Who is being unreasonable here?

[bossorworker1]

I am A or B- I don't want to say which do it doesn't skew answers. I've not included salaries as a stealth boast - just for context in terms of level of post.

A - senior manager in a business support function line managed by B. Started £75k role in late January- job is approx 1.5 hour commute each way from A's home. Notice in first year is 1 month, after that it's 3 months. Enjoying the job, excellent feedback and has consistently fed back how committed they are to role/organisation. Resigned on Friday for a new role closer to home - about 25 minutes- on a little bit more money. Has given 1 month notice including a week of which they are in a precooked holiday. A says they didn't aim to mislead - but the job came up and they went for it. Feels that B has taken the resignation personally.

B - A's line manager - senior senior manager. Really pleased with A's work. Received resignation on Friday. Upset, disappointed and a bit pissed off that A has been lying about commitment to role as would have taken another candidate on if it had been known they would leave so soon after joining. Has offered A payrise and flexible working to stay but A still wants to go. Has fed back to A that the move is career limiting due to changing sectors and that they do feel personally let down.

Who is unreasonable here?

It was blindingly obvious you were A

Its a no brainer.

Also from the point of view of emergencies with your children.

Congratulations and good luck.

You're loyal to a job so long as you work there not to the death! Employees are always entitled to look for better opportunities, further their career or better their work life balance. Its not unreasonable for B to encourage A to stay since they're happy with their work and A is not unreasonable to leave given it sounds like a great opportunity for them . I don't think anyone is being overly unreasonable in this scenario.

B. They also need to grow up a bit. It’s nothing personal after all, it’s just work

A did what we’d all do. B could’ve countered with a higher wage offer but A would still be totally reasonable to go.

It was pretty obvious you were A! Obviously not unreasonable to take a new job that suits you better but also not unreasonable for B to feel disappointment at having to recruit another person to the role so soon again.

No, it's when you think someone else's actions or words are about you. What B is doing is thinking selfishly.

Neither is unreasonable.

A is sensible to take the new job; B is justified in being pissed off, for reasons given.

And I don’t think there’s a problem with that.

A is thinking selfishly
so is B.

But I do think A might have been clearer about priorities around the commute etc.

While B is being unreasonable, A needs not to give a shit but say something like 'It's a shame that you can't understand why I have taken this role, and I hope it's not a reflection of what I thought was an excellent working relationship. Of course, if there was anything that you could have done to make me stay, then I would have come to you first, but this role meets needs for me that this company cannot. I am determined to part in good terms on my part, and will do what I can to make the handover process as smooth as possible'

Then don't look back!

Just read your update. Tbh I'd be a bit miffed if I was B and I wasn't given the opportunity to offer you flexi working. Especially now that you've said that you would have taken it. Hope it doesn't bite you on the bum.

This.

If the OP has worded hard and done a fair days work for her pay, she owes her boss/ company nothing more than that.

She is only in the place 5 minutes.

B needs to figure out why she can't retain staff and try harder.

That is on B.

I’m wondering if B is why there have been quite such a high turnover in A’s role.

Not really,

1- left because didn't want to return to work on site (that's fair enough and our business is mostly on site so wfh is limited). Had been in post around 2 years.

2- left on capability grounds after 6 months

3- interim for 6 months covering before I joined.