To think that my mother is a disgraceful excuse for a human being?

[AutumnalAgedWoman]

My mother and I have not kept in touch for 10 years due to a serious fallout. She last saw DS when he was 18 months old.

We have recently been in touch due to DS being diagnosed with a serious health condition (family medical history check). DS has been asking occasionally if he could meet her to see what she's like for some years. I have always brushed it off.

Since the Queens death being everywhere, he asked a few more times (suppose he connected elderly woman dying etc) and as we'd recently texted a few times. I put the idea for a meet up with him and adult DC (I don't want to see her) to her.

She responded that she would meet him and she'd come back with date and time. That was two weeks ago and knowing her. she won't respond again. She is not a busy woman with no time to organise an afternoon drink in a pub with a grandchild she's never had a relationship with. Not ill, faculties still there.

He asked me earlier when it had been arranged for.

I just want to tell her to fuck off and die quite frankly. She is not a nice person (but no risk to DC) and she should be honoured he even wants to meet her just once.

AIBU?

What was the serious fallout about?

Your comment disturbs me, Autumnal AgedWoman.
"There is no fantasy of her like I had of my Dad. He knows she's under 'Evil Old Hag' in my phone. He knows what went on. It's curiosity and to see what's she's like as his siblings have. He did once say to me he wanted to meet her to see similarities to me as how could she be like that and me like I was!"

From your mother's perspective, she is probably right maintaining no contact. That's not a healthy reason to want to meet her.

TBH OP if she’s so awful why are you allowing your DS to meet her?

The woman hasn’t heard from you for 10 years, I don’t think she’s obliged to jump up and down with joy because you now need something from her

Tell your son you have contacted her and she's not replied. That will surely satisfy his curiosity about what she's like. That's a golden example right there.

He doesn't need to meet her so just let sleeping dogs lie. You've tried, and she's not up for it. Nothing more you need to do.

DD and DS1 said have said they'll go with him for support but don't want to get involved with arranging as they don't want to contact her

TBH I’m not surprised your mum hasn’t replied. You have put her in a very uncomfortable position. You have been estranged for 10 years. You obviously don’t like your mother and haven’t hidden your feelings from your DC. You expect her to meet a 13 year old “stranger” in a very hostile environment.

How do you think your mum feels when she has to meet up with not only a child she has never met so has no bond with, who will be escorted by two people who have made it clear they have no wish to make contact with her?

i don’t think anyone can support your stance that your mum is a terrible person without her side of what happened 10 years ago.

Your DD has a morbid desire to see his evil granny. I think my teen boy may too!

Don’t indulge it
Don’t actively go seeking to facilitate.

Just shrug and say, as expected, no word from her.

end of

If my mum was this way,no way would I let her have ANY contact with my child. If she's cut you out of her life,then that goes for any grandchildren too.