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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is being unreasonable here?

115 replies

bossorworker1 · 01/10/2022 07:39

I am A or B- I don't want to say which do it doesn't skew answers. I've not included salaries as a stealth boast - just for context in terms of level of post.

A - senior manager in a business support function line managed by B. Started £75k role in late January- job is approx 1.5 hour commute each way from A's home. Notice in first year is 1 month, after that it's 3 months. Enjoying the job, excellent feedback and has consistently fed back how committed they are to role/organisation. Resigned on Friday for a new role closer to home - about 25 minutes- on a little bit more money. Has given 1 month notice including a week of which they are in a precooked holiday. A says they didn't aim to mislead - but the job came up and they went for it. Feels that B has taken the resignation personally.

B - A's line manager - senior senior manager. Really pleased with A's work. Received resignation on Friday. Upset, disappointed and a bit pissed off that A has been lying about commitment to role as would have taken another candidate on if it had been known they would leave so soon after joining. Has offered A payrise and flexible working to stay but A still wants to go. Has fed back to A that the move is career limiting due to changing sectors and that they do feel personally let down.

Who is unreasonable here?

OP posts:
rookiemere · 01/10/2022 07:43

Nobody is being unreasonable here, it's business.

A naturally has gone for a better role - it's a bit soon but it's an employee's market. B is upset as they have to rehire and retrain.

Rainbowqueeen · 01/10/2022 07:44

B.

Too little too late. Should have asked if A wanted flexible working a while ago once they knew how long As commute was

PeppaPigIsBacon · 01/10/2022 07:44

B is unreasonable - and how come they’ve been having so many conversations about being committed to the role / organisation anyway?

It’s business, not personal, and of course A needs to do what is best for them. B’s unsolicited comments on career progression are out of order as well.

MichelleScarn · 01/10/2022 07:45

So B expects A to have greater loyalty to job than themselves?

Dragonskin · 01/10/2022 07:47

B is unreasonable, A choosing to leave is not a personal slight

Teadrinkingmumofone · 01/10/2022 07:47

B has a right to be disappointed but it's just work at the end of the day. A can go if they want to.

SirChenjins · 01/10/2022 07:48

B - A does not have any legal or moral responsibility to stay in a job they no longer want. They were committed to the role while they were there, now they are moving on as they are entitled to do, and B will have to recruit again. It’s the way of the world.

Why did B not offer flexible working from the outset? It’s pretty standard.

ZekeZeke · 01/10/2022 07:49

Neither are unreasonable.
However, B should have realised a 1.5 hour commute each way has alarm bells all over.

SirChenjins · 01/10/2022 07:49

I’m guessing you’re A?!

Testina · 01/10/2022 07:50

Neither, they’re just opinions.
It’s tiresome that you - whether you’re A or B - think posters are incapable of answering without this “won’t say who I am” nonsense. It’s as bad as a reverse 🙄

lalaloopyhead · 01/10/2022 07:50

B really. A is free to do anything they want.

I can understand the initial reaction from B but they shouldn't take it personally its just business.

Thegreenballoon · 01/10/2022 07:51

B can feel disappointed (and if you’ve only been in the job 9 months I can see why) but should be professional enough to keep it to themselves - “personally let down” is over the top.

Ewarty · 01/10/2022 07:51

Neither are being unreasonable and the feelings are entirely understandable on both sides - it's just one of those things.

properdoughnut · 01/10/2022 07:52

No one really but B needs to not take it so personally. People are moving jobs every day. Also A shouldn't give any thought to what B says about it being career limiting. It's none of A's business.

properdoughnut · 01/10/2022 07:53

properdoughnut · 01/10/2022 07:52

No one really but B needs to not take it so personally. People are moving jobs every day. Also A shouldn't give any thought to what B says about it being career limiting. It's none of A's business.

No wait B's business

YellowTreeHouse · 01/10/2022 07:54

B is unreasonable. This isn’t personal, it’s business. A didn’t lie, their circumstances changed.

SeasonFinale · 01/10/2022 07:55

B is.

Devilishpyjamas · 01/10/2022 07:55

B. Clearly. No-one owns an employee. It’s irritating when someone moves shortly after joining, but not personal (& if it is, so what?)

Midnights · 01/10/2022 07:56

B is unreasonable - has unreasonable expectations of A! A was committed to the job, whilst they were doing it - however they're allowed to move on for new opportunities. A has given the required notice and done nothing wrong.

B needs to realise that loyalty should be to yourself before a company (and feeling personally let down is ott) - the company wouldn't be feeling any loyalty towards A if they needed to make cuts / restructure etc. A is replaceable.

properdoughnut · 01/10/2022 07:56

Devilishpyjamas · 01/10/2022 07:55

B. Clearly. No-one owns an employee. It’s irritating when someone moves shortly after joining, but not personal (& if it is, so what?)

I agree and It's also not uncommon surely? The first few months are the probabtion period for a reason.

pimlicoanna · 01/10/2022 07:57

No one's unreasonable

Hearthnhome · 01/10/2022 07:57

No one is unreasonable. A is doing what’s best for them

B feels they invested time and energy into A because A gave the impression they wouldn’t be looking elsewhere.

No one lied. It just worked out differently. I don’t see the issue with a manger expressing their disappointment.

LadyWithLapdog · 01/10/2022 08:00

B - it’s business. They can learn from it next time they recruit.

LadyWithLapdog · 01/10/2022 08:01

Oh, and congratulations if you’re A. It sounds like you’ve got a good job on more money and closer to home.

Wiaa · 01/10/2022 08:02

B