I earn £60k and I can’t keep my family warm

[Theyarellthesame]

Exactly that and I’m so, so frightened.

im 31 and I’ve done everything ‘right’ - went to uni, got myself a job and in 8 years increased my wage from £16k to £60k. We waited 13 years to have a baby until we’d saved up £20k so I could afford maternity leave, had £6k-ish left over after mat leave.

I live rurally in one of the cheapest areas in the country in a 4 bed Victorian semi, it’s not grand in any way. Lovely, but a basic 4 bed, 3 storey family home. When we moved in I had the loft insulated but we can’t have a smart meter because of something to do with where the meter is located.

My DH is a SAHP so no childcare costs for my 18 month old and he’d only be able to earn minimum wage so his take home pay per hour would be less than the cost of childcare, hence why he’s a SAHP.

Yesterday I got an email from bulb putting my direct debit up again from £290
to £470. It was £120 2 years ago. On top of everything else going up I just categorically cannot afford to pay that. There isn’t enough money by £149 a month to cover the bills for the household.

I think my options are to cancel paying in to my pension to free up that money or stop paying my student loan? Can you do student loan holidays?

mortgage is on a 5 year fix with 2 years left at 1.99% so that’s as low as it can go, we don’t have Netflix, sky or Prime anymore, we just have a TV license. We do have a Spotify subscription. Both our phones are on £20 a month contracts, we don’t have any debt other than student loans and the mortgage. We do have a dog and his pet insurance is £60 a month but it’s none- negotiable that we keep that going.

We batch cook using the instant pot to avoid putting the oven on, we do use the washing machine a lot because we use reusable nappies. I drive a plug in hybrid so the electric is high because of that.

We have 1 or 2 U.K. holidays a year, usually a static caravan or holiday cottage for a few days. Total cost of holidays per year is around £1k so I’ve already knocked saving for those on the head.

No chance of my wage increasing again any time soon, I’ve pushed very hard for the last 8 years to climb a very greasy ladder and there’s no where else to go from here.

WTF do I do?! There’s news all the time how this is going to get worse again in January and the only advice coming out seems to be ‘go and get a better paid job’ but I HAVE a well paid job! we want another baby but I’m currently telling DH no because we can’t afford it and need to save like crazy.

Im very very frightened, how much worse is it likely to get from here?

There isn’t round here - we are very rural, you can rent a full 1 bed flat in the village local to us for £350 a month, 2 bed terraces are £400 a month and we’re not near any universities or big employment centres, so the rental market generally is really slow.

Plus with SIL here when she’s not at uni, the lodger would have to vacate the room out of term time so another reason that’s impractical quite apart from the risk of having strangers living in a house with a toddler and the disruption that causes to all parties.

You wouldn’t say that about a SAHM would you?! Sexism in action

he needs to sleep doesn’t he?!

My DH is a SAHP he's also a part time worker who earns enough to pay for the food each month. Where is all your salary going. Forget the holidays.

I'll be flamed for this but the issue is the cost of living...£60k is a pretty high personal salary, well above average, but it's not that much for a household income with two adults. I believe it would be slightly below what two average, full-time working adults would earn, although I don't know enough about tax to say how two taxed incomes would compare. I know, of course, that many people get by on much less, but from what I hear, that's no picnic either.

I agree with PPs that your husband has to work and your child will need to go to nursery. It's what many people, mostly women, who would rather SAH have to do. You don't have to be happy about it.

The whole thing is a shitshow.

Have you really had a look and a think about your electricity and gas usage?

You've got one bedroom in the house which isn't used most of the year. Is it shut up, no heating on, everything unplugged, thermal curtains kept closed etc so that it isn't draining electric.

Your office is only used two days a week. Are you doing similar?

Have you looked at the rest of the house critically to see where you can reduce. Can you put the foil stuff behind radiators? Have you got thermal curtains? Are you confident there are no drafts? Is the loft well insulated? Do you all have warm duvets?

And, as PP have said - are you sure that the new direct debit cost is reflective of what your usage will be?

He’s not “very part time” he’s a full-time SAHP and works some part time hours on top!

OP, your current situation will only last another 18 months, until your DC becomes eligible for free hours at nursery, allowing your DH to pick up some work during the day. It might not seem so insurmountable if you are just looking for a short term fix.

Do you charge her rent?

Can your DH do something now that means when Dc has funded nursery hours he will be able to earn more?

agree nights would be impossible if he’s looking after Dc in the day but evening or weekend work?

One thing you can do OP is make small changes to your bills.

Mobiles don't need to cost £20 pm - go sim only and keep your phones longer and you can get the monthly cost down to about a fiver or so each, so the cost is reduced by more than half.

Always negotiate your broadband cost, you should always be on a deal.

Change your bank accounts for the free money. I have a second account that I change every few months and get around £150 each time. Your DH could probably do things like this while DC is napping or <whisper> watching Peppa Pig for a bit. Get the Moneysaving Expert weekly newsletter for ongoing stuff like this.

Stuff like the above can add up to a significant amount of extra money over time and make a big difference to your disposable income.

Just reject Bulbs ridiculous direct debit suggestion and pay for what you use. Look at last year's bills for usage and use the new rates to make an educated estimate.

British Gas always try to tell me I should be paying less than I am and it seems would happily have me buried I debt. I ignore them and change it back to what I think it should be. After my last 6 monthly bill I was £100 in credit, if I'd gone with their suggestion I would've been £200 in arrears. Bearing in mind this was my summer bill, with no heating on, they then tried to reduce me down again for this next billing cycle.

ok so your situation undoubtedly sucks, sure some people have it worse but your post shows that even people in the top 10% of earners are having genuine concerns about how to balance the budget after cutting out all the thing they think of as luxuries.

1. turn the heating waaay down like to 13 14 degrees.
2. wear extra layers - think thermal undershirt, extra cardigan or sweater on top
3. have extra quilts neatly folded on the sides of sofas and armchairs so when you sit down you can snuggle in the quilt - positive side effect you tend to snuggle each other more too.
4. be very selective in choosing which rooms to warm more than this and at what times of day.

We have stopped direct debits we get a bill and pay what we have used !!

i'd speak to bulb and refuse the increase in the bill, just pay as used rather than direct debit.

Op you need to call bulb and talk to them about the increase because that’s ridiculous however i do think you need to look at your spending.

we’re currently on 45k for a family of 5. Our Mortagae isn’t much less than yours and other bills included we have less leftover than you should but still manage. You must be spending a lot of money somewhere. The little things really add up

I got a heated throw and a couple of heaters last year and barely put the heating on atall. Just keep the living room warm, the oven will heat the kitchen. I also got draught excluders and kept the curtains shut.

Cancel the direct debit is becoming the new cancel the cheque !

This. I was advised to put my DD up to over £200. Last month my actual usage (dual fuel) was £76. My dd is set to £80.

So if I were you I'd increase my direct debit but by nowhere near what they are suggesting. Don't forget you are getting £66 towards your energy bills each month too

I think you seriously need to look at where you are spending money.
I have a single income of less with mortgage payments much higher than yours (overpaying for when fix will end).

I also have a student loan and a small amount on a credit card. Plus pension taken from pay is about £380.

Your husband needs to get a job when you aren’t working to bring in more money.

You have two choices - (a) cut your spending or (b) increase your income

(b) seems obvious solution. If high demand for your DH's skills, perhaps he could increase his rates. Otherwise, probably best for him to take on longer hours at work

I'm a bulb customer too but it doesn't make a difference - we are nearly all on the cap.

You need to work out your annual usage for both gas and electric - check your account for say Sept 2020 and Sept 2022 readings and subtract. Make sure you convert the gas one to kwh if needed.

Then compare with these www.britishgas.co.uk/energy/guides/average-bill.html, the highest of which is under £300pcm (I don't know how much your car takes).

Take your annual usage, plug into an online calculator to find out what that will cost a year (rates vary a bit by area), divide by 12, and contact bulb with the answer. Are you in debit at the moment?

I have no idea why you think you live a basic/ low lifestyle when you are spending a lot of money each month.
Your family take home is almost 3.5k per month and you have almost no buffer at the end of the month even though you have no childcare costs and only commute 3 days a week. You’re being completely dishonest with yourself when you think about your spending.

Aside from that you don’t have to put your DD up to £400. It’s not a case that you will pay £400 no matter what you use, if you use less you will spend less.

are you suggesting he works nights and come homes to look after an 18 month old with no sleep? Really?! Stupid suggestion!

You're not trying to heat up a double garage to 20 degrees every day are you ?

EXACTLY THIS!
I am a woman btw
A man looks after his children all day and then having to work night shifts, do yall want him to become a zombie??

Similar except a 2up2down tiny terrace, and we cope by- no holidays (last time we went on a uk holiday was our honeymoon, years ago), and no heating until mid-jan when it gets colder (2young children). Dp doesn’t pay pension, as we need the money for his travel to work. We have sim only, £5/10 deals on phones, I’ve had same (wrong) prescription in glasses for 5 years, dp has a car- a 15yr old, bottom range car- which he parks next to his boses Audi. 🤷‍♀️. He has climbed ladder v fast and is a respected manager- to make use of time whilst I can do childcare, then he will be in a flexible position when we swap responsibilities. Salary is as much about playing the long game, in the next 2years we plan to reinstate pension as he is working to get back to a job he can walk to.

He has everything he wants and so do we. we manage long term budgeting and career planning together- but I know it gets to him that those on his level see more of their salary- there are 2 reasons for this: 2 high, equal earners (60+ is average amongst his colleagues), and inherited capital for deposits or other big purchases (lower mortgage, free childcare from gps, school fees or wraparound clubs, presents like cars etc)

Where we live, rather than where he works, I know so many in similar circumstances to us- not just recently. Some do split shifts (1parent works only nights, 1only days) generally when both are low earners. Some manage by not paying tax ( cash in hand/self employed). I know of 2 single households that haven’t turned on the boiler in years- no hot water, etc.
poverty is cyclical - your poorest time as a working professional is when you have 2 young dc. Then primary school hours bring some relief, then more so at secondary- one statistical way to look at is- the richest age is currently between 14-16 yo! Because of disposable income v outgoings 🤷‍♀️