AIBU?
DH off on holiday with his friends
wonder113 · 02/10/2022 12:04
Despite my objection, DH has decided to join his friend's family (a couple with a baby) to go on a 10 day trip abroad.
Childcare-wise I will be able to manage (just about), but I just don't think it is reasonable. He has not travelled for nearly 3 years and said he would like to take that trip with the couple as they are moving abroad meaning we will not be able to see them for a while.
I feel miserable as he blatantly ignored my request not to go.
YAVU - just let him enjoy himself
YANU - he should not have gone
Shinyhappyperson22 · 02/10/2022 13:17
So many husbands on this site that can’t look after the kids they equally created. He can go he can just take the toddler if you and the school aged child can’t go. You and the four year old can use your non term time leave. Or are you going to get some child free time holiday too OP?
What family would want a man on his own to come on holiday for ten days. It was supposed to be both families. Would be a different and very weird dynamic now.
Testina · 02/10/2022 13:20
“He is not going to be able to manage on his own, and it will 'ruin' his holiday.”
Well, that pushed you to “unreasonable” to me. When you’re otherwise far from it - what an arsehole! But on your on own head be it if you’re going to buy into this crap that he “can’t manage” 🙄
FictionalCharacter · 02/10/2022 13:21
LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 02/10/2022 13:00
I bet my life he’s expecting the woman to watch baby while him and his mate treat it as a lad’s holiday
That's almost certainly what the husband and friend will do. It's unheard of for a man to want to join another family's holiday. If the two men are intending to make it a lads' holiday while the friend's wife looks after the kids, that would explain it.
viques · 02/10/2022 13:25
Shinyhappyperson22 · 02/10/2022 13:17
So many husbands on this site that can’t look after the kids they equally created. He can go he can just take the toddler if you and the school aged child can’t go. You and the four year old can use your non term time leave. Or are you going to get some child free time holiday too OP?
What family would want a man on his own to come on holiday for ten days. It was supposed to be both families. Would be a different and very weird dynamic now.
I doubt the female of the holiday family has been offered much choice. With my cynical head on I see two mates who fancy a holiday abroad who have invited a wife and a baby along so it looks like a family holiday not a lads jolly. I bet the wife and baby will be stuck in the holiday accommodation every evening while the guys “pop”out for a quick bar crawl.
If the OPs two year old also went on the trip the poor woman would be looking after two kids.
Bookworm20 · 02/10/2022 13:30
This is bizarre. And how would him taking 1 or both of his children ruin his holiday?
In other words - I want to go away with my mate. His wife and baby are coming, but we're planning on getting pissed every night and anyway she won't want to come out with baby, because its obviously her job to look after that, not my mates, so he'd be bored if I didn't go. If I take my own dc I can't do that.
That is literally the only explanation. I mean, who would go on a normal family holiday without their actual family?
girlmom21 · 02/10/2022 13:33
BigSandyBalls2015 · 02/10/2022 13:29
So weird! Where are they going? Is the other woman on board with this?
A 4 year old would have no idea if it was term time or school hols 🤷🏼♀️.
Why do people always assume young children are completely ignorant to things like school terms? They'll clearly know whether it's the school holidays or not.
Hitchhikingghosts · 02/10/2022 14:16
Oblomov22 · 02/10/2022 14:12
FGS, You can't look after your 2 children aged 4 and 2, on your own? You should be able to. Fir a few days. If you can't then you've got serious problems.
You can't even take the time off yourself. But you begrudge him going. Sounds nasty.
Are you not able to read @Oblomov22 ?
Childcare-wise I will be able to manage
HermioneKipper · 02/10/2022 14:17
Oblomov22 · 02/10/2022 14:12
FGS, You can't look after your 2 children aged 4 and 2, on your own? You should be able to. Fir a few days. If you can't then you've got serious problems.
You can't even take the time off yourself. But you begrudge him going. Sounds nasty.
Ahh OPs husband or lazy mate has arrived
dontputitthere · 02/10/2022 14:20
Oblomov22 · 02/10/2022 14:12
FGS, You can't look after your 2 children aged 4 and 2, on your own? You should be able to. Fir a few days. If you can't then you've got serious problems.
You can't even take the time off yourself. But you begrudge him going. Sounds nasty.
By the same token why can't the man take care of his kid for 10 days.
Besides op said she can. It's just the fucking principle.
It's fucking weird.
wonder113 · 02/10/2022 14:20
Oblomov22 · 02/10/2022 14:12
FGS, You can't look after your 2 children aged 4 and 2, on your own? You should be able to. Fir a few days. If you can't then you've got serious problems.
You can't even take the time off yourself. But you begrudge him going. Sounds nasty.
Being able to look after the kids and feeling ecstatic that he is going away alone are two different things.
Herejustforthisone · 02/10/2022 14:20
Oblomov22 · 02/10/2022 14:12
FGS, You can't look after your 2 children aged 4 and 2, on your own? You should be able to. Fir a few days. If you can't then you've got serious problems.
You can't even take the time off yourself. But you begrudge him going. Sounds nasty.
Who pissed on your chips?
Also, if you think this is reasonable behaviour by a spouse, your standards are in the gutter.
Oblomov22 · 02/10/2022 14:31
"Despite my objection" ....... "I feel miserable as he blatantly ignored my request not to go."
How many times did you talk about it. You must have known he was going, prior to him booking flights, if he did, booking time off work, talking about it, packing etc.
You've had plenty of opportunity to discuss.
Nursemumma92 · 02/10/2022 15:55
@Oblomov22 I think she has said her objections during many of these 'opportunities to discuss'... doesn't mean she can make him change his mind. If you genuinely think its acceptable for a DH to join someone's family holiday when his wife can't get leave and one child is at school then you clearly have different standards to most. If I was the wife of the DH's friend going on holiday I'd be pretty unhappy about having someone third wheeling on our holiday!
44PumpLane · 02/10/2022 16:00
I think if you have grandparents to help with childcare and there is no other drop feed about him literally never pulling his weight, constant jollies off with his mates etc that YABU and it's a bit churlish to begrudge him having his first holiday in 3 years.
If his friends will be moving abroad soon then I get that this will be a nice opportunity for him to spend time with them.
I regularly have a weekend or week break with friends while my husband looks after our twins, and have done so ever since they were 6 months old.
My husband similarly has the opportunity for similar.
We holiday as a family too of course, but it's also nice to be able to do things with friends.
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