I earn £60k and I can’t keep my family warm

[Theyarellthesame]

Exactly that and I’m so, so frightened.

im 31 and I’ve done everything ‘right’ - went to uni, got myself a job and in 8 years increased my wage from £16k to £60k. We waited 13 years to have a baby until we’d saved up £20k so I could afford maternity leave, had £6k-ish left over after mat leave.

I live rurally in one of the cheapest areas in the country in a 4 bed Victorian semi, it’s not grand in any way. Lovely, but a basic 4 bed, 3 storey family home. When we moved in I had the loft insulated but we can’t have a smart meter because of something to do with where the meter is located.

My DH is a SAHP so no childcare costs for my 18 month old and he’d only be able to earn minimum wage so his take home pay per hour would be less than the cost of childcare, hence why he’s a SAHP.

Yesterday I got an email from bulb putting my direct debit up again from £290
to £470. It was £120 2 years ago. On top of everything else going up I just categorically cannot afford to pay that. There isn’t enough money by £149 a month to cover the bills for the household.

I think my options are to cancel paying in to my pension to free up that money or stop paying my student loan? Can you do student loan holidays?

mortgage is on a 5 year fix with 2 years left at 1.99% so that’s as low as it can go, we don’t have Netflix, sky or Prime anymore, we just have a TV license. We do have a Spotify subscription. Both our phones are on £20 a month contracts, we don’t have any debt other than student loans and the mortgage. We do have a dog and his pet insurance is £60 a month but it’s none- negotiable that we keep that going.

We batch cook using the instant pot to avoid putting the oven on, we do use the washing machine a lot because we use reusable nappies. I drive a plug in hybrid so the electric is high because of that.

We have 1 or 2 U.K. holidays a year, usually a static caravan or holiday cottage for a few days. Total cost of holidays per year is around £1k so I’ve already knocked saving for those on the head.

No chance of my wage increasing again any time soon, I’ve pushed very hard for the last 8 years to climb a very greasy ladder and there’s no where else to go from here.

WTF do I do?! There’s news all the time how this is going to get worse again in January and the only advice coming out seems to be ‘go and get a better paid job’ but I HAVE a well paid job! we want another baby but I’m currently telling DH no because we can’t afford it and need to save like crazy.

Im very very frightened, how much worse is it likely to get from here?

I haven’t read all posts, but I have read all your posts.
The best I can suggest is
-check Bulb are not suggesting massively increasing direct debit just because,
-see if you can get a time of use tariff for car charging? We have Octopus , much cheaper for 4 hours at night and we also run the dishwasher then.

-investigate taking a payment holiday from student loan (disclaimer I don’t know if it’s possible, I’m older than student loans).

And finally - it’s not ideal but temporarily reduce (not scrap altogether) your pension contributions. You should think of this as a very time limited thing - eg for 1 year, or until your car insurance goes down , which it will once DH isn’t newly qualified.

Good luck!

Not many families can live on one wage.

MrsKeats- They can on 30k. But if I were you I'd be resentful of you having to take up all the slack, pay the mortgage, and your husband not working @Theyarellthesame . I would lose all respect for him.

I know he looks after the kids but most people manage with their DC in nursery. If you're all struggling on your income, then he needs to do his bit financially too.

I don’t know why you’re so worried about this when you have such huge amounts of money coming in? You have to reduce your pension. That’s it. You’ve been extremely lucky to be able to pay that much into it - now you need to drop it right back.

You’re also spending about as much as I do on food when we are a family of five to your four.

I think you’re catastrophising massively, there’s lots you can do here. And PS I also have a SAHP partner but I earn £45k; he’s looking for jobs though.

Loads of people do!!!!

PS it’s lovely to hear of a family pulling together like you do - your DH’s family coming through for you, and now you and your DH for his sister. You should be very proud of that.

Sorry- 60k @MrsKeats - you really think people can't live on that? It's over twice the average salary. So it'd be equivalent to 2 people on an average salary working.

Having said that, I don't think OP should have to do all the earning for the whole family.

Thanks all - there's some really good advice here and it's good to see what others are paying in comparison to some of our bills.

Food we can cut back on - DH does all the cooking and batch cooks a lot, but he really enjoys it and things are probably more elaborate than they need to be, so we can aim to bring that down by £100 a month or so. We shop at Morrisons and Aldi already but don't always buy the basic range, although often do.

I can't remember which post it was and the thread moves fast - but the poster who said there's a lot about this being psychological is absolutely right.

My fear always is not having somewhere that's 'home' and feeling like I need to rely on someone else's good nature to make sure I'm fed and clothed - be that another person or even the government. Without going into too much detail, for much of my life there has been no safety and no fall back plan - when you grow up in situations where there's constant threat of eviction, no money of your own and you have zero control about where you live and even who you live with, when you finally do get your independence you grab it with both hands and you just keep moving forwards. Any step in the wrong direction, be it financial or otherwise is a minor set back for someone else but to me it's like the sky is falling. It's a hangover from my circumstances that I feel so frightened of moving backwards and the feeling of not being able to afford my life has been a major panic.

I can see though now that I CAN afford it with some tweaks and I just need some proper advice - so I'm going to speak to the IFA at work next week and get someone to properly look at my finances and what I should do. The cost of reducing my pension payments in the long term is massive, but might be needed until DS turns 3 for example.

Thanks all, you've been brutal (and some of you need a serious word with yourselves) but it's actually helped.

Absolutely this.

all companies are trying to put up direct debits. Becuase a lot of people simply don’t challenge or don’t realise that the companies are basing their DD demands on a rolling 12 month future usage. But they really don’t do that well, and if you have changed supplier in last 12 months they don’t even have their data

sit down and create a spreadsheet . Put in your ACTUAL usage in kWh for each of last 12 month quarters, or even more if you have that. You can get those form your previous bills . Note you will have to convert your gas meter number into kWh-not difficult just look up conversation multiplier on your bill or Internet. That is your annual usage. If you have more than 12 months data use that as well as long as your usage is consistent- then get your 12 month usage in kWh per year.

that is what your DD should be based on
so now convert that kWh into your actual payment for the year based on rates you are paying for gas and electricity
then add your standing charges for 12 months
total that up
divide by 12

and that’s what your direct debit should be

if they are out then it really is simple to call them up and say you don’t agree with their number. Tell them how you’ve reached your number. Tell them your calculated annual usage in kWh. Then tell the, how much you will pay.

in truth I have never had a company argue with me. They’ve always reduced. In fact last time they tried that game was over summer months, I tried to enter a reading for gas on line and it rejected it saying it was not valid- doh that’s because I hardly used any gas at all over summer as I live on my own. They’d just assumed my usage in winter was based on average household . In fact when they recalculated with my new meter reading it was even lower than I was offering them.

sort this out first rather than panicking Op.

If they are right then you really must look at reducing that bill as it’s very high .

I can see though now that I CAN afford it with some tweaks

Good

The problem with one earner is that the other person is not using their tax free allowance.
So if the other partner earns 11k for example they get to take all that home.

the more i follow this thread the more I'm getting frustrated, the title of your post is needlessly incendiary and quite insulting to people to genuinely cannot heat their homes after cutting back as much as they can.

Should be called "I earn £60k and I can't manage money"

You're not being very receptive to advice here and taking it quite personally

Mortgage and council tax first - always.
Your food bill can be halved.
Pension is far too high - cut down temporarily
Rainy day fund paused as now is a rainy day.
Spotify - you don't need it.
Dog - I get it as previously stated.
Car - expensive to run and own - sell it and get a more modest one?

No one is saying a SAHP doesnt work. But righltly or wrongly it is now a luxury, we're no longer in a time where one salary can sustain a household. Your OH could look at part time work?

My mum would have loved to stay at home with me whilst my dad went out to work, but we couldn't afford to do that, so both parents worked.

My husband is on £58k. We pay £800 mortgage on a 4 bed house worth similar to yours. We have 2 teens.
Our DD has just been increased to £340 which we can manage. Your other outgoings must be astronomical if you're going to struggle with that increase.

What's much more?

He's doing childcare for 44 hours a week, plus two nights in a pub day extra 7 hours plus the guitar thing so say 5 hours on that. That's 56 hours.
With commute, is doing 44 hours.

Perhaps OP can find one of these magical jobs who's hours just happen to fit around everything else? She has more hours free a week after all 🙄

I doubt this would be said the a SAHM, it would be expected that the working outside the home parent would be 'doing his share' because the SAHM is so exhausted whereas he has had a breeze at work!

Can your DH make enough in ukulele sales to cover a day in nursery?

Turns out he has a job and a side hustle

My fear always is not having somewhere that's 'home' and feeling like I need to rely on someone else's good nature to make sure I'm fed and clothed - be that another person or even the government. Without going into too much detail, for much of my life there has been no safety and no fall back plan - when you grow up in situations where there's constant threat of eviction, no money of your own and you have zero control about where you live and even who you live with, when you finally do get your independence you grab it with both hands and you just keep moving forwards. Any step in the wrong direction, be it financial or otherwise is a minor set back for someone else but to me it's like the sky is falling. It's a hangover from my circumstances that I feel so frightened of moving backwards and the feeling of not being able to afford my life has been a major panic.

@Theyarellthesame Therapy would help you with this. It's well worth the money. Or you might be able to get it through work, or if you have health insurance.

@XCTX I agree

Exactly. I appreciate some people mortgages etc. are high, but 3.6k net would cover our expenses and I would be able to save few hundred quid as SAHM. This is our combined income and I save at least £200, some months £600, depends on what expenses we have each moth. We don't live hand to mouth too. The biggest expense which is childcare isn't an item for OP, which is good. Their family expenses just need a bit of work, searching for new quotes, ditching morrisons etc.

Dog owner here.
What is the excess for your dog should you need to claim given that he's 9 years old? It's often higher than it is for a young dog and then you often have to pay a percentage of the bill. £160 a month is huge.
Another vote for paying less into pension.
Council tax.... Is that over ten months or 12? Our council does it over 10 but if we paid it over 12 it would obviously bring the monthly payments down.
Can you wfh any more to save on travel costs? It's a long commute.

Can you ditch playgroup and invite people round instead?

@XCTX couldn't agree more

Makes me wonder if it's a wind up by someone with too much time on their hands

@Theyarellthesame HI Op. Can I strongly encourage you to go over to the Money Saving Expert website and set up a diary there under Debt Free Wannabes. It is a really friendly supportive group of people from all walks of life who will give you feedback on ways to save whilst being understanding of some of the issues you face.

forums.moneysavingexpert.com/categories/debt-free-diaries

I think you will find a more caring and practical response there and you can keep the diary going as long as you like. Many posters have been doing it for years and years and are no longer in debt, but use it to stay on track with family finances, even more so in current difficult times.

I totally understand why you are helping your SiL given your background in care, her losing her parents so young and how DH's parents helped you as a teenager. Don't feel you have to justify that - it's a genuinely loving & kind thing to do, especially if she reciprocates with childcare which can help family income.

I think you can transfer some of it? As your DH has a job OP he might be able to transfer some of his personal allowance?

Why are you paying your pension out of your net salary? You are missing out on tax relief on at least part of the £750, that could make quite a difference.

I agree the car and dog insurance are high per month, hopefully car insurance will come down next year.