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To see if there’s any groups for single parents even though I’m not a single parent

84 replies

Onmyownbutnot · 01/10/2022 19:00

I’m exhausted here so this may be a bit more self pitying than I mean it to but I’m on my own all weekend and for large chunks of the week as well. Husband works away a lot. Even when he’s home he’s in that headspace where he’s thinking of work if you like. Then at weekends there’s always something that needs doing.

I am a bit low after endless walks in the park to look at the ducks on my own. And other friends are with their husbands and partners having family days out. I was trying to think of a way round this and single parent groups seemed a possibility but id probably just piss then off?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


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Hyggeandhugs · 01/10/2022 20:12

Hey OP, what part of the country are you in?

I'm in exactly the same position as you and it's so complicated trying to know where you fit. Being around other new mums with normal home lives makes me feel like utter rubbish and so lonely. I thought about trying to make friends with some military wives/gf whose partners are often on tour, but they seem to have their own networks and again might resent someone thinking they're in any way the same, when their partners are putting their lives at risk. All I can say is I feel your pain Flowers


Onmyownbutnot · 01/10/2022 20:14

It’s really difficult, isn’t it @Hyggeandhugs ? Of course it’s really hard being a single parent but it’s tough parenting solo anyway, even if there is another parent around. Will try to send you a PM.

OP posts:

SnackSizeRaisin · 01/10/2022 20:15

Agree with pp that there are probably plenty of non single parents who are at a loose end for at least a morning or afternoon. Work, hobbies etc keep people occupied at the weekend. Maybe try and make more friends generally, and hopefully some will be free at the weekend. I know what you mean though. It feels worse because you imagine everyone else is happily doing family things. In the week it doesn't feel like that so you mind less.


Onmyownbutnot · 01/10/2022 20:20

It’s not so much that it feels worse, I don’t mind people having a nice time! It’s more that it’s just a long day to fill … it’s enjoyable to walk around a park with another adult to chat to but it’s so dull alone!

OP posts:

TheYearOfSmallThings · 01/10/2022 20:37

I think you are unlucky in your current friends (I don't know anyone who doesn't see friends on the weekend) and you are right to think about widening your social circle. Do try some of the apps people have mentioned - there must be other mums who would be keen. When I first went back from maternity leave I was full time and missed the toddler groups that I had gone to during the week. I was so happy to find one on a Saturday but then it turned out I was accidentally gatecrashing a group for LGBT parents. I think there is a market for weekend toddler groups, although I understand nobody wants to be the one running it.


SpinningFloppa · 01/10/2022 20:40

Yes this would annoy me too, I see posts on here saying they are lonely so I click on them as I can relate only to find out they have a husband but he’s just working so they feel lonely and I stop reading as a single parent as can’t really relate, I’ve been on my own for 5 years, Literally completely alone, so it would annoy me if someone joined a single parents group only to find out they wasn’t.


SpinningFloppa · 01/10/2022 20:42

you could try peanut or mush, they are for all mums not just single mums and find people who feel the same as you.


Muddledandbefuddled · 01/10/2022 20:43

There will be plenty of people in a similar position. Try the Peanut app.


TheColorIndigo · 01/10/2022 20:43

My husband used to work weekends and I remember finding those times hard. I'd meet friends during the week but I never liked to intrude on their weekend family time. Gradually though, as my kids started to socialise, I found it a lot easier as I then had some mum friends to meet with too.
It does sound like you need some more support from your husband though. Could you organise that he has them for half a day at least some weekends, so you can get some time to yourself? If he builds more of a relationship with the kids, you might naturally be able to enjoy spending more family time together.


00100001 · 01/10/2022 20:45

Just identify as a single parent and wham, you're just as much a single parent as any other single parent. No-one can say otherwise. That's would be bigoted.


Ameadowwalk · 01/10/2022 20:53

As a single parent what annoys me about people I know saying they are like a single parent when their husbands are away, is that I think - no, you are not, because he is away earning money and I have to do that, and everything else, myself.
That said, I do sympathise because for over a decade, I have had no childcare and even though my children are now into secondary, my social circle has dwindled so much I would not know where to start. So I would relate to you on the ‘it can be lonely and tough looking after children yourself’ front, without putting a label on why you are doing it. The problem is that you want to meet other mums to hang out with (and ideally, your husband to spend time with his family).


Chockmyhay · 01/10/2022 20:53

  1. you don’t sound like you’re actually in a relationship with your husband so have you considered leaving?
  2. you have a friend issue, as in you need more! I hang out with other women at the weekend, we go out to dinner and partners are sometimes involved, sometimes not.

im sorry you’re down but you can fix this

CJat10 · 01/10/2022 20:53

I was in your situation and then I became a single mother. Single motherhood was for me easier. Both hard but at least I knew where I was and had no ruined expectations.


MissMaple82 · 01/10/2022 21:01

Whst kind of groups are you thinking of?


Inkyblue123 · 01/10/2022 21:02

That sucks, You are not alone, motherhood can be lonely and tedious. Do you get any time for yourself? A couple of hours in the gym a week? A lunch date with a friend? I go to the gym twice a week - 8pm, quite late. But I find I don’t begrudge my partner quality time with the lawn mower when I’ve had some downtime.


MissMaple82 · 01/10/2022 21:03

SpinningFloppa · 01/10/2022 20:40

Yes this would annoy me too, I see posts on here saying they are lonely so I click on them as I can relate only to find out they have a husband but he’s just working so they feel lonely and I stop reading as a single parent as can’t really relate, I’ve been on my own for 5 years, Literally completely alone, so it would annoy me if someone joined a single parents group only to find out they wasn’t.

Same! Where you from?


itchychin · 01/10/2022 21:05

I hope the apps work for you. I’m a bit surprised everyone feels so strongly. I’m a single mum and don’t think I’d have felt annoyed. I empathise on the loneliness front as my friends prioritised their families at the weekend (naturally) but now our kids are older it’s a bit easier (maybe they are fed up with their husbands!).


mswales · 01/10/2022 21:05

I agree with PPs that you are a bit unlucky with your current friends and should think about widening your circle generally rather than zoning in on single parents. I co parent with my ex and when I’m on my own with the kids on the weekends I spend time with other couples and their kids, or one of a couple and their kids, or single parent friends, or childless friends, or friends from my choir. Sometimes we’re doing stuff for the kids, sometimes we’re doing stuff for adults that kids can tag along to.
I do totally get that it feels rubbish seeing happy families on days out together when you don’t have that though. Re your relationship, from personal experience I can say it can be a lot happier and less lonely separating from your partner than staying with them, if you are basically operating solo anyway. And it’s just not fair of him to leave you shouldering all the childcare at the weekends, I wouldn’t be able to contain the resentment.
Good luck x


BeautifulElephant · 01/10/2022 21:08

Why not use peanut to make mum friends then meet up with the kids.


Onmyownbutnot · 01/10/2022 21:11

I suppose because I’m assuming that weekends are no go areas for most people!

OP posts:

Thisisworsethananticpated · 01/10/2022 21:12

Op I was in a Relationship and became a LP when my kids were tweens

that said I remember the younger years and getting them out and about on my own all the time
its much easier in some ways now they are older
and I’m dealing with some (major )mental health issues

look im really sorry you feel so lonesome
it’s very tough
and being lonely afflicts us all

no easy answers either x

bit it totally wouldn’t bother me if you joined a group


Purplehonesty2 · 01/10/2022 21:30

I spent most of my marriage the same way. The weekends were so long and I was always by myself with the dc.

I told lots of my friends how I was feeling and thankfully they took pity on me and invited me to join them. I would take food and not stay too long or we would all go out for a walk etc.

We ended up divorced as I got so fed up of the situation.


Pilotlite · 01/10/2022 21:38

I was in a similar situation to you with young DC. I posted on local parents group to ask if anyone was interested in weekend meet ups - there were lots of people who also were lonely at weekends (with their kids) for all sorts of different reasons and I made some great friends. Lots of people had partners who worked shifts, worked regular weekends, had the dreaded “hobbies” or were solo parents.

I’m past that age/stage now but I’m still on local parents FB/WhatsApp groups and notice other similar posts.

id just try that. Just be factual and say you’re interested in weekend meet ups. Don’t worry about drawing attention to it - I think you’ll find no one bats an eyelid and there’ll be some lovely opportunities which open up.

good luck. I know it’s hard.


DixonD · 01/10/2022 23:18

Speedweed · 01/10/2022 19:30

I am a solo parent, and one of the most maddening things is someone with a partner who is involved, paying their way and merely busy, claiming that their situation is in any way analogous to mine. I wouldn't be impressed if I started chatting to someone at a single parent group who then revealed they weren't actually single or solo parenting.

Outside of that situation, I would be sympathetic to another mum (whether single or not) who said they were bored and lonely and wanted to make friends with other mums to do activities with the children.

It's just something about the invasion of a space that's not for you which feels a bit disingenuous. What about going to different children's groups (church and library groups are often free) and seeing if there is anyone you click with?

What about someone whose husband works all week, then immediately after work goes to their hobby. 5 days a week. Doesn’t even come home first. Then spends all weekend - ALL weekend doing it too. Not coming home until 9pm and then going straight to bed.

The only time I see my husband for longer than 5 minutes is at work (we work together) and he sees that as “time spent together.”

He has never put our 6 year old to bed. Never done bath time. We’ve not eaten a meal together for months.

Im not a “single mum” by your definition, but it certainly feels like it and there are plenty others out there like myself.


tunnocksreturns2019 · 01/10/2022 23:23

MissMaple82 · 01/10/2022 21:01

Whst kind of groups are you thinking of?

Yes this! Certainly not come across any single parent groups where I live!

I’m widowed, kids and I do our own thing or we meet up with friends.

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