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AIBU?

To go to school and demand the money back?

89 replies

AmIThatMam · 02/10/2022 17:35

I’ll try to do the short version-DH found DS11 empty wallet in his school bag. He asked why is it in there and why is it empty?
reply was - you know I bought that (random toy) off my friend.
(last week he came home with (random toy) and said he’d bought it off a friend for £7- we told him he’s not to take money to school and not to buy things from friends, to come and speak to us.)
so husband said - well you had more than £25 so where’s the rest.
son said he’s given it to a friend - hubby asked what for - he said a ‘donation’. Hubby comes and tells me so I asked son to come and explain to me. He says he gave it to ‘Sam’ I said well I’m calling Sam’s mum as I want to know what’s gone on- son says ‘please don’t please no! I gave it to ‘Luke’ for ‘his crush’ - who is Luke? - child in my form-
he started to cry, I asked did he threaten you- no, what was the conversation? He’s just asked me for £15.
so round and round in circles, son says not being bullied, Nothing else going on, just wanted the money I gave it to him. I’m sorry I won’t do it again etc.
WIBU to go in/contact school to see what the fuck is going on? Why is this kid asking for money? Can I get it back?
what could they do if anything?
for background, he’s in year 7, gone from small village school to massive academy. ‘Luke’ is not known to us and never been mentioned before.
DS is a young 11, shy around people he doesn’t know, small for his age, not into sports, a bit of a mumbler and a people pleaser.
He lied about the bus being late the other day and went to the park (he’s allowed to go to the park and couldn’t explain why he lied).
if you’ve got this far thanks for reading! Any advice greatly received!

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

281 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
44%
You are NOT being unreasonable
56%
FiloPasty · 02/10/2022 17:38

I have no idea what the best course of action is but I’d be booking a meeting with his form tutor asap.

Stellaroses · 02/10/2022 17:39

I’d be alarmed and would definitely contact the school. I can’t think of anything more useful to do. The exchange of money happened in school so they should know about it. Your ds’ upset reaction is also strange. More going on I think.

Keyansier · 02/10/2022 17:41

He's being bullied, intimidated, coerced or being taken advantage of. None of these are good. Speak to the school.

GreenLeavesRustling · 02/10/2022 17:41

This is something you need to deal with with your son. The school have enough to do! Work on confidence and common sense with your son, so something like this doesn’t happen again.

Apart from anything else it is a bad idea to take cash into school, because it can be lost or stolen. Or given away, as it seems your son has done.

canyouextrapol · 02/10/2022 17:43

You can't demand money back from the school. They've not got it. You can speak politely to someone and ask them to investigate what's gone on

Rocketclub · 02/10/2022 17:43

Poor sod.

step in and if necessary move him - this is bullying

if you can get him a counsellor he has no boundaries or confidence

AmIThatMam · 02/10/2022 17:45

FiloPasty · 02/10/2022 17:38

I have no idea what the best course of action is but I’d be booking a meeting with his form tutor asap.

Yes , I’m leaning towards that!as the best way forward , thank you.

OP posts:
HappyKoala56 · 02/10/2022 17:46

I wouldn't expect the money back - they're 11 years old so going to shops etc on their own.....I would assume it's well gone by now. I would however be talking to his form tutor - he is at the very least being taken advantage of. Intervention is needed

LIZS · 02/10/2022 17:46

Agree meeting with form tutor or hoy to raise possible issues with fitting in, socialising and friendships. Meanwhile no cash in school.

BadGranny · 02/10/2022 17:46

Why did an 11 year old child have £25 in cash on him in school?

AmIThatMam · 02/10/2022 17:46

Stellaroses · 02/10/2022 17:39

I’d be alarmed and would definitely contact the school. I can’t think of anything more useful to do. The exchange of money happened in school so they should know about it. Your ds’ upset reaction is also strange. More going on I think.

Thanks, yes this is the worry. Honestly it’s heart breaking. I know he’s not the only kid in the world this will happen to but he’s still my baby & just doesn’t sit right what he’s said to explain it :(

OP posts:
TulipCat · 02/10/2022 17:47

No, you can't "demand" things from the school. The leap from primary to secondary is big for both children and parents. One of the biggest challenges for parents is the lack of involvement and not knowing individual children's parents. The first port of call would be your son's form tutor. And not taking any more cash to school.

AmIThatMam · 02/10/2022 17:48

GreenLeavesRustling · 02/10/2022 17:41

This is something you need to deal with with your son. The school have enough to do! Work on confidence and common sense with your son, so something like this doesn’t happen again.

Apart from anything else it is a bad idea to take cash into school, because it can be lost or stolen. Or given away, as it seems your son has done.

Thank you, yes of course we don’t want to give the school more work to do. We did say not to take money into school and he’s had his wallet confiscated so it will be kept in a locked drawer.
good advice about confidence building etc, I did say to DH I feel like we’ve dropped the ball here.

OP posts:
Berthatydfil · 02/10/2022 17:48

Keyansier · 02/10/2022 17:41

He's being bullied, intimidated, coerced or being taken advantage of. None of these are good. Speak to the school.

This 100%.
He may not see it as that, he may see it as something friends do, but if he has come from a small school and from your description less streetwise than other pupils and vulnerable to being exploited.
Approach the school and tell them whats happened. Luke and Sam may well have form for this. Also seek strategies to help your ds to say no.

CaptainMyCaptain · 02/10/2022 17:49

You should speak to the school so they know what's going on but the school can't be expected to refund the money.

AmIThatMam · 02/10/2022 17:49

canyouextrapol · 02/10/2022 17:43

You can't demand money back from the school. They've not got it. You can speak politely to someone and ask them to investigate what's gone on

I was being a bit dramatic there but I did mean demand it back from the child, not the school!

OP posts:
Thatboymum · 02/10/2022 17:51

I don’t understand what the school has to do with it tbh , perfectly reasonable to speak to the other kids mum but I’d also have some consequences for your son. Like he can no longer have access to his money without asking an adult for it

AmIThatMam · 02/10/2022 17:52

BadGranny · 02/10/2022 17:46

Why did an 11 year old child have £25 in cash on him in school?

He snuck it in his bag, we weren’t aware. (It was his saved up pocket money)

OP posts:
ThatGirlInACountrySong · 02/10/2022 17:53

I'm sure the school day don't bring in valuables/excess cash for this very reason

Going in to 'demand' is not reasonable

AmIThatMam · 02/10/2022 17:55

Thatboymum · 02/10/2022 17:51

I don’t understand what the school has to do with it tbh , perfectly reasonable to speak to the other kids mum but I’d also have some consequences for your son. Like he can no longer have access to his money without asking an adult for it

I don’t know the child or his parents so school would be the only way to contact them.

OP posts:
AmIThatMam · 02/10/2022 17:56

TulipCat · 02/10/2022 17:47

No, you can't "demand" things from the school. The leap from primary to secondary is big for both children and parents. One of the biggest challenges for parents is the lack of involvement and not knowing individual children's parents. The first port of call would be your son's form tutor. And not taking any more cash to school.

Sorry yes I was being a bit dramatic. I don’t know the child or his parents so can’t contact them directly

OP posts:
AmIThatMam · 02/10/2022 17:57

ThatGirlInACountrySong · 02/10/2022 17:53

I'm sure the school day don't bring in valuables/excess cash for this very reason

Going in to 'demand' is not reasonable

Yes of course I agree. I was being a bit flippant/dramatic with the title. I don’t have a way to contact the parents and my son snuck money in without our knowledge w

OP posts:
BlackCatTabbyCat · 02/10/2022 17:57

Are you sure he actually gave the money to these boys and isn't buying vapes or something? My daughter is in her last year of primary and there's been people in her year caught vaping! Once they are in academy it seems to be rife.

AmIThatMam · 02/10/2022 17:58

BlackCatTabbyCat · 02/10/2022 17:57

Are you sure he actually gave the money to these boys and isn't buying vapes or something? My daughter is in her last year of primary and there's been people in her year caught vaping! Once they are in academy it seems to be rife.

Oh Jesus I hadn’t thought of that! I suppose it’s a possibility isn’t it? 😢

OP posts:
FurryDandelionSeekingMissile · 02/10/2022 17:59

Thatboymum · 02/10/2022 17:51

I don’t understand what the school has to do with it tbh , perfectly reasonable to speak to the other kids mum but I’d also have some consequences for your son. Like he can no longer have access to his money without asking an adult for it

There's something funny going on — a new y7 kid sneaking their savings into school, giving them to another child, trying to cover it up and panicking when it seems to be coming out. There could be a systemic issue in the school, or another child who has a behaviour issue that needs dealing with or something going on at home. If this is an isolated thing happening between kids in y7 and nobody notifies the school, what will be happening by y9 or y11?

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