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AIBU?

To be so annoyed over a bloody cup of tea?

84 replies

AllTheUsernamesLeftAreShit · 01/10/2022 14:58

DP has just made himself a cup of tea, hasn't even offered me one. We're in the same room, it's hardly an effort. I've lost count of the times I've told him him this is rude, thoughtless and I find it hurtful that he keeps doing it after I've told him that it bothers me.

So tired. So much bullshit like this, it's like death by a thousand cuts for a relationship.

OP posts:
Howeverdoyouneedme · 01/10/2022 15:02
TinaYouFatLard · 01/10/2022 15:03

That would be an act of war in our house.

PuppyMonkey · 01/10/2022 15:04

LTB

Ilikewinter · 01/10/2022 15:05

Agree 100% with you OP.

DenholmElliot1 · 01/10/2022 15:07

So tired. So much bullshit like this, it's like death by a thousand cuts for a relationship.

It sounds like the last straw to be honest. Like you've been limping along for years. It really is quite spiteful to make tea for yourself and not your partner.

Sparklesocks · 01/10/2022 15:07

It’s a small act in isolation but it could actually reveal a lot - that he doesn’t consider you/what you might want when he does something to suit himself even though you’ve raised it with him before. A one off might be a genuine accident/being momentarily distracted but if it’s a pattern its a different story. Is this a unique blind spot or is he like this in other ways?

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 01/10/2022 15:08

It's not about 'a cup of tea' though is it. It's about feeling unloved, not cared about & fed up of the rude shit.

you don't have to put up with the way he treats you...

being single is better than being treat badly

BigFatLiar · 01/10/2022 15:13

It's not about 'a cup of tea' though is it. It's about feeling unloved, not cared about & fed up of the rude shit.

Exactly. OH would always make me a cup of tea if he was going to make one. He doesn't drink but sometimes will bring me a glass of wine unasked. Often the tea is accompanied by biscuits or cake even though he's on a diet. It's just being appreciated and thought about.

It takes no or little effort to add those little touches to your relationship that make it better.

AllTheUsernamesLeftAreShit · 01/10/2022 15:14

Thanks for listening to the rant. You get exactly - it's the feeling unloved and the lack of care.

He's not awful (cliche I know). He's just so bloody set in his own world. He'll say he tries hard, but it's only ever things he wants to do. He seems to be unable to listen and take account of what I'm explaining or feeling.

OP posts:
Umbrellabee · 01/10/2022 15:26

My DH goes mental if anyone makes a ‘solo brew’ as he calls it! I would be annoyed too, it’s the lack of thought.

sunshineonmyrhubarb · 01/10/2022 15:32

I absolutely get this. My ex was the same, though more with drinks in general.

If I got myself a drink, I'd ask if he wanted one, every single time.

He NEVER would ask, even after I told him that it upset me, made me feel invisible, that it was rude etc. It even extended to us being out at a pub with friends- he would just go to the bar and buy himself a drink.

It was just a slow chipping away, to see how little I actually factored into his life. He wasn't actively mean or withholding. He just didn't ever think of me... and I didn't want to live my life like that.

Incrediblebuttrue · 01/10/2022 15:34

I understand. I always ask my dh and he doesn't even drink tea. 😜So rude not to ask though.

Incrediblebuttrue · 01/10/2022 15:35

He just didn't ever think of me...
That is so sad.

Ellie56 · 01/10/2022 15:35

It's just automatic to put two cups out when you go to make tea...isn't it?

Penguinsaregreat · 01/10/2022 15:37

It is rude and thoughtless.

OneDayIWillDivorceHim · 01/10/2022 15:37

My husband refuses to make me a cup of tea. He doesn't drink it (only drinks coffee) and hates tea. So he refuses to make me one as he says "he doesn't understand tea". Refuses to make my family one too so I have to awkwardly always be the one making tea which I'm sure is noticed.

sunshineonmyrhubarb · 01/10/2022 15:40

@Incrediblebuttrue , I think you can see why he's an ex.

@AllTheUsernamesLeftAreShit is your partner on the spectrum? My ex was, though not formally diagnosed, and I think that was the reason behind lots of those types of behaviours.

MarigoldMoonStone · 01/10/2022 15:42

@OneDayIWillDivorceHim he could at least put them brewing, can’t go wrong doing that!

Workyticket · 01/10/2022 15:44

Who's making dinner tonight? If it's you please only make your own... even better get a takeaway for 1!

Bottomofthepileasusual · 01/10/2022 15:46

So I would only make my own food, only do my own washing etc etc
This is shockingly rude

fluffinsalad · 01/10/2022 15:47

Oh im on the fence with this.

My ex was a lazy mofo and would sit for HOURS waiting for me to get up and say -

'If your going in the kitchen can you get me drink'
"If your going in the kitchen can you make me a sandwich"
'if your going up stairs can you grab my phone'
'If your going outside can you get my briefcase out of the car'

And so on. So he was literally being waited on.

And it got to the point where I REALLY resented making him a brew ect and would often not make myself one because I didnt want to make him one.

Yeah petty shit and we split ...( surprise surprise)

custardbear · 01/10/2022 15:51

My DH did
This, to be fair it was a
Habit as we were never in together when drinking tea lol. But one day I said 'do you actually love me?' ...'of course' he said. So why not even ask me if I want a cup too ... he hasn't left me out since!

SerenaTee · 01/10/2022 15:52

I’d treat him how he treated me. I’m guessing he’d soon have no clean clothes, no food to eat for dinner etc etc.

slo · 01/10/2022 15:56

:(

Making others a brew is such a simple civility. He would do it for the most distant colleague. I'm not surprised you feel rejected. I would too!

Pirrin · 01/10/2022 15:59

Wouldn't matter at all in my house as we make entirely different sorts of drinks. We have a very loving relationship. Growing up my parents depised each other, it was an utterly miserable place to live and quite abusive. Always made tea for each other though, the cup would be placed down in front on the other person in seething silence!

How you feel matters a lot, especially if he's not taking your feelings on board. But I'd look at the relationship as a whole - don't make tea your hill to die on if everrythjgn else is decent!

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