Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stop telling me I need a GIRL

115 replies

snowbellsxox · 03/10/2022 17:05

We have two beautiful, wonderful sons quite close in age.
Almost daily I have women telling me I'm missing a daughter, am I going to try for a daughter, how close mothers and daughters are etc etc all of that
I never used to get it with my first it's since we have had our second
I find it hurtful for my children who I love dearly and love love having sons, to be honest gender never mattered to me
My gender reveals were quite boring haha! I wasn't one of those who fell to the floor just a ohhh woooop haha! No matter what the gender
But it seems to be getting into my head lately
I've even considered trying for one in the future because of how I'm being made to feel ......
Obviously OP gets you lucky B .... Blush

Anyone in the same boat or have any advice haha! Grrrrrrr

OP posts:
blubberball · 03/10/2022 19:11

I have 2 boys, and my youngest was born with a genetic condition which causes disabilities. Even people saying "so long as the baby's healthy" stings me a bit. People are just trying to be nice, but my baby wasn't born healthy, so what now?

I also had comments when I had my second ds "Oh never mind"

AndTwoFilmsByFrancoisTruffaut · 03/10/2022 19:21

Pregnant with a boy and guess what, I WANTED a boy!! I’m sure people think I’m lying when I say I’m over the moon but I love boys, have lots of nieces and nephews and while the girls are lovely, the boys are ❤️ so loving and affectionate, much more than my nieces!

One of my sisters has two grown up boys and their relationship with their mum is just wonderful, they are best friends, never fall out and absolutely adore each other. V unlike my tumultuous and complex relationship with my own mother!

Original poster
snowbellsxox · 03/10/2022 19:46

AndTwoFilmsByFrancoisTruffaut · 03/10/2022 19:21

Pregnant with a boy and guess what, I WANTED a boy!! I’m sure people think I’m lying when I say I’m over the moon but I love boys, have lots of nieces and nephews and while the girls are lovely, the boys are ❤️ so loving and affectionate, much more than my nieces!

One of my sisters has two grown up boys and their relationship with their mum is just wonderful, they are best friends, never fall out and absolutely adore each other. V unlike my tumultuous and complex relationship with my own mother!

Awwwww I love this Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
snowbellsxox · 03/10/2022 19:48

blubberball · 03/10/2022 19:11

I have 2 boys, and my youngest was born with a genetic condition which causes disabilities. Even people saying "so long as the baby's healthy" stings me a bit. People are just trying to be nice, but my baby wasn't born healthy, so what now?

I also had comments when I had my second ds "Oh never mind"

I can see how this would be upsetting Flowers sending love to you

OP posts:
WanderingDreamingSpires · 03/10/2022 19:49

Ohdearwhatabother · 03/10/2022 17:51

I have 5 boys, only two lived through labour.

Everytime someone says to me "don't you want a girl?" I say "a healthy baby is all that matters to me." And then I respect them less as a person.

That comment took my breath away. I can’t imagine how you’re still standing, you must be the strongest person in the world to keep going after that. 💐

Original poster
snowbellsxox · 03/10/2022 19:50

Darbs76 · 03/10/2022 19:06

This is very common. I have 2 sons, and 1 daughter in that order so I got it a lot. I must admit I did want a DD 2nd time around but I was perfectly happy with a 2nd son. But then I became obsessed with wanting a DD. That’s how I found BC as I joined the boy/girl group on here and we all had these very detailed sway plans! I’m still friends now with some lovely ladies I met. Some had their desired genders, others didn’t. One thing I did realise though is that for some people it goes much deeper than just a preference and can really take over their entire life.

I do feel fortunate every day I’ve been able to experience both genders. My eldest DS is 29, and we are super close. DS2 is only 18 and is a typical 18yr old so not sure how close we will be in the future, and my DD is fairly quiet and reserved so who knows, maybe we won’t be as close as people think and I’ll be closer to my boys as adults. No-one knows really.

Oh gosh! I wonder why that is ... maybe it's a society thing
I grew up with all sisters so having boys is a lovely change and experience for me

OP posts:
StoneofDestiny · 03/10/2022 20:08

Only stupid people would say that. Why do people think people with sons want daughters, or vice versa. Just love your child.

Rtmhwales · 03/10/2022 20:11

Next time someone says it, can you ask with a straight face what sex positions or sex acts they recommend to get the "preferred" sex? I found that shut them up pretty quickly.

BellaTheDarkOverlord · 03/10/2022 20:12

Pregnant with my second, first is girl. Lots of comments currently over hoping it's a boy. I'm seriously not bothered. I'd love another girl as DD is great.

Anon778833 · 03/10/2022 20:13

YANBU. I have 4 girls. People have said ‘Oh, wouldn’t you have liked a son?’ It’s not as if you can choose!

TheSimpleLife88 · 03/10/2022 20:13

I have the same. My first child, but people are still telling me how much they want it to be girl (because they've already got boys in the family).
Surprise, it's a boy.

Blocked · 03/10/2022 20:16

I have a boy and a younger girl and was congratulated a lot when DD came along on having a 'gentleman's family' (a phrase I'd never even heard before!) people are odd.

CanaryShoulderedThorn · 03/10/2022 20:30

I dont think nonsense like gender reveal parties help. Who bloody cares whether a baby is a girl or a boy. We are all individuals.
My DD is an engineer, one of my DS's is a nurse. I'm more likely to go shopping and for a coffee with (gay) DS2 than anyone else on earth.

Cakecakecheese · 03/10/2022 20:42

It's ridiculous how 'one of each' is the gold standard of children to some people.

kimchifix · 03/10/2022 20:44

I can't actually believe anyone says this, let alone lots of people in a daily basis. Rude. I would be honest and say "no, I'm really happy with my boys thank you - it's great they play together and my life will be so much easier as they really enjoy the same things, I'm so lucky!! All my friends with one of each are run ragged going between all the activities" mn tinkly laugh... if they insist it's so great and you are missing out, cite all the dysfunctional mother/daughter threads on here as evidence that mothers and daughter relationships can be horrible.

Only have another go if you want another child. Of either sex. - what if it's another boy? It's notoriously difficult to get what you ordered 😉

Bumpsadaisie · 03/10/2022 20:51

I had a Dd then 2 years later a Ds - and the number of comments about how it was perfect and I was so lucky!

Etc etc.

Needwine999 · 03/10/2022 20:52

You cant win no matter what, i have one of each and you get the comments how you don't need any more now etc. If you have 1 its mean, more than 2 is abnormal, 2 or more of same sex and you must be crying every night wanting the other colour. None and something is wrong with you, it goes on....................!!

MadameMinimes · 03/10/2022 20:58

I’m one of three sisters and my mum used to get this a lot.

My parents have 6 siblings between them who all have multiple children each and out of the 7 sets sibling amongst my cousins only 2/7 have a mixture of boys and girls. The rest are all sets of 2 or three siblings of the same sex. 3 sets of sisters and 2 sets of brothers. I don’t know if that’s statistically out of kilter with the average but I know plenty of women who only have sisters and plenty of men who only have brothers so it can’t be that unusual.

and yet, random strangers find it worth commenting on. It’s very odd.

Anon778833 · 03/10/2022 20:58

Needwine999 · 03/10/2022 20:52

You cant win no matter what, i have one of each and you get the comments how you don't need any more now etc. If you have 1 its mean, more than 2 is abnormal, 2 or more of same sex and you must be crying every night wanting the other colour. None and something is wrong with you, it goes on....................!!

You’re right! People with one of each sex get the ‘you’ve completed your family’ comments. Who do they think they are? 🤣

JanuaryBirthdays · 03/10/2022 21:00

I had two sons, now age 8 and 6. I got told I didn't have a proper family until I had a girl.
Now pregnant with third DS. Huge amount of people who gave me sympathy when I told them it was another boy... Lots of people visibly deflated.
I feel like I have to defend to people that I am happy with another boy to stop them feeling bad for me!
I am very happy to be having another son, but equally would have been happy to have a daughter. I'm grateful for the fact they are all so far healthy and happy.
I completely get it OP.

Angharad78 · 03/10/2022 21:01

Not someone being obnoxious but really nice on this theme:

When my sister was born (third of three daughters), my grandmother sent my mum a card with a baby in a giant pink hat and inside she wrote “what a hat trick!” I always thought this was lovely and I’ve used the same line whenever anyone announces the happy arrival of a third.

Crunchingleaf · 03/10/2022 21:05

I am pregnant with child number 3 who we just found out is also a boy. Already had people say oh you must be soo disappointed that your not having a girl and you will have to go for another.
How about no. DC2 and DC3 when he arrives will be close in age so my hands will be full and I will be paying a lot in childcare etc. plus it will be handy handing down stuff to the younger one. As one friend says I could have 10 kids and they could all be boys.

Once I get a healthy baby in my arms that is all that matters.

Zerrin13 · 03/10/2022 21:13

I had girl boy girl. Love them all the same. Never cared what I was having. People are such twats when it comes to pregnancy and babies.

MrsNobodyMM · 03/10/2022 21:18

I've experienced a version of this. After a fertility struggle I had DD - a close friend baffled me when she said "if you're just having one I bet you're so glad it's a girl!" I didn't know what she meant and just nodded along confused.

A close friend of mine has just had a boy and her DH told us she was devastated at the 20 week scan when she found out it was a boy.

There is an assumed preference for girls in my opinion.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 03/10/2022 22:14

MrsNobodyMM · 03/10/2022 21:18

I've experienced a version of this. After a fertility struggle I had DD - a close friend baffled me when she said "if you're just having one I bet you're so glad it's a girl!" I didn't know what she meant and just nodded along confused.

A close friend of mine has just had a boy and her DH told us she was devastated at the 20 week scan when she found out it was a boy.

There is an assumed preference for girls in my opinion.

Yes but Im sure men get the same assumption about them wanting boys. It’s an assumption that you want to emulate your own childhood.
Also in Western cultures the presumption (and I’ve often found it to be true) that females are closer to their families/ more helpful etc. In countries like say India it’s the reverse as the women often move in with the husbands family.