To see if there’s any groups for single parents even though I’m not a single parent

[Onmyownbutnot]

I’m exhausted here so this may be a bit more self pitying than I mean it to but I’m on my own all weekend and for large chunks of the week as well. Husband works away a lot. Even when he’s home he’s in that headspace where he’s thinking of work if you like. Then at weekends there’s always something that needs doing.

I am a bit low after endless walks in the park to look at the ducks on my own. And other friends are with their husbands and partners having family days out. I was trying to think of a way round this and single parent groups seemed a possibility but id probably just piss then off?

Afaik there aren't any "single parent groups" as such. I couldn't even imagine how that would shape up

Probably best off getting a divorce really.

Try lots of different child relate groups. My husband worked away and was only home 1 day a week. I fell in with some single mums and wives whose husbands worked away too usually month on/off. We had great times together with our kids and just met them through kids activities

@DixonD how do you put up with that? He doesn't seem to care about you or his family, no consideration, no respect, doesn't want to spend family time with you. What a pig.

That’s awful @DixonD

Mine isn’t quite as bad, we do have a day together maybe one weekend a month. But it’s just hard knowing I’m on my own all weekend with tiny children.

It doesn’t mean I want to leave, I’m hoping things will get better, but for now that’s the situation I’m in and so just trying to make the best of it.

Why does that piss you off? 🫤

DixonD it might feel like being a single parent, but for the basic fact that you have the salary of your husband and presumably he has sufficient good points for you not to have divorced him. I mean, ask yourself the question - why have you not divorced this man who does nothing for you and your DC? It’s a really good question because the points you come up with make the difference between you and a single parent. If there is nothing you can come up with, then why are you still married? Hope that it will get better? How will that happen?

It’s not that I don’t sympathise, DixonD, but having a terrible husband is not the same as being the only responsible parent. It’s having a terrible husband.

Why not start your own group up.

I've heard this before and it really pisses me off.
I sympathise in the sense that being on your own all the time is hard work but comparing yourself is unfair when you have another adult contributing financially, family holidays, birthdays, someone to help back up when kids are ill etc. Also, most single parents are dealing with an ex who is a complete nightmare and actually making our lives much harder.

How about women whose husbands are in the military and away?

@girlfriend44 i suppose because I don’t think there would be many takers for people who have a partner but who isn’t around at weekends.

Like others have said, join Meetup groups/Peanut app.

It doesn't make sense to join a single parents' group unless you're splitting with your partner. It would be like joining cancer support group when you have a different illness.

I see “days out” Facebook groups for my area. Why don’t you start one? You won’t be the only non single mum who has to look after the kids alone at the weekend

I think because that then commits me to weekends and I don’t want to if DH does return to us so to speak in the future. Anyway it’s not a big deal - was just wondering.

@Onmyownbutnot are there any stay and plays or toddler groups in your area? I've met tons of single/single-ish mums there. Then you'll be able to arrange weekend events etc.

When he is at home at. The na weekend I think you should take
yourself away and do your own thing. Join a meet up group or see what friends are doing without children in tow. Then leave him to it.

Do you work btw? I’d suggest that too if not. It seems you feel stuck in a cycle and see no way out but you do have options.

What does he do the other three weekends in a month if he’s not with you?

Why's that? Seems mean.

I would welcome you OP, it's hard always doing things with DCs on your own.

Get your own hobby!

Occupy space in your marriage. I m a bit shocked that this is happening to you.

My ex would work then game most of the evening/ weekend. He’s a better dad now he has to step up. They can do it, but choosing not to.

I’d be ok with you joining such a group. I’ll join too (I’ve never seen one).

I think if you say you’re joining as you’re lonely rather than you feel like a single parent then that’s ok.

It varies, @Rummikub , sorting the garden, going to the recycling centre, going to sort something at other house (we have a BTL) just always something.

Could you go the recycling centre etc instead of him? Leave him with the dc.

Don’t be so available to his needs and wants.. occupy space and time for yourself. I understand though as my ex did this even when divorced- would arrange weekends away and say he wasn’t available for dc.

It isn’t just the recycling centre though, it’s somehow lots of small(ish) tasks that amount to me never seeing him!

Wouldn’t bother me at all, you’re on your own, you’re not saying you’re a single parent just that you’re at a loose end and want some friends. I’m not so ‘single parents’ only with my friends that I can’t be friends with anyone else, I’ve never heard of single parent groups though. Just go to plenty clubs and groups you’ll make friends via them. Meet up was good for me when I became single, met plenty fab people. Don’t be too desperate and just see how it goes.

Anything I do go to has to be parenting related, and they don’t tend to be on at weekends - this is the issue! That’s why I thought about perhaps a group for single parents could work but I did have misgivings about this anyway.