Working and SEN children

[Merryoldgoat]

I’m now rounding on week 3 of illness in my house and owing to kids’ SEN getting into work is near impossible. I fear goodwill is running out.

So a quick poll

YABU - I work full time or near enough with SEN children

YANBU - working with children with SEN is not possible for me

Yanbu. I work 3 days a week while trying to cope with my teen DD and I swear it will be the death of me.

I voted YABU because I work full time with 2 SEN children BUT YANBU if it’s not possible for you. Every child’s needs will be different, vary with time, everyone’s family setup will be different, different types of job, employer attitude etc.

So just because it currently possible for me doesn’t mean it always will be.

Anyone that judges a parent of a SEN child for not being able to work full time, or at all, is a twat. The support required to facilitate it just does not exist.

I work part time and it’s so difficult. I don’t judge any parent of a child with SEN who doesn’t work.

Obviously depends on your kids SEN & your employment. I had to give up work as a lab technician because school kept ringing me up wanting me to collect kids immediately if not sooner!!! It was impossible to work under those conditions. On the other hand when things had settled a bit I did manage to set up and run a small business from home which had / has the flexibility needed to meet the ds's needs

DS doesn’t sleep. I need the day time when he is at school to rest in order to function. This coupled with the fact that he has huge daily meltdowns coming out of school so I can’t ask anyone else to care for him and he can’t tolerate wraparound clubs due to the increased stress it causes him.

As a result we currently struggle on with Carers allowance, constantly terrified of his next DLA review cutting his entitlement.

I think it depends on the the severity / nature of the SEN. Some children with SEN can be just as robust as their non SEN counterparts. But for others just a bog standard cold can end in hospitalisation and or days / weeks of convalescents.

Sympathies. I haven't voted as I don't have DC with SEN, but two at nursery last winter nearly killed us with the sickness (too small to work with them home, no family nearby to pitch in, and we both work full time). The only reason that we coped is that our jobs are flexible.

Any friends who have had DC with SEN and have managed to work anything close to full time have had huge help from grandparents who can cover at a moment's notice.

I think alot of SEN parents are technically carers, even if it is for your own child

I didn't vote because I do work pretty much part-time but I have a supportive flexible employer. It's also a nightmare and very difficult.

I don’t work - not because of child’s getting ill, they’re no more often sick than anyone else, but because they can’t tolerate childcare on top of school and they often need me during the school day for ad hoc reasons. I probably could do something very part time, during school hours, in term time, that was flexible enough to allow me to drop it at any given moment. But there’s not many jobs like that and for us it’s not worth the stress. I do a little bit of part time volunteering.

YADNBU
I was lucky enough to be a SAHM for my SEN boys, (1 asd, 1 physically disabled). I eventually went back to work as a SEN specialist TA part-time, which worked okay. Subsequently I went full-time and it was absolutely to the detriment of my house and sometimes of my capacity to do all the chasing-up and battling with hospitals, schools etc that come with the territory.
I'm currently sitting in a hospital with one of my ds's, we're in for a week, and I am so grateful o don't currently have a job that I would have had to square the time off with.

We both gave up and are carers for our dc with SEN as it was impossible to work - no family support and no suitable childcare so we had to accept it I think it’ll be at least 5 years before we look at one of us working again

It's not a one size fits all answer is it my son. has very complex disabilities, severe autism, learning disabilities, non verbal at a special school etc etc i used to be a nurse ,but there is mo way I could fit shift work around my sons needs ,he's 12 but still needs full time care during weekends ,school holidays etc and slways will ,and quite frankly it's stress ful enough, I don't need the added stress of a demanding job
Whatever works for individual families imo.

It's not just physical health ,my son is extremely healthy ,but at 12 has the cognitive abilities of maybe a 3 year old, this is not going to improve and he needs full 1:1 care at all times.

I was made redundant eight years ago, just as my ASD DD was starting to be a school refuser and suffer mental health problems.
I have spent so much time since then ferrying her around, dropping her at school later if she's not managed in the morning, taking her to appointments, writing emails and phoning to appeal for provision, school placements, SW help ,and just supporting her: looking after her, talking to her to make her feel better and help her get on with life.
If I'd been working things would have been far worse for her and she'd not have had a lot of the benefits she did.

I don’t work my daughter can’t go to childcare and I have no family also I’m a lone parent

I can’t vote on this because I work full time but it’s really bloody difficult. If part time was an option I’d take it in a heartbeat.

It varies hugely on the need, my son has SEN, I do work part time, but he would be fine if I worked full time.

I have worked part time so far but am thinking about giving up as now my son is secondary age there is no holiday childcare available... Could probably be sorted out if that was the only thing but it isn't.

I'm not currently working - my DD4 is ASD Level 3 with a chromosomal deletion. She is non verbal with extreme emotional dysregulation. She ought to be in specialist provision but the LA are insisting on mainstream. She started school last week, on 2 hours in the morning.

My husband - her father - does work full time and we also get DLA. But its all too much even then. I could work part time in the evenings and weekends but then my life would become 100 percent stressful and really, my daughter needs time with both adults in the house in order for us to model conversations etc.

You do what works best for you and your DC.

My ASD dd is 10 and on the SEN register, but she attends a mainstream school and (some) childcare and has no sleeping issues, so we are v lucky in that respect. I work 4 days a week. The challenges are:

We have SENDCO appointments within the school day, but not loads, perhaps 1 a month
She is limited in what childcare will accept her. We are lucky we have a good childminder and she has been to a holiday club in the past, but they are all quite young and play-based.
She isn't v independent and needs more support than a NT 10yo for stuff at home like personal care, organisation and homework - so we need to be present for that and quite involved in her life when we are at home.

To be honest, I think secondary will be more challenging with more responsibility for her and possibly growing out of childcare options - and she won't be mature enough to be alone at home for long periods. I just hope she continues to enjoy school (she finds it hard) as school refusing is a big problem with ASD families I know.

My job isn't that flexible - DH's is more so, but he sometimes works evenings and weekends, which creates its own problems.

I have 2 severely autistic children and one who has traits/anxiety but independent. I found it impossible to work as no back up/relatives. But I get constantly asked by my sister and relatives when I am getting a job. I now volunteer at my daughters supported living house doing her personal care. There is little support after 18 so I provide a lot of support to my other non verbal child.

Similar to a previous poster, I have DC who can’t cope with childcare. I could potentially have a nanny I guess, but finding a nanny who just wants after school and holidays and has the skills needed isn’t easy. Plus even someone in our home is a stressor and school causes enough stress so I try and minimise that at home.

I could work school hours, but there’s absolutely no holiday club provision so again there’s the childcare problem. No family nearby and between the two parents we wouldn’t have enough holiday allowance to cover all the holidays.

The other option would be me and DH both working part time, but he out earns me by A Lot so that becomes financially difficult. I am looking for something that would give me sufficient flexibility that we can juggle it. As the kids get older they need less direct supervision so either of us could work from home with them in the house.

Yanbu - i cant work full time with my child with sen.

Onviously some people can. Lots of couples, one half works full time, some jobs are really flexible and some SEN requires totally different support that nannies, afterschools clubs etc can cope with.

We can only have 1 person working full time. The other has to be self employed and totally flexible around the child's needs, appointments and SEN school runs.