To be so annoyed over a bloody cup of tea?

[AllTheUsernamesLeftAreShit]

DP has just made himself a cup of tea, hasn't even offered me one. We're in the same room, it's hardly an effort. I've lost count of the times I've told him him this is rude, thoughtless and I find it hurtful that he keeps doing it after I've told him that it bothers me.

So tired. So much bullshit like this, it's like death by a thousand cuts for a relationship.

What is his response when you yell "OY! why didn't you make me one?".
I suggest you memorise his reply and repeat it back every single time you prepare a meal or drink ( for yourself) over the next few days.
If he hasn't learnt by then..he never will - move on.

I swear some of these men are absolute nobs 😂 we should do a competition for the biggest nob story although it would be a bit in poor taste. Still I'm sure we wouldn't be short on entries!

Make yourself dinner and don’t bother doing any for him, he’ll soon get the message.

It would annoy me but once I heard the kettle going on I’d shout for a brew rather than say nothing. Nip it in the bud if he’s in the kitchen (and you know) instead of stewing like his cuppa. But if a cup of tea is the thin end of the wedge then address each issue as it arises because tit for tat I’ll just make my own dinner because you didn’t make me a hot drink is just petty.

I don't make DH hot drinks because he always moans I do it wrong

What's his response if you ask him to make you one?

Its not a big deal for you but apparently it is for your DH if you've noticed he gets the hump. In the Ops scenario your husband is her and you are the OPs DH. Its not a nice feeling, try and think of your DH more and offer him a drink.

My 10 year old son offers me tea or coffee.
If a child can manage to not be self centred and thoughtless then a full grown man should find it easy to be nice. I'm afraid I would be very upset by this behaviour as it's just a sign of what you mean to him.

it's like death by a thousand cuts for a relationship.

my marriage was like this.... l could have kissed the OW when he left me for her

Yeah that's really shitty, op. Wouldn't dream of making a hot drink without offering DH and he's the same.

"My DH goes mental if anyone makes a ‘solo brew’ as he calls it! "

It's called "selfish tea" where I'm from. Earns the maker a slagging in this house . In my workplace you would get torn apart for it. I'm quite forgetful and selfish by nature so do occasionally accidentally make selfish tea but I apologise and go and scrub the toilets or something as penance.

My ex did this all the time. He made himself and hus dad tea and sandwiches. But not me. Despite the fact that I was 2 weeks post c section and attempting to breastfeed our baby.

My ex was a nasty abusive twat, staggeringly selfish in many ways, but even he would bring me a mug of tea in bed on my day off.

You've every right to be fed up. Hot drinks might seem an odd hill to die on but like you say, it's the last straw. My own hill/last straw was a bunch of fresh asparagus. I love asparagus but it was left on the side with clear expectations that I would be the one who cooked it while he sat there on his phone. Nope.

@sunshineonmyrhubarb , my ex used to do the same when we had visitors. He'd get himself a beer/some breakfast/whatever without asking if he could get anyone else anything. Made me want to sink into the floor. I should have taken more note, too, on our honeymoon when we were staying at a hotel where they had complimentary wine in the evening. 'D'h helped himself to the last of it in front of me and then walked off without a care in the world. Took me 20 years to leave but so worth it.

YANBU. It's rude, inconsiderate and selfish of him.

I get it but I didn’t grow up in the UK; it is and English thing.

It doesn’t matter in our house. Most times we cook for everyone but when we don’t everyone make their own snacks, food as we want different things; we are a multicultural family

@OneDayIWillDivorceHim

My husband refuses to make me a cup of tea. He doesn't drink it (only drinks coffee) and hates tea. So he refuses to make me one as he says "he doesn't understand tea". Refuses to make my family one too so I have to awkwardly always be the one making tea which I'm sure is noticed.

Strategic incompetance on his part. He could learn how to make tea quite easily - it's the first badge most brownies do at age 6 ffs - but it suits him as an excuse.

I hate tea and always feel like I don’t have a clue when I have to make it. DH doesn’t really do hot drinks and I drink numerous coffees but am really picky about how it’s made so never expect him to make it for me.

YANBU OP It’s often the accumulation of those small acts of unkindness that eventually break a relationship. I hope you can move forward in whatever way is best for you. My DH doesn’t drink tea, has never drunk tea and before I met him had never even made a cup of tea! He now makes virtually all the hot drinks in our house. With all that practice he makes the perfect (for me anyway) cuppa. I often tell him what a delicious cup of tea it is! My late DM loved his tea making skills she used to say no one could make tea quite like him, yes a bit over the top but it showed appreciation and kindness. We all need that.

I drink a lot of cups of tea each day. My partner doesn't. But if I get up to make a cuppa I always ask her if she wants anything (coffee, hot water, cold drink, wine). And she will always ask me if I want anything. It's pretty basic stuff - caring about your partner.

What a bastard. Make him a dink and put salt in it

I was just about to post this myself!

It’s literally the kind of thing you’d do for a near stranger so to not do it for someone you love is a kick in the teeth.

You ask your husband but you know he does not drink tea? That would drive me insane. DH & I never ask each other. We do our own thing. Can't see the issue.

Even when DH and I have had a filthy row and are still seething with each other, we would never, not ever, in our 30 year relationship make a cup of tea without making one for the other. Even if it was then plonked down gracelessly, the recipient has to mutter ‘thank you’ and so starts the route back to talking and compromise. These small civilities really really matter over the long haul.

I agree that this is very much a British thing. I'm not British and after 20 years am still learning that this is a general expectation. I'll sometimes make tea for DH or for colleagues at work, but if others made me a hot drink every time they have one I'd end up with unfinished cups everywhere. I'm from a culture with more of a help yourself attitude.