AIBU?
To see if there’s any groups for single parents even though I’m not a single parent
Onmyownbutnot · 01/10/2022 19:00
I’m exhausted here so this may be a bit more self pitying than I mean it to but I’m on my own all weekend and for large chunks of the week as well. Husband works away a lot. Even when he’s home he’s in that headspace where he’s thinking of work if you like. Then at weekends there’s always something that needs doing.
I am a bit low after endless walks in the park to look at the ducks on my own. And other friends are with their husbands and partners having family days out. I was trying to think of a way round this and single parent groups seemed a possibility but id probably just piss then off?
Am I being unreasonable?
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Hankunamatata · 01/10/2022 23:35
Try lots of different child relate groups. My husband worked away and was only home 1 day a week. I fell in with some single mums and wives whose husbands worked away too usually month on/off. We had great times together with our kids and just met them through kids activities
Onmyownbutnot · 02/10/2022 05:38
That’s awful @DixonD
Mine isn’t quite as bad, we do have a day together maybe one weekend a month. But it’s just hard knowing I’m on my own all weekend with tiny children.
It doesn’t mean I want to leave, I’m hoping things will get better, but for now that’s the situation I’m in and so just trying to make the best of it.
Ameadowwalk · 02/10/2022 12:29
DixonD it might feel like being a single parent, but for the basic fact that you have the salary of your husband and presumably he has sufficient good points for you not to have divorced him. I mean, ask yourself the question - why have you not divorced this man who does nothing for you and your DC? It’s a really good question because the points you come up with make the difference between you and a single parent. If there is nothing you can come up with, then why are you still married? Hope that it will get better? How will that happen?
petpig · 02/10/2022 14:27
I've heard this before and it really pisses me off.
I sympathise in the sense that being on your own all the time is hard work but comparing yourself is unfair when you have another adult contributing financially, family holidays, birthdays, someone to help back up when kids are ill etc. Also, most single parents are dealing with an ex who is a complete nightmare and actually making our lives much harder.
petpig · 02/10/2022 14:29
Onmyownbutnot · 01/10/2022 19:00
I’m exhausted here so this may be a bit more self pitying than I mean it to but I’m on my own all weekend and for large chunks of the week as well. Husband works away a lot. Even when he’s home he’s in that headspace where he’s thinking of work if you like. Then at weekends there’s always something that needs doing.
I am a bit low after endless walks in the park to look at the ducks on my own. And other friends are with their husbands and partners having family days out. I was trying to think of a way round this and single parent groups seemed a possibility but id probably just piss then off?
How about women whose husbands are in the military and away?
Rummikub · 02/10/2022 16:43
When he is at home at. The na weekend I think you should take
yourself away and do your own thing. Join a meet up group or see what friends are doing without children in tow. Then leave him to it.
Do you work btw? I’d suggest that too if not. It seems you feel stuck in a cycle and see no way out but you do have options.
Rummikub · 02/10/2022 16:45
Onmyownbutnot · 02/10/2022 05:38
That’s awful @DixonD
Mine isn’t quite as bad, we do have a day together maybe one weekend a month. But it’s just hard knowing I’m on my own all weekend with tiny children.
It doesn’t mean I want to leave, I’m hoping things will get better, but for now that’s the situation I’m in and so just trying to make the best of it.
What does he do the other three weekends in a month if he’s not with you?
Rummikub · 02/10/2022 16:50
DixonD · 01/10/2022 23:18
What about someone whose husband works all week, then immediately after work goes to their hobby. 5 days a week. Doesn’t even come home first. Then spends all weekend - ALL weekend doing it too. Not coming home until 9pm and then going straight to bed.
The only time I see my husband for longer than 5 minutes is at work (we work together) and he sees that as “time spent together.”
He has never put our 6 year old to bed. Never done bath time. We’ve not eaten a meal together for months.
Im not a “single mum” by your definition, but it certainly feels like it and there are plenty others out there like myself.
Speedweed · 01/10/2022 19:30
I am a solo parent, and one of the most maddening things is someone with a partner who is involved, paying their way and merely busy, claiming that their situation is in any way analogous to mine. I wouldn't be impressed if I started chatting to someone at a single parent group who then revealed they weren't actually single or solo parenting.
Outside of that situation, I would be sympathetic to another mum (whether single or not) who said they were bored and lonely and wanted to make friends with other mums to do activities with the children.
It's just something about the invasion of a space that's not for you which feels a bit disingenuous. What about going to different children's groups (church and library groups are often free) and seeing if there is anyone you click with?
Get your own hobby!
Occupy space in your marriage. I m a bit shocked that this is happening to you.
My ex would work then game most of the evening/ weekend. He’s a better dad now he has to step up. They can do it, but choosing not to.
Rummikub · 02/10/2022 16:58
Could you go the recycling centre etc instead of him? Leave him with the dc.
Don’t be so available to his needs and wants.. occupy space and time for yourself. I understand though as my ex did this even when divorced- would arrange weekends away and say he wasn’t available for dc.
serenghetti2011 · 02/10/2022 17:09
Wouldn’t bother me at all, you’re on your own, you’re not saying you’re a single parent just that you’re at a loose end and want some friends. I’m not so ‘single parents’ only with my friends that I can’t be friends with anyone else, I’ve never heard of single parent groups though. Just go to plenty clubs and groups you’ll make friends via them. Meet up was good for me when I became single, met plenty fab people. Don’t be too desperate and just see how it goes.
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