To see if there’s any groups for single parents even though I’m not a single parent

[Onmyownbutnot]

I’m exhausted here so this may be a bit more self pitying than I mean it to but I’m on my own all weekend and for large chunks of the week as well. Husband works away a lot. Even when he’s home he’s in that headspace where he’s thinking of work if you like. Then at weekends there’s always something that needs doing.

I am a bit low after endless walks in the park to look at the ducks on my own. And other friends are with their husbands and partners having family days out. I was trying to think of a way round this and single parent groups seemed a possibility but id probably just piss then off?

[Rummikub]

I do understand what you’re saying. Adult company is important. Time away from
dc is important. You’re not getting much of either.

But I don’t think he will see it till you either remove yourself and leave him to it for long periods or be explicit in what you want from him.

I agree about the endless round of jobs to do. Come to an agreement that you’re both happy with.

It changes when your dc are at school. You’ll have more free time and that’s different again.

Good luck with it

[Onmyownbutnot]

He’s not here, but I think we’re talking at cross purposes a bit. I’m not asking for time out of the house on my own as such. Yes, having the children all weekend is a bit exhausting but if I need to get my hair done or something I can, that’s not a problem. But life ideally shouldn’t be an endless round of jobs to do. There should be time to spend as a family too but at the moment it isn’t happening.

@KeepOutingMyselfAnotherNameChange have you read the thread? I conceded that very early on

[KeepOutingMyselfAnotherNameChange]

Op yabu. Having a husband working all week then being on your own at weekends is nothing like being a single parent you're taking the piss.

[Rummikub]

It’s only going to change when you do something different.

Something other than gym; meet up groups?

Please look into what you can do otherwise you will feel resentful, your dc will be grown and you’ll think where did the time go.

Tbh I think he’s making excuses and taking you for granted.

is he there now? Can you go out for a walk/ a drive?

[Onmyownbutnot]

But I don’t really want to go to the gym to be honest - I’m happy to spend time with the children but it’s a bit relentless doing it all myself.

I have spoken to him about it but don’t get anywhere as he just says that well this needed doing or well I had to do that, which is probably true.

[Rummikub]

talk to him. Does he know how you feel? Really feel? Saturday morning say could you go the gym or anything and then he does his jobs in the afternoon?

What are his priorities?

You can do some of the stuff. The bits you can do.

he could not go help his friend.

it sounds like you wait for him to make time for you. Something needs to give and right now it’s you.

[Onmyownbutnot]

A lot of the things I can’t do, @Rummikub they relate to his work, or need a van driver, or involve horribly complicated DIY, or sorting the garage or helping a friend. I can’t list everything in the last three months that has swallowed weekends but as I’ve said, I’m not thrilled about it but I’m putting up with it and trying to just enjoy the time with my children. It would just be nice to have some adult company.

[Rummikub]

im sorry to say the issue is your husband taking you for granted. Always expecting you to pick up family stuff.

Do you work?

[Rummikub]

@Onmyownbutnot

It isn’t just the recycling centre though, it’s somehow lots of small(ish) tasks that amount to me never seeing him!

You do those. He looks after dc.

He is taking himself away so instead you swap. You are not powerless here. Even if it feels like it. I find that jobs expand to fit the time too.

[Onmyownbutnot]

Anything I do go to has to be parenting related, and they don’t tend to be on at weekends - this is the issue! That’s why I thought about perhaps a group for single parents could work but I did have misgivings about this anyway.

[serenghetti2011]

Wouldn’t bother me at all, you’re on your own, you’re not saying you’re a single parent just that you’re at a loose end and want some friends. I’m not so ‘single parents’ only with my friends that I can’t be friends with anyone else, I’ve never heard of single parent groups though. Just go to plenty clubs and groups you’ll make friends via them. Meet up was good for me when I became single, met plenty fab people. Don’t be too desperate and just see how it goes.

[Onmyownbutnot]

It isn’t just the recycling centre though, it’s somehow lots of small(ish) tasks that amount to me never seeing him!

[Rummikub]

Could you go the recycling centre etc instead of him? Leave him with the dc.

Don’t be so available to his needs and wants.. occupy space and time for yourself. I understand though as my ex did this even when divorced- would arrange weekends away and say he wasn’t available for dc.

[Onmyownbutnot]

It varies, @Rummikub , sorting the garden, going to the recycling centre, going to sort something at other house (we have a BTL) just always something.

[Rummikub]

I’d be ok with you joining such a group. I’ll join too (I’ve never seen one).

I think if you say you’re joining as you’re lonely rather than you feel like a single parent then that’s ok.

[Rummikub]

@DixonD

What about someone whose husband works all week, then immediately after work goes to their hobby. 5 days a week. Doesn’t even come home first. Then spends all weekend - ALL weekend doing it too. Not coming home until 9pm and then going straight to bed.

The only time I see my husband for longer than 5 minutes is at work (we work together) and he sees that as “time spent together.”

He has never put our 6 year old to bed. Never done bath time. We’ve not eaten a meal together for months.

Im not a “single mum” by your definition, but it certainly feels like it and there are plenty others out there like myself.

Get your own hobby!

Occupy space in your marriage. I m a bit shocked that this is happening to you.

My ex would work then game most of the evening/ weekend. He’s a better dad now he has to step up. They can do it, but choosing not to.

[roarfeckingroarr]

@HardLanding

Yes you would piss me off, massively so.

Why's that? Seems mean.

I would welcome you OP, it's hard always doing things with DCs on your own.

[Rummikub]

@Onmyownbutnot

That’s awful @DixonD

Mine isn’t quite as bad, we do have a day together maybe one weekend a month. But it’s just hard knowing I’m on my own all weekend with tiny children.

It doesn’t mean I want to leave, I’m hoping things will get better, but for now that’s the situation I’m in and so just trying to make the best of it.

What does he do the other three weekends in a month if he’s not with you?

[Rummikub]

When he is at home at. The na weekend I think you should take
yourself away and do your own thing. Join a meet up group or see what friends are doing without children in tow. Then leave him to it.

Do you work btw? I’d suggest that too if not. It seems you feel stuck in a cycle and see no way out but you do have options.

[georgarina]

@Onmyownbutnot are there any stay and plays or toddler groups in your area? I've met tons of single/single-ish mums there. Then you'll be able to arrange weekend events etc.

[Onmyownbutnot]

I think because that then commits me to weekends and I don’t want to if DH does return to us so to speak in the future. Anyway it’s not a big deal - was just wondering.

[Stopsnowing]

I see “days out” Facebook groups for my area. Why don’t you start one? You won’t be the only non single mum who has to look after the kids alone at the weekend

[georgarina]

Like others have said, join Meetup groups/Peanut app.

It doesn't make sense to join a single parents' group unless you're splitting with your partner. It would be like joining cancer support group when you have a different illness.

[Onmyownbutnot]

@girlfriend44 i suppose because I don’t think there would be many takers for people who have a partner but who isn’t around at weekends.

[petpig]

@Onmyownbutnot

I’m exhausted here so this may be a bit more self pitying than I mean it to but I’m on my own all weekend and for large chunks of the week as well. Husband works away a lot. Even when he’s home he’s in that headspace where he’s thinking of work if you like. Then at weekends there’s always something that needs doing.

I am a bit low after endless walks in the park to look at the ducks on my own. And other friends are with their husbands and partners having family days out. I was trying to think of a way round this and single parent groups seemed a possibility but id probably just piss then off?

How about women whose husbands are in the military and away?