To update you on the wedding invite deleted thread?

[Vanillaoatcake]

Asked MN to delete the original thread as there was some identifying info on there but I promised to update, so I am.

I woke up the morning of the wedding to a message from the bride with details of where and when to be. At this point my childcare had already asked me to confirm if she was needed and id told her I wouldn't need her so I had no childcare. I'd also told my +1 that we hadn't received the details so to cancel their annual leave. I didn't respond to the message as I didn't want to upset the bride the morning of her wedding.

We saw each other this morning - I had to wait outside school after drop-off to follow the school bus on a trip I was chaperoning, and she drove past on the way back from preschool run for her youngest, so luckily it was after other parents had left the school gates. We were both a bit angry to be honest - her for me not being there or letting her know, and me for being treated like an after thought. Then she told me that she knew how much I'd been struggling with my depression and when I wasn't there she genuinely thought I'd "done something stupid" because I'd told her about some intrusive thoughts i had over the summer, at this point she was crying which made me cry and give her the biggest hug.

We both said what we needed to say and then both acknowledged we had handled it badly; her that she should have told me sooner or checked that I had the info, and me that I should have told her I couldn't make it. More crying. I told her how I felt about my DS not being invited, and she promised it was nothing to do with his needs and just down to them having to draw the line somewhere and that line being with family members children only.

Both said how much we love and care about each other.

I told her that if she can trust that the only reason I didn't get in touch was because I was avoiding drama on her wedding day when I wanted her to have a nice day, and I can trust that she genuinely thought I had the info I needed and by the time it clicked that I didn't it was too late, then we can both put it down to a really shitty miscommunication that is upsetting but doesn't have to spell the end of a friendship.

I had to leave to do the school trip but we have spoken a bit more this afternoon. It has been emotional, but neither of us want to fall out over it.

:)

Op you’re being a fool.

No honeymoon then?

"Then she told me that she knew how much I'd been struggling with my depression and when I wasn't there she genuinely thought I'd "done something stupid" because I'd told her about some intrusive thoughts i had over the summer".

And you then hugged her?

If she thought you'd done something stupid she should have been there for you!

I think she is a master manipulator and I'm a bit surprised that you are falling for it again. If this was a romantic relationship it would be clear how abusive it is.

She invited you to her wedding, you asked multiple times explicitly for the details, your organised childcare, a plus one, a gift and an outfit. She never gave an invite or sent the details.

She tells you the venue hours before the actual event when everyone else had that info months ago.

Then and this is actual the worse bit imo, she uses sensitive information that you shared whilst vulnerable and accuses you of making her worry about your wellbeing on the day of her wedding???? This is actual batsh#t crazy and almost unbelievable. Why didn't she have a concern about it when she ignored your messages requesting the details???

You must cut ties with this person. Dump her, dump her, dump her. And I say this with kindness, Reflect on why you tolerare such shi$ty behavior in your friendships. I would suggest that maybe she enjoys hurting you emotionally knowing how vulnerable you are. You deserve better.

Yes, really sorry OP, but you're coming across as a massive doormat here. Or just seriously gullible. On your last thread you were absolutely insistent that she 10000% knew you didn't have the details of where/when and you said repeatedly there was no point contacting her again as you'd made it very clear om multiple occasions that you didn't have the info and you were certain that she clearly just didn't want to tell you.

Thanks for coming back to update, and obviously you're happy to continue as you are. And that's really all that matters. But yes, the "friendship" is heavily lopsided and you're being taken the piss out of massively. Massively. There isn't any excuse in the world for failing to give you the details until the actual morning of her wedding and ignoring all your requests. And then to try and pin it on your mental health, that's a really shit move and not the sign of a nice person - regardless of how much she accepted more of the blame later. She wasn't in the right head space to tell you? But then magically was in the right head space to be able to cope with the wedding and all that entails? Sorry, but that's utter, utter bollocks.

People show you who they are by what they do. And at one of the most important days of her life, she's shown you who she is. You're not a MOH, not even a bridesmaid - unlike her role at your wedding - and what's more, she doesn't even bother to tell you where it is until the morning of the event. It sounds as if she's got zero respect for you and knows that she can click her fingers and you'll jump. That's not a true friendship.

Sorry OP, I'm just upset at your behalf. I hate to see people treated badly, especially when they're too nice to see it themselves.

She’s been a bitch and you know it. Telling you on the morning of the wedding then banging on about your mental health is utterly shit behaviour. You are not her puppet to manipulate last minute.

Honestly I think you're being far too nice and a bit of a pushover OP. I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who thinks it. To use your mental health struggles the way she did is disgusting to be honest. She didn't genuinely think you'd done something stupid because if she did she would have called the police or your family! Tried to locate you. Tried to help you. She's used your struggles as an excuse to be a total cunt to you, blame you and get away with it. I couldn't continue this friendship.

How can you trust that she genuinely thought you had the info? You posted multiple times that she 100% knew that you didn't and when people suggested that maybe she had forgotten, you gave a list of reasons why that simply could not have been the case.

So, if this thread is completely true, then it sounds all very strange and nothing like a decent friendship. Why did your friend not tell you the reason why your child wasn't invited? Or why didn't you query it?

This. I would distance yourself from her. She is anything but a friend.

Oh! I'm so, so happy you've both worked it out! Keep talking, you're clearly dear friends who love each other.

I read your other thread and was 😱 but this is a happy ending!

Im not trying to prolong drama, OP shouldn't 'go after' this friend or create any drama but she should be aware this person is NOT a friend and protect herself.

If OP really has had mental health issues then the last thing people should do is conrgatulate her on returning to someone clearly manipulative who is a giant walking red flag.

Theres a mid ground between the drama of fighting at the school gates and the self protection of not being a doormat.

She was only worried you'd "done something stupid" because she knew inviting you on the morning was a shit thing to do. But you've made her feel better about it so she's fine now with what she did. No harm done.

The more I think about it the 'Awkward' meme she texted you when you were asking her for the venue and time details to you seems telling.

If you are happy with the crumbs then so be it.

Absolutely.

Hard to imagine someone would have such low self esteem and respect to accept such behaviour.

The friend sent an awkward meme when OP asked for the details 😮 that’s so rude! How much more proof do you need that she didn’t want you there. Her actions are saying she doesn’t respect you and she certainly doesn’t see you as a friend. She’s taking the p out of you, to your face, and you’re letting her.
OP there’s absolutely no excuse for how she has treated you or plausible reason for her behaviour. Please have some self respect and walk away from this toxic relationship. She’s not your friend like you think she is. We can’t all be wrong!

Sorry but this is bollocks. People told you to send one last, VERY CLEAR message to say you DON'T have details and if she wants you to be there she needs to send them today because you have childcare and mother to organise.
You didn't
So now she can say she assumed you had them.
Load of bull. Not sure how you can put up with it.

I don’t get how she dared to be angry she gave you the details on the morning of the wedding ffs it was very late when you asked numerous times.
saying that what you said and did was right you didn’t want to reply or chase her up on the Eve of her wedding . I’m glad you sorted it out anyway so good outcome and hopefully lesson learned .

@JMJ89 it was the Homer Simpson "awkward" gif

"Taken from a 1994 episode of The Simpsons, it’s generally used as a reaction to express embarrassment or the desire to disappear from an awkward social interaction, a longing for an exit so seamless that it’s like you were never there."

Pretty obvious what OP's friend was conveying when asked for the umpteenth time about the wedding invitation and venue details.

This

You don't give someone the invitation to your wedding on the actual morning of your wedding unless you really don't want them to be there, you do it to placate the situation so the person "feels invited" when they actually haven't been.

Sorry OP your mate's a bitch.