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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH off on holiday with his friends

81 replies

wonder113 · 02/10/2022 12:04

Despite my objection, DH has decided to join his friend's family (a couple with a baby) to go on a 10 day trip abroad.

Childcare-wise I will be able to manage (just about), but I just don't think it is reasonable. He has not travelled for nearly 3 years and said he would like to take that trip with the couple as they are moving abroad meaning we will not be able to see them for a while.

I feel miserable as he blatantly ignored my request not to go.

YAVU - just let him enjoy himself
YANU - he should not have gone

OP posts:
phishy · 02/10/2022 12:07

YANBU. How old are your dc? He is unbelievable. How much is the boliday?

britneyisfree · 02/10/2022 12:07

Why can't you go to?

Make sure you get your own holiday afterwards and leave the children with him.

Comedycook · 02/10/2022 12:08

That's very odd....he's going on their family holiday by himself?

girlmom21 · 02/10/2022 12:09

It's weird for him to tag along with their family holiday and not take your family too.

deeperthanallroses · 02/10/2022 12:09

It’s simply impossible to tell if he is being fair or not. How old are the dc, how challenging is it on your own, do you work, have you family who can help, does he support you to get out and do things you want to do, does he mostly come home after work and do dinner bath bed, is there enough money to go around so you can go to Paris next month or did he sell his wedding ring to fund this trip… All these affect the answer.

Doggiedoodoos · 02/10/2022 12:09

Eh he is going with a couple and their kid and leaving you and yours home? Fuck that no way would I agree to that. If he went I would be so annoyed i would have his bags packed on his return. So not on.

YANBU

MinnieMountain · 02/10/2022 12:10

You’re almost certainly not unreasonable OP, but what were your reasons for him not going?

My DH has just gone away for a week with a friend. We can afford it and I’ve got no problem with childcare. 10 days would be too long in our house.

Suprima · 02/10/2022 12:11

What a fucking weirdo third wheeling like that

why haven’t you been invited?

I’m not trying to be unkind OP- but the fact that he would gatecrash his friends family holiday rather than book a nice b&b/room in the same resort for his wife and child (to make a group holiday out of it) is really showing you how he feels about you and his own family life.

Chikapu · 02/10/2022 12:11

He's decided to join them? Did they invite him or is he tagging on off his own back? It's weird for him to be going on a family holiday while leaving his own behind.

Comedycook · 02/10/2022 12:12

Bet the wife of the other family is pissed off about this!

Ihatethenewlook · 02/10/2022 12:13

Why aren’t you going? A couples holiday makes more sense that him being a third wheel

TooHotToTangoToo · 02/10/2022 12:14

I presume you'll be booking a holiday for yourself and friend, or even go on your own and leave your dh to sort everything out whilst you're away?

FlounderingFruitcake · 02/10/2022 12:14

Lads holiday - fine

2 families holidaying together - also fine

Bloke leaving his own wife and kids at home to go on holiday with someone else’s - weird AF, definitely not fine

5128gap · 02/10/2022 12:15

Not enough context.
Has a trip with you and his children been discussed? If so, did you refuse? If so, was this down to valid reasons or just preference on your part?
Theres a difference between him taking off apropos of nothing, and him taking an opportunity to go on a trip alone because you don't want to go with him and/or want the children to go.

DDivaStar · 02/10/2022 12:15

Do they really want him joining them ? Is this really a priority to use 10 days of his leave ?

CatOnAHotTinRoof · 02/10/2022 12:16

Odd for a man with his own family to tag along on his own with another family. Why just him and not the two of your families taking this trip together?

Putting myself in this situation, I'd be livid. And I think I'd consider leaving my DH if he spent family finances and time on another totally separate family to his own while he left me and our children at home. Unfathomable selfish.

Original poster
wonder113 · 02/10/2022 12:23

DCs are 2 and 4. Childcare is do-able as grandparents live round the corner. He wanted us to all go together as a family but my elder DC does not want to miss school and I can't miss work. Instead of missing this trip altogether, he has decided to go on his own with the other family!

OP posts:
dontputitthere · 02/10/2022 12:24

So he's literally prioritising another family ahead of his own?

girlmom21 · 02/10/2022 12:28

wonder113 · 02/10/2022 12:23

DCs are 2 and 4. Childcare is do-able as grandparents live round the corner. He wanted us to all go together as a family but my elder DC does not want to miss school and I can't miss work. Instead of missing this trip altogether, he has decided to go on his own with the other family!

That's different if you'd been given the option of all going and declined.

Get him to take the 2 year old.

Ponoka7 · 02/10/2022 12:28

Could you have not put in for a holiday at work? Couldn't you afford to go away while the children were off school?

FlounderingFruitcake · 02/10/2022 12:35

I still think it’s a very strange thing to do, are they genuinely really honestly ok with it? I’m imagining this all being quite cringe for him, even if you’re up for a joint family holiday it doesn’t mean you want an adult man tagging along should the rest of the family not be able to make it! Not to mention the impact on your family and finances. I’d don’t know whether I’d be more embarrassed or angry.

Original poster
wonder113 · 02/10/2022 12:37

Can't take time off work as the nature of my role means I can't take extended time off during term time.

Won't get him to take 2 year old. What's the point? He is not going to be able to manage on his own, and it will 'ruin' his holiday.

OP posts:
quietnightmare · 02/10/2022 12:41

Errrr that's so weird

girlmom21 · 02/10/2022 12:41

wonder113 · 02/10/2022 12:37

Can't take time off work as the nature of my role means I can't take extended time off during term time.

Won't get him to take 2 year old. What's the point? He is not going to be able to manage on his own, and it will 'ruin' his holiday.

How can he not manage with one toddler?

Stop being a martyr. It'll make your life easier.

JustLyra · 02/10/2022 12:42

wonder113 · 02/10/2022 12:37

Can't take time off work as the nature of my role means I can't take extended time off during term time.

Won't get him to take 2 year old. What's the point? He is not going to be able to manage on his own, and it will 'ruin' his holiday.

Why would he not manage on his own with the two year old?