To go to school and demand the money back?

[AmIThatMam]

I’ll try to do the short version-DH found DS11 empty wallet in his school bag. He asked why is it in there and why is it empty?
reply was - you know I bought that (random toy) off my friend.
(last week he came home with (random toy) and said he’d bought it off a friend for £7- we told him he’s not to take money to school and not to buy things from friends, to come and speak to us.)
so husband said - well you had more than £25 so where’s the rest.
son said he’s given it to a friend - hubby asked what for - he said a ‘donation’. Hubby comes and tells me so I asked son to come and explain to me. He says he gave it to ‘Sam’ I said well I’m calling Sam’s mum as I want to know what’s gone on- son says ‘please don’t please no! I gave it to ‘Luke’ for ‘his crush’ - who is Luke? - child in my form-
he started to cry, I asked did he threaten you- no, what was the conversation? He’s just asked me for £15.
so round and round in circles, son says not being bullied, Nothing else going on, just wanted the money I gave it to him. I’m sorry I won’t do it again etc.
WIBU to go in/contact school to see what the fuck is going on? Why is this kid asking for money? Can I get it back?
what could they do if anything?
for background, he’s in year 7, gone from small village school to massive academy. ‘Luke’ is not known to us and never been mentioned before.
DS is a young 11, shy around people he doesn’t know, small for his age, not into sports, a bit of a mumbler and a people pleaser.
He lied about the bus being late the other day and went to the park (he’s allowed to go to the park and couldn’t explain why he lied).
if you’ve got this far thanks for reading! Any advice greatly received!

I’ve been thinking about this recently, all his activities are individual (tennis, gymnastics, swimming) he has never taken to team sports and trust me we tried! But that may be why he doesn’t communicate well for his age, a lot of kids play footie together and he’s just not interested. He does have a nice group of friends, they meet at the park and game online together.

Has he tried Scouts?

I asked him if he wanted to do beavers when he was that age, explained what it all was, he had no interest. I wish I’d pushed a bit but the waiting list is long and they said if I were to volunteer…. I already do volunteer work and I’m up to my eyeballs so said no and never heard anything else. Assume he was taken off the list. I might look into scouts though, I’ll see if any of his friends go. Thanks

He’s come down in tears saying the ‘random toy’ was all a lie and it was all about ‘telling who your crush is’ (the random toy he showed us was one he already had!) Sam said I’ll tell you who it is for £5, DS said I’ll give more! 🙈 obviously Luke has overheard, seen the cash flashing and said I’ll tell you my crush for the rest of the money. So he has been very silly, he’s embarrassed and sorry for lying. I’m still talking to the teacher but I think this sounds like he’s just been a Wally and Luke is a bit more switched on and realised he can take advantage. Told DS I’m not cross and proud of him for telling the truth. 100 % taken alll comments we need to work on his confidence and social skills so lesson learnt for all.

Should say child on child abuse.

Peer on peer is "outdated" terminology.

Because you don't need to ask for help in these ways for mature, experienced and hardened children.

They're the ones that are probably targeting the younger more naive ones....

It's fairly reasonable for a year 7 to have saved that much cash...

@AmIThatMam

It's still not a team sport, but would you consider a martial arts class for your DS? It can really boost a boy's confidence and advancing through the grades can give a sense of pride. He could make friends, maybe take part in a traveling squad?

Another idea is any kids' theatre group you can find. It's ensemble work but each individual has a specific role. There's the backstage work too.

Role playing can often help a child who has no confidence or who is easily persuaded, a 'go along, get along' child who mightn't feel he could argue or banter his way out of a situation. Acting can help a timid boy find his voice.

That’s a great idea. Thank you. I think he would really enjoy martial arts & im sure there’s a
drama group at school. Definitely food for thought!

I really hope that you are not being serious!

Wow. Thankful not to have a parent like you.

The fact that he lied at first about a friend whose parents you know (and can follow up with) makes me wonder if Luke is real.

So sorry, that was to @GreenLeavesRustling not you OP!

Was just going to suggest this. We had the same exact situation in year 7, DC said similar things to yours, turns out the missing money was spent on sweets in the corner shop. We dropped off a couple of blocks from school and picked up every day from the school gates so i thought there was no way that DC would have had time to sneak to the shops, but it opens at 7am so DC went before school.

We thought we had a very compliant child who wouldn’t dare break both our and the school’s rule - they are not allowed in any of the shops near school - but we were wrong. We got the school involved as DC told us that other children asked for money, it was awful.