I earn £60k and I can’t keep my family warm

[Theyarellthesame]

Exactly that and I’m so, so frightened.

im 31 and I’ve done everything ‘right’ - went to uni, got myself a job and in 8 years increased my wage from £16k to £60k. We waited 13 years to have a baby until we’d saved up £20k so I could afford maternity leave, had £6k-ish left over after mat leave.

I live rurally in one of the cheapest areas in the country in a 4 bed Victorian semi, it’s not grand in any way. Lovely, but a basic 4 bed, 3 storey family home. When we moved in I had the loft insulated but we can’t have a smart meter because of something to do with where the meter is located.

My DH is a SAHP so no childcare costs for my 18 month old and he’d only be able to earn minimum wage so his take home pay per hour would be less than the cost of childcare, hence why he’s a SAHP.

Yesterday I got an email from bulb putting my direct debit up again from £290
to £470. It was £120 2 years ago. On top of everything else going up I just categorically cannot afford to pay that. There isn’t enough money by £149 a month to cover the bills for the household.

I think my options are to cancel paying in to my pension to free up that money or stop paying my student loan? Can you do student loan holidays?

mortgage is on a 5 year fix with 2 years left at 1.99% so that’s as low as it can go, we don’t have Netflix, sky or Prime anymore, we just have a TV license. We do have a Spotify subscription. Both our phones are on £20 a month contracts, we don’t have any debt other than student loans and the mortgage. We do have a dog and his pet insurance is £60 a month but it’s none- negotiable that we keep that going.

We batch cook using the instant pot to avoid putting the oven on, we do use the washing machine a lot because we use reusable nappies. I drive a plug in hybrid so the electric is high because of that.

We have 1 or 2 U.K. holidays a year, usually a static caravan or holiday cottage for a few days. Total cost of holidays per year is around £1k so I’ve already knocked saving for those on the head.

No chance of my wage increasing again any time soon, I’ve pushed very hard for the last 8 years to climb a very greasy ladder and there’s no where else to go from here.

WTF do I do?! There’s news all the time how this is going to get worse again in January and the only advice coming out seems to be ‘go and get a better paid job’ but I HAVE a well paid job! we want another baby but I’m currently telling DH no because we can’t afford it and need to save like crazy.

Im very very frightened, how much worse is it likely to get from here?

Is a sideways move to a job with more benefits like paid maternity an option. Your current job is a long commute too albeit 3 days. Even if salary same less commute and a paid maternity in future would equate to a big pay rise.
What are your DH long term plans and earning potential. Often better with 2 adults x 4 day rather than 1 and 1 SAHP at this sort of level due to tax and cb.

Your car insurance is very high. I have no no-claims bonus and a recent accident and mine is £250 for the year.

I do want to say though as well that - aside from the massive fuel costs to be looked at and the issue that maybe DH’s side hustle/SAHP/bar work is not a long-term plan - you sound like you’re doing great, really. Lots to be proud of. Your background probably feeds into making you feel really nervous about security of home and I can understand that. Try not to catastrophise though.

On your job - 48-mile commute & no enhanced parental leave benefits - is there any better company out there? Or can you lobby your employer for better T&Cs - are you in a union?

The direct debit thing over summer is a real problem - I was paying very high dd over summer - and realised when I went to check that I was 1k in credit - it’s easy to change the dd to reflect what you actually owe and use - I was furious when I found I had been struggling over summer just for ScottishPower to tell me they owed me 1k ! I have no issue paying for what I use when I use it. These estimates seem nuts though.

I think I would forget the pension for now, you're very young and can revisit that when things are easier in the future. Or at least reduce the payments significantly.

Some of the horrible posters on here are maybe not understanding that when one has grown up in less than ideal circumstances/poverty, the fear and panic about being in that place again often never leaves you.

OP, practical advice would be to tell Bulb that your direct debit will stay the same but that you will submit meter readings each month and if it warrants an increase, you will review at the time.

Or, switch to Octopus and see what they can offer.

I’d keep your pension contributions high to keep your child benefit, tax reduction etc, but if needed, you could reduce by £100-£150 per month (or whatever amount still allows you to keep your Child benefit etc).

I personally would still find any way possible to keep the £1000 holiday fund. It is a small amount in relation to your salary, and a family break when you are the main breadwinner as something to look forward to when everything else is so stretched, is really important.

All the best

We have more coming in than you and can't afford anything more than the basic pension at the moment. I know why people do it, but not if you can't afford it.

£160 A MONTH for car insurance? That's bonkers!

I'm positive you could get cheaper pet insurance too.

And yes, having a SAHP just might not be an option you can afford at the moment I'm afraid.

You are only a few hundred quid from a really nice life, but whilst working towards “tomorrow”, you’re making “today” really difficult.

stop putting so much into the pension, you can come back to that in a few years. Right now you need that buffer to sort out your mortgage for next year!

student loans - I have no experience with these.

given those two expenses make sure you’ve wiggled enough to get child benefit.

car insurance is nuts - mine is less than £20/month because I live in a low-crime area.

pet insurance is bonkers. I love my dog as much as the next woman, but he’s an old man and I won’t hesitate to PTS if it were him or the kids. Fling £500 in “vet account” if it makes you feel better - but be realistic about his prognosis.

keep the raw food.

fuel bill is astronomical- act like a 1970s dad and live your life to a chorus of “shut that door”. 😉

I wouldn’t be in any rush to force your husband out to work. I know it’s a financial necessity for many - but there are massive benefits to the family to have someone at home to keep the peace of the house. Once she’s in pre-school he can expand his hustle.

looks like you’re trying to do everything “right” rather than what’s best for “right now”.

chin up - you’re in a great starting position and in 15 years you’ll be wondering what all the fuss was about.

£160 a month for pet insurance is crazy and the car insurance is astronomical!

"farming children out to childcare" - and you complain that people are being disparaging about SAHPs?

Overwhelmingly comments are not disparaging about SAHPs, they are pointing out the OP has choices - either both of them work more to pay for their current lifestyle or they reduce the lifestyle. Every suggestion made for significant savings isn't doable for some reason

As a high earner, in a four bedroom house with significant captial, a fully paid off car, a SAHP and over 20K a year going into savings then claiming you can't afford to keep your family warm is ridiculous.

Either way, I can't make the OPs numbers add up however hard I try, even when I adjust them as the updates come along.

Some of the horrible posters on here are maybe not understanding that when one has grown up in less than ideal circumstances/poverty, the fear and panic about being in that place again often never leaves you.

To be fair, I think most people who'd grown up in impoverished circumstances or in care and had come as far as earning 60k and having had the luxury of a SAH partner for 18 months would be counting their blessings. Not starting disingenuous posts on forums saying they can't heat their 4 bedroom Victorian house...

Add Child Benefit onto your income.

Bizarrely Bovine Colostrum powder is amazing for dogs with severe bowel disease, allergies and similar issues. Not cheap though.

Do shop around for Raw Feed kibble as well as frozen - sign up and get discounts etc.

When the car insurance goes down that will help a lot.

You could trim the food shop a little

I suppose there is zero government assistance for reducing the monthly payments for student loan repayments. Perhaps investigate regarding a hardship scheme especially linked to the additional borrowing.

Can you extend your mortgage term to reduce monthly payments on your fixed rate?

How much could you reduce your pension contribution by without impacting on receiving child benefit?

I would probably reduce your pension contributions to £200 or £300 per month. That would give you £270 to 370 per month extra once the child benefit you would lose is deducted. It doesn't need to be forever, just to get you through the next few years until your child starts school.
Sadly you may not have dog related expenses by then either. (i don't say that flippantly, just as a reality considering his size and age. We lost our beloved dog in the summer and this has meant a significant reduction in outgoings. I'd give anything to have my furry best friend and those costs back)

Try to reduce your energy costs aa much as possible.
See if DH can do more shifts such as a full day at the weekend. It might be for now he is better off doing extra bar or restaurant work rather than the woodwork. He could then pick the woodwork up again once your child starts school or gets nursery hours

Your costs for your dog are really high. Food for our two dogs is half what you pay for yours (a medium and large breed). Insurance is also really high, which it will be for an old, ill dog. You need to have a chat to some insurance companies - pre-existing conditions won’t be covered but you need to understand what that actually entails (our dog had some ear infections as a pup and now anything with her ears isn’t covered so we’re stuck with them until she’s about 10/12 when we’ll stop paying for insurance and Dave instead). You may be better off paying/saving for those pre-existing conditions yourself and getting some cheaper insurance. I know our dogs are younger but, including a dog Walker and training, our two dogs cost only slightly more than yours per month. There’s a lot of information on the rescue charities about managing pet costs at the moment.

Car insurance is really high. Have you recently had an accident or are you including breakdown cover and fuel costs in there too because I don’t see those in your list? If it’s that high because SIL is also insured for the months that she’s home, you need to look at doing this ad-hoc or she needs to add to the insurance. It’s nice to support teenagers while at university - as long as you can afford it.

You earn 60k and work from 2 days a week so there is some flexibility. I would look at compressing your hours. If your current work won’t let you compress your hours then you should look elsewhere. This is the discussion I’m having with DH at the minute so I know there are employers who aren’t open to this arrangement but staying with those employers isn’t a luxury people with children have at the minute. You can then have your DS for a day a week while DH works either from home, at the pub or he makes enough from his side hustle.

Your DH needs to find a job working nights

Um, if he's looking after a child in the day and working nights when would he sleep?!

He's the full time childcare. (Unless the child is at school in which case perhaps he can find some homeworking or a school-hours job or even take up childminding, but that isn't always going to be immediate or easy.)

I think the big problem has to be the size of the mortgage (nice to have but you didn't really need 4 bedrooms) and the fact that a large Victorian house is (probably) going to haemorrhage heat and hence money.

Yes you did do everything right under the prevailing conditions OP, and I feel for you. Unfortunately, the economy changes and people find themselves in a pickle. Only the very well off, or at least mortgage- and child-free (children are so expensive, even if doing everything on a budget) are going to manage to breeze through. Many people who think their mortgages were stress-tested at the point of getting them (affordability including if rates rise) are finding out that they weren't - not enough anyway.

Whilst you are on a decent individual salary, it seems like you are trying to live a more expensive life than your household income allows.

You have a holiday fund, expensive car, huge additional pension payments, high phone contracts, expensive pet, spent £5k on a workshop for a hobby (only bringing in £100 per month so it is a hobby), have a SAH parent. You may think all these are necessary but they are luxuries a lot of people don’t have and you don’t have a particularly high household income.

You either need to cut back on some of these luxuries, or your DH needs to get a proper job. You can get the tax free childcare scheme to help with childcare costs and childminder payments are significantly less than minimum wage so your DH should still bring in extra income, or he can work evenings and weekends (he needs to do more than two evening shifts per week). But you can’t have everything you are doing now on just your one income or month.

Council tax is right, I didn't even know that was expensive compared to the rest of the country, it's just what it is up here. Re: pet insurance it was a typo in my first post - I wouldn't have highlighted it as expensive if I meant it was only £60 a month, it's £160.

My car insurance is indeed ridiculous, it's a second hand Kia Sorento ffs not a jag. It's because DH is newly qualified and I had an accident last year so no no claims. It was the cheapest deal at the time, we'll be shopping around when it renews in March.

OP pay your council tax over 12 months instead of 10!

Even with DH as a new driver that seems really high for car ins as presumably he’s 30 + too. I’d really shop around. If it’s the actual car making it high consider a swap - different models can really vary.

I have not read the full thread just OPs posts so this may have been said already.
Your phone cost are really high, I pay less than 5 pounds a month for calls texts and some data. It is well worth shopping around.

lower your pension contribution and be a bit more savvy shopper and you can afford it.

If your husband’s business is viable then look into putting your child in childcare for some hours whilst he builds up his business. If not then he should look at other stuff. Maybe he could become a childminder since he’s already looking after a child?

Very very good point and we have exactly that, there's a fireplace in the living room that extends up to the main bedroom and then up to the loft. You light the fire downstairs and it heats the entire house on that side top to bottom as long as you keep the doors shut.

Sorry if this has already been suggested but could you take a lodger/aupair type lodger on the basis that the rent is a bit lower than normal because they provide childcare one afternoon a week?

Obviousy you'd need to make sure DBS checked etc but this would mean both a bit of extra income and free up your husband to take a part time job.

Your DH can earn some extra cash on the weekend while you have the kids, one shift a week delivering pizza's would give you what you need xx