Cost of living faux confusion - is this the new non-binary?

[WomanStanleyWoman2]

A couple of years back there was a whole spate of threads from people claiming they “didn’t understand” the concept of being non-binary and, while they absolutely weren’t being judgemental in any way (heaven forbid!), they were terribly confused what it all meant and wanted to be educated. “I just want to understand, explain it to me” ad infinitum.

Those seem to have died out a bit now - but faux confusion over cost of living threads seems to be the replacement. More and more threads are going down the route of “But I don’t understand, I went to the shops on Thursday and people were actually buying things, so how can there be a cost of living crisis?! Who is spending all this money? And I don’t mean shitholes full of common people discount shops like Aldi and Poundland - I mean NICE shops like M&S Foodhall and Waitrose! So where is this cost of living crisis? I’m sooooo confuuuused!!!”

I can’t be the only one thinking that this basically translates to “If there was a REAL cost of living crisis people would be rummaging in the gutters for bruised apples instead of spending actual money in nice shops and rubbing shoulders with the likes of me - therefore they should all stop moaning and go and chew on an Asda Essential”?

It’s neither. I was comparing the treatment of the topics in certain threads, not the issues themselves.

I'm both of these people, and genuinely confused by both.

I don't get non-binary. I'd love someone to explain. I'm confused.

I couldn't get into four local restaurants (admittedly at short notice) on a Wednesday a couple of weeks ago. They were jam packed. We're a relatively well off household, but struggle to justify eating out regularly - in this instance we were celebrating a promotion. It was just totally at odds with what I'd read/heard in the media. It was confusing. Not faux confusing, confusing.

Because people pretend they don't know what people mean by "non-binary". People aren't stupid. They know what it means. They just don't agree with it.

Now people pretend they don't understand how there is a cost of living crisis when they see people out spending.

But maybe people on this thread really are that stupid and actually do think the OP is talking about non-binary rather than people pretending to be ignorant.

But maybe people on this thread really are that stupid and actually do think the OP is talking about non-binary rather than people pretending to be ignorant.

I guess I must be that stupid, because when OP talked about being non-binary, I did indeed think she was talking about being non-binary.

I suppose this is the risk you take when you cast your pearls among us swine. Still, isn't it the duty of the speaker to know their audience?

Ha! Great minds 🐕

YABU to draw these two as parallels.

YABU to think that non-binary is something that can be sensibly explained.

I get what you’re trying to say OP. You love tried to pick an example which was a hot topic once upon a time to compare it to. I’ve not noticed much in the way of faux confusion threads about the COL but I don’t usually click on those types of threads anyway. You’ve probably got annoyed by it and are now more likely to click on them because they have your attention.

(Also don’t know wtf non binary is. If it’s a gender identity, aren’t we all non binary? If it’s a sex category, maybe Elizabeth Liebiger could come and explain it to us.)

Putting it mildly.

I couldn't get into four local restaurants (admittedly at short notice) on a Wednesday a couple of weeks ago. They were jam packed. We're a relatively well off household, but struggle to justify eating out regularly - in this instance we were celebrating a promotion. It was just totally at odds with what I'd read/heard in the media. It was confusing. Not faux confusing, confusing.

We tend to go out when family come over and had this all summer - I think it's staffing and covid making pre-booking more usual - but it has put us off a fair bit.

Same with holidays everyone else seemed to be off somewhere - delayed covid one and well if we don't take one this summer may not be able to do so for years - seemed to cover most people.

Town center traffic does tend to wax and wane - but does seem down but how much is that internet shopping and delay to Christmas shopping while everyone works out what cash they'll actually have.

I can sort of see your point op - if it's "why do people start posts pretending they don't understand a topic rather than just saying they disagree with it?"

So the people posting the threads on both the topics you've used as examples are basically asking "I don't understand why I'm being told x thing as fact by apparently trusted sources (the government, charities, the media) yet my lived experience is telling me the opposite...."

In the case of non binary I don't think the concept is hard to understand - its that your sex is completely irrelevant to your genitalia and hormonal make up and if you don't "feel" male or female you shouldn't be pigeonholed into being one or the other...while it's a fairly easy concept to understand that doesn't mean you have to believe its accurate or makes any rational sense The same as if I described Christianity or any religion, belief or thought...I could describe them simply enough that most people would understand but that doesn't mean they'd agree with them!

Well, I'm not particularly intelligent and I understood it fine. She's clearly talking about "faux confusion" going by the number of times she mentioned people expressing confusion and not understanding.

But, as usual, people jump on the non-binary part and ignore the point.

The type of people who go out regularly and shop in expensive places are not YET feeling the cost of living crisis. So are carrying on as normal.

I know, I am one of them. I have paid off the mortgage, so interest rates going up benefit me in some ways. I am on a fixed rate for energy, set before the prices rocketed yet despite our costs being much lower than the cap, still being given £400 for some reason.

Yes, I am one of the lucky ones. I will still eat out and support local businesses, because if people like me don't do that the economy will tank.

When the cost of living goes up for me, then I'll change my habits.

I understand.

I don't agree, but I do understand your (badly made) point.

But, as usual, people jump on the non-binary part and ignore the point.

The non-binary part was what made it so confusing! It was completely incongruous and a terrible comparison for all sorts of reasons.

At any rate, it's possible that the problem is just that OP's lightning wit is so far beyond the rest of us. Still, if I choose to get up in front of an audience and make a statement, I think it's on me to read the room and choose my words accordingly. If I end up confusing and alienating half of them, perhaps the lesson is that none of us are all that smart.

Because people pretend they don't know what people mean by "non-binary". People aren't stupid. They know what it means.

I thought every knew what was mean by turnip - turns out it's a whole mom/mum/mam thing and can cause much debate around carving and traditions.

It is very unfortunate that the opening post was so lacking clarity that is appears to many as deliberately provocative much like faux naively posts.

Once upon a time there were lots of threads from people confused about what non binary was. OP felt they were faux confusion.

Now there appears to be a popular trend to create threads confused about the cost of living. OP feels these are also faux confusion.

Are the COL-confusion threads going to be as popular as NB-threads?

Essentially. In a nutshell. Some of us got it. Some of you didn’t, that’s OK. OP doesn’t need to make a point so concisely and coherently that the entire internet understands it (as this is an open forum that anyone on the internet can access). There’s no entry level requirement for posting online.

Regarding your title. No its not. There's nothing faux about the confusion surrounding non binary. The whole subject is designed to be smoke and mirrors to make people confused.

Cost of living problems will be different to those on benefits to those on five figures. The sides are too far apart for either to understand the other.

OP doesn’t need to make a point so concisely and coherently that the entire internet understands it (as this is an open forum that anyone on the internet can access). There’s no entry level requirement for posting online.

Yes, I know. She can start a thread about a guy bumming wombats if she so desires, although only someone in on a really bad in-joke would do that.

However, if you confused and alienated a significant percentage of your audience, maybe you should try a different approach next time. Or you can tell everyone they're stupid (which I know OP herself hasn't done, to be fair). I just know which one I personally think the smart person would do.

You start a discussion, you can't police how people respond to it any more than they can police your choices in starting it.

Now that really confuses me. Sex is irrelevant to your genitalia! What were the sonographers looking for when they were scanning my babies to sex them?

While I can see why everyone's getting confused by this post as it's not quite comparable, I can see your point. It irritates me no end that some people smugly say they haven't seen any evidence of the cost of living crisis as there's still as many people in Waitrose. Or 'poor' people in pubs. Gets my goat.

Well I understood it just fine, but I love analogies. It's a bit like people not understanding how racism can possibly still exist because they have never seen or experienced it despite having non white friends and family 🤔.

As for the point that got lost in the fog in regards to the cost of living crisis, I have a close relative that runs a very busy local pub. He wants another job, fine. But he and his family live rent and bill free and they are still always broke. Like how???
Worse - they want to buy a house. They haven't paid rent or utilities in half a decade.
Completely oblivious.

A Witch Doctor told me, that if you sit in a candlelit room on Halloween and stare into a mirror reciting "Non Binary" 100 times, that your periods will disappear.

Tried it in 2020.

Didn't work.

Still a woman.

Still have periods.

The End.

Just deal with people’s comments directly, as you find them, OP, without all this histrionic and passive aggressive ‘join the dots’ to make the picture you think exists.

@ReneBumsWombats Or you can tell everyone they're stupid

I apologise for that. I didn't mean you in particular, you did seem genuinely confused. It's just MN in general, there is a lot of faux confusion. It is irritating.

OP: I borrowed my friend some money last month, but she's refusing to give me it back. What do I do?
MNer: I don't understand what you mean by you "borrowed her money". Do you mean you want more money from her?

That kind of bs.

Because people pretend they don't know what people mean by "non-binary". People aren't stupid. They know what it means. They just don't agree with it.

Non binary, (I think) means that a person does not confirm to the binary. Now the binary is male or female and given that there is no one right way to be a man or a woman then I'd hazard a guess that most people are non binary. Not many people adhere to all of the stereotypes of their sex.

People who declare non binary are particularly baffling to me. What is so special about not conforming to stereotypes that requires an 'identity'. The pronouns are baffling.

What is dangerous about non - binary is what it leads to for women in the real world, along with the number of non binary girls who think being a woman is so awful or uncool that they are seeking breast binders and worse.

To allege faux 'confusion' around non - binary on these boards in comparison to the levels to which people will experience hardship in the current financial crisis is like comparing apples and pears.