.

VestPantsandSocks · 04/10/2022 07:29

I have two sons, lovely young men who I am very close too yet recently I have found myself yearning for a daughter which is very strange as I had never really thought about it before.

I wonder if this what people are referring to.

quitelikelyto · 04/10/2022 07:33

I had 2 boys then a girl. I was expecting and happy to have a 3rd boy. I have to say it's been incredible. I had no idea how deeply moving it is for me to watch my daughter grow into a woman. I feel a deeply shared experience of womanhood with her. She is just about my most favourite person in the world. We are very close. But it could have been different. We could have had a difficult and tormented relationship. I love all my dc. They all bring a different joy to me

Nottodaty · 04/10/2022 07:34

I have two girls. When pregnant the second time didn’t want to find out sex as it really didn’t matter! When she was born we weren’t disappointed.

I would have liked more children but I struggle to conceive I’m happy with what I’ve got! I’m also one of 4 - 3 eldest girls. My youngest sister always felt like a disappointment- not from our parents but from others who made her feel like a spare part. When my brother was born I remember my Dad being quite firm with anyone saying you finally have a son - it wasn’t important to him, he was one of 5 - 4 boys - he always felt his mum was disappointed with him being a boy.

FindingMyself1999 · 04/10/2022 07:39

Just to let you know OP I have friends who tried for girls and at least 3 of them have 4 boys! One thought does have 3 girls and a boy! It’s a lottery and one you should only enter if you genuinely want another child.

FindingMyself1999 · 04/10/2022 07:39

*though

CeratopsofthePharoahs · 04/10/2022 07:47

I have two boys. I wanted two children, I got two children.
One of my neighbours commented the day I came home with ds2 from the hospital. Asked me if I was going to have any more. My immediate thought was that I had six weeks of c-section recovery and I was still fighting off a nasty infection so my poor uterus was pretty much done. I responded with a blunt "No!" only to have her say "Aren't you going to try for a girl?"
Like I said, I wanted two children and luckily I got two healthy children. I love them both regardless.

Cuppasoupmonster · 04/10/2022 07:55

I think people pretending there are zero differences between boys and girls and that they cannot possibly understand why a woman would want a daughter are being disingenuous to be honest.

Yes you might get a son that ‘loves shopping and going for spa days’ and a ‘girl that loves football and messing about in the mud’, but that’s still playing into the whole gender stereotypes malarkey, just in a different way.

I wanted a daughter and was lucky enough to have one, I still would’ve wanted a daughter whether she had been a girly princess or a tree climbing tomboy.

Plus ‘men’ are seen as horrific on Mn so it’s no surprise it puts women off wanting to raise them.

Whatafustercluck · 04/10/2022 08:00

I had no idea this was a thing and they people were that invested in other people's lives/ children.

I have one of each. I had a boy first and of course would have been delighted to have had another boy, equally delighted to have a girl. I'd like to think I'm equally close to both and always will be. They both have my heart and soul.

letitbeknown · 04/10/2022 08:02

I have had fertility treatment for years. Years of IUI and IVF. miscarriage after miscarriage. I was heartbroken and even scared of getting pregnant because I was terrified of having another miscarriage. I eventually got pregnant again and my anxiety was through the roof throughout.

I found out I was having a girl and I literally couldn't BELIEVE people said things to me like "oh god, I'm so sorry you're having a girl, honestly they're such hard work, boys are SO much easier!"

About 4 people said things like this to me about how disappointing it is to have a girl.
Others said things like "I bet you're glad you're having a girl because it's better than having a boy!"

I was just glad I was having a baby that so far was looking healthy!!!

Now I have a beautiful 3 month old who I totally adore. I'd love another baby and I don't mind at all if they're a bit or girl.
It's strange when people make comments like that.
It really is about THEM! Their feelings about it being projected onto us.
Don't take it on. It's like we should be expected to want what we don't have.
And it's ok to be happy and grateful for what and who we do have.

MintyFreshOne · 04/10/2022 08:44

Cuppasoupmonster · 04/10/2022 07:55

I think people pretending there are zero differences between boys and girls and that they cannot possibly understand why a woman would want a daughter are being disingenuous to be honest.

Yes you might get a son that ‘loves shopping and going for spa days’ and a ‘girl that loves football and messing about in the mud’, but that’s still playing into the whole gender stereotypes malarkey, just in a different way.

I wanted a daughter and was lucky enough to have one, I still would’ve wanted a daughter whether she had been a girly princess or a tree climbing tomboy.

Plus ‘men’ are seen as horrific on Mn so it’s no surprise it puts women off wanting to raise them.

Well said.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 04/10/2022 08:55

Same after dd2 for me. Dh and I were very happy - he bought me e lovely ring right after she was born, and a neighbour said, ‘You got that for a girl?’

Though to be fair she was from a culture where boys were definitely favoured.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 04/10/2022 09:05

Comtesse · 03/10/2022 23:20

i have 2 daughters. My junior colleague asked if my husband wanted a son. No why would he do that? I asked him. Cheeky bugger - dads only like sons do they? People say dumb stuff don’t they! Grrrrr…..

I can recall as a child someone(probably one of my toxic grandmothers) asking my mother while I was there if my father was sorry that his eldest was a girl. My mother calmly told them that no, dad was actually hoping for a girl.

Whereland · 04/10/2022 09:09

I had two boys and when pregnant with a third if anyone made a comment about me hoping it would be a girl I'd say "no actually I'd really love a third boy". Which was true and I was shocked and took some time to get used to her being a girl!!

Doowop1919 · 04/10/2022 09:15

I find this really sad. I have my second boy on the way and we've had no girl comments at all from my family or friends, only one brief one from mil and I shut her down straight away so she hasn't mentioned anything else to us anyway. Then again, most friends and all family know we struggle to conceive so maybe that's why?

SallyWD · 04/10/2022 09:59

AdditionalCharacter · 03/10/2022 22:27

I have three boys, all teenagers now. I got that line for many years when they were little. One mum (who only had girls) told me my life would never be complete unless I had a girl. The same woman refused to take her grandson in and he went into the care system as she "didn't do boys".

The line that annoys me the most though, is, your daughter is yours all your life, but your son is yours until he takes a wife. Makes me feel quite angry, should I just give up loving them now?

That expression about a son being yours until he takes a wife - such rubbish, isn't it?! My DH is very close to his mum. Calls her a few times a week. They even have weekends away together sometimes. Also my brothers are both married and see a lot of my parents.

CoastalWave · 04/10/2022 10:09

Crunchingleaf · 03/10/2022 21:05

I am pregnant with child number 3 who we just found out is also a boy. Already had people say oh you must be soo disappointed that your not having a girl and you will have to go for another.
How about no. DC2 and DC3 when he arrives will be close in age so my hands will be full and I will be paying a lot in childcare etc. plus it will be handy handing down stuff to the younger one. As one friend says I could have 10 kids and they could all be boys.

Once I get a healthy baby in my arms that is all that matters.

Genuine question though to you all.

IF you have say 2 boys, or 2 girls, aren't you seriously trying for a third for the gender you don't have?

Or do people just want 3 or 4 kids?

I think people just presume no one wants/needs anymore than 2 kids so if you've 2 boys or 2 girls already and having a third, its because you do want the gender you haven't got so far?

I don't know anyone who has a boy and a girl who's then gone on deliberately to have a third or more? Only people with two of each who've had a third child

I think if I did have 2 boys or 2 girls, I would be somewhat disappointed as it's natural surely to want/experience one or two of each?!

I suppose in a roundabout way, are people just trying to sympathise even though everyone says it annoys them!

UsernameIsCopied · 04/10/2022 10:20

To some people, the only acceptable type of family is a boy and a girl. Anything else gets commented on. I have only had these comments after having my third boy, not very often thankfully. I usually don't care much but one that really got to me was a woman I had known for about 30 minutes whose face fell when she heard I had 3 boys. She literally said, "what a shame, 3 boys! When you go to the trouble of having 3, one of them should at least be a girl!" wow, that hurt.