I earn £60k and I can’t keep my family warm

[Theyarellthesame]

Exactly that and I’m so, so frightened.

im 31 and I’ve done everything ‘right’ - went to uni, got myself a job and in 8 years increased my wage from £16k to £60k. We waited 13 years to have a baby until we’d saved up £20k so I could afford maternity leave, had £6k-ish left over after mat leave.

I live rurally in one of the cheapest areas in the country in a 4 bed Victorian semi, it’s not grand in any way. Lovely, but a basic 4 bed, 3 storey family home. When we moved in I had the loft insulated but we can’t have a smart meter because of something to do with where the meter is located.

My DH is a SAHP so no childcare costs for my 18 month old and he’d only be able to earn minimum wage so his take home pay per hour would be less than the cost of childcare, hence why he’s a SAHP.

Yesterday I got an email from bulb putting my direct debit up again from £290
to £470. It was £120 2 years ago. On top of everything else going up I just categorically cannot afford to pay that. There isn’t enough money by £149 a month to cover the bills for the household.

I think my options are to cancel paying in to my pension to free up that money or stop paying my student loan? Can you do student loan holidays?

mortgage is on a 5 year fix with 2 years left at 1.99% so that’s as low as it can go, we don’t have Netflix, sky or Prime anymore, we just have a TV license. We do have a Spotify subscription. Both our phones are on £20 a month contracts, we don’t have any debt other than student loans and the mortgage. We do have a dog and his pet insurance is £60 a month but it’s none- negotiable that we keep that going.

We batch cook using the instant pot to avoid putting the oven on, we do use the washing machine a lot because we use reusable nappies. I drive a plug in hybrid so the electric is high because of that.

We have 1 or 2 U.K. holidays a year, usually a static caravan or holiday cottage for a few days. Total cost of holidays per year is around £1k so I’ve already knocked saving for those on the head.

No chance of my wage increasing again any time soon, I’ve pushed very hard for the last 8 years to climb a very greasy ladder and there’s no where else to go from here.

WTF do I do?! There’s news all the time how this is going to get worse again in January and the only advice coming out seems to be ‘go and get a better paid job’ but I HAVE a well paid job! we want another baby but I’m currently telling DH no because we can’t afford it and need to save like crazy.

Im very very frightened, how much worse is it likely to get from here?

Ok - have you shopped around for pet insurance? I know you said your dog's 9, so it might not be feasible but worth a try.
What's the 'fuel' charge for - are you not paying to charge your car in the power bill?
You could definitely do better on the mobile/broadband front. And possibly the food, although that's getting harder.
Car insurance is incredibly high - we pay very little more than that annually.

If I've done my maths correctly you are spending about 20% of your salary on pension contributions. That seems like something to look at potentially. If your £240 pm really is summer energy usage then that seems pretty high to me and likely to cause high estimated bills. For context, we live in a 5-bed 1920s house with not great insulation and a large open plan area downstairs, we are using just under £100 p.m. currently.

I think your pension payment would be out of step with people on your income so you’re finding it harder

Do a temporary reduction and also how much alcohol in the shopping? Seems quite high for two adults and a toddler

Can you get cheaper car insurance? We pay £60 for SUV. What kind of car do you guys have? Something big with big engine? Your pension contribution is massive, I'd put less for now (I appreciate you're trying to think few steps ahead, but it's too much for now).

Their kid is 18 months old, he's not sitting on his arse, he's looking after their kid so she can work. Working whilst your partner looks after the kids doesn't make you a cash cow ffs and there's no indication, considering he already works two nights and has a side line that he intends to never work again

Your husband needs be working evenings and weekends in a paid job.
Its on my for the next 18 months until you get the free 30 hours childcare at 3 years old.
If he's already working 2 evenings and a side hustle and only earning 350 then he needs to give the side hustle up for now. It isn't paying enough.

No advice, just coming on to say you sound like a lovely family - and well done you for taking in your SIL, what a great thing to do.

You’ve done so well, coming through the care system and should be proud of yourself. I’m so sorry for the loss of your IL’s, they sound like they were very good people.

Only thing to do I think is definitely don’t have another baby for a good few years (we’re not for the same reasons) and keep submitting meter readings and keeping heating low. Maybe look at your car situation longer term if it’ll sell for a good amount.

Good luck, OP. You’re not in this alone, heaven knows how most people will get through this winter.

@3WildOnes

The car is a plug in hybrid, as stated in the first post.

They typically have 1/10th the battery capacity of an electric, so it would not require that much energy to charge.

Even if it did, it would make financial sense, because my guess is the amount of electrical energy used to charge it would cost much less than the cost of petrol/diesel equivalent.

I agree. Grocery shopping could be reduced to £350-400 and you won't starve.

£500 on food is insane. For two adults and a baby? Are you having steak and lobster every night? I spend around £300 a month for 3 adults and 1 hungry teen.

Also you need to temporarily reduce those pension contributions. I know pension savings are important but when you are living this close to your means you need to look at it sensibly. A temporary reduction for a couple of years while the economy stabilises and cost of living recovers isn't really going to harm your future pension when you are as young as you are.

OP, you and your husband sound fantastic and I’m full of admiration for all you’ve achieved. I don’t think you are doing anything wrong, you are just coming up against the limitations on expenditure/lifestyle that most of us face. I think these are often invisible as people don’t talk about them and in the media, including MN, high earners are over represented.

I'm in my late 40s and the truth is that I don’t know any families who don’t have family money who have:

• one parent at home
• as many kids as they want
• a biggish house
• pets
• have the heating on
• saving lots for the future
• holidays etc

the reality is that most people are making compromises in one or more of those areas, even with well paid jobs. So what you are coming up against is very normal - universal in my world. The trick is to decide what is most important to you and prioritise that.

OP is that car insurance on two cars? That seems high even for you both to be insured.

I'd consider trying to shop around for pet insurance too but that might be more difficult if the dogs got ongoing conditions

The £400 on your student loan doesn’t add up, it’s higher than it should be on your income and the deduction is taken from your gross pay before it gets to you just as tax and NI is, so unless you’re making extra contributions - and if you are, you can’t afford them so need to stop - you’re double counting it.

I haven’t read all posts only the 1st page so don’t know if anyone has suggested this but why doesn’t your partner register as a childminder? If he likes being home, you want more children and don’t want to pay childcare, this could be a good option. I know so many mums who have become childminders because they didn’t want to leave their children and they earn a lot of money.
I can’t even find 1 in my area, lots of people are desperate for childcare for school runs and after school times.

What does your partner suggest, Op?

Have you double checked the direct debit makes sense?

I send in meter readings monthly too, and Bulb still tried to screw me over with a massive DD with the fob off 'but energy prices are going up.'

I actually calculated my bill based on usage and the new rates, argued with them repeatedly and eventually got them to reduce it to a more reasonable amount. Although, it's now just gone down again because of the energy grant - has that not hit you yet?

Just be aware with Bulb that just because you're giving them accurate readings, does not mean they're not putting up your DD to a stupid number that has no bearing on reality. Do the maths in an Excel spreadsheet and confirm.

Is your council tax spread over 12 months or 10?

For me what jumps out is:
student loan -that seems too high. Contact them to check.

food - cheaper supermarket? Batch cook? Cook from scratch. my DH is self employed but SAHP. He cooks everything from scratch in the day to save money.

pension - far too much to be paying in when you can’t afford it!

So when does he sleep?

On first glance, I’d reduce the pension payment, shop around for your car insurance (it seems really high) and try to trim the food bill a bit (again it seems a lot for 2 adults and a toddler).

Are you on a tariff for car charging? We pay under half your new cost for 4 bed house with 4 people, including charging an electric car 5 days a week, and one working from home full time. I did find reducing the temperature on the boiler significantly reduced our gas usage.

I hate threads like this. People are such arseholes on them, practically falling over themselves to suggest that both parents should be working 80 hours a week living in 2 rooms spending £10 a week on shopping.

Don't take it personally OP.

I'm afraid you don't have the luxury of being able to afford putting 750 a month into your pension at the moment OP. It is clearly a sensible thing to do WHEN YOU CAN AFFORD TO. But you can't. Your bills look pretty similar to "average", but most people on your income can't afford to save nearly a grand a month!

Your car insurance is crazy as well. Has one of you got points on your license or had an accident? What car do you have?

Have you posted your actual energy usage? Not the £, the kWh. Your usage sounds crazy. Do the tools your DH uses for his wood work use a lot of power or something?

I'd reduce the pension contribution for a start (you can always hike them again when things are better). What's the point in having a great pension if you risk losing your home! By the time you retire, the kids will have flown the nest and you can sell your home and buy somewhere more modest and use the rest as your 'pension top up'. Heating a 3 story/4 bed home must cost a fortune.
When you have a clear head, log into your energy account and try and calculate last years useage on the new rates. When you have that info to hand, call the energy supplier and ask how they've calculated the increase. I've heard so much from friends/family about their huge hikes, which have massively reduced once spoken to them. There's a related article here - www.which.co.uk/news/article/ofgem-demands-energy-suppliers-urgently-review-customers-increasing-direct-debits-aimxA8o6AMWk.

Your wage is decent round here NE that would be considered a good wage. Your dh needs to get a job back to back to yours its what me and my dh do any many others and we have 3 kids.