Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To update you on the wedding invite deleted thread?

121 replies

Vanillaoatcake · 29/09/2022 19:59

Asked MN to delete the original thread as there was some identifying info on there but I promised to update, so I am.

I woke up the morning of the wedding to a message from the bride with details of where and when to be. At this point my childcare had already asked me to confirm if she was needed and id told her I wouldn't need her so I had no childcare. I'd also told my +1 that we hadn't received the details so to cancel their annual leave. I didn't respond to the message as I didn't want to upset the bride the morning of her wedding.

We saw each other this morning - I had to wait outside school after drop-off to follow the school bus on a trip I was chaperoning, and she drove past on the way back from preschool run for her youngest, so luckily it was after other parents had left the school gates. We were both a bit angry to be honest - her for me not being there or letting her know, and me for being treated like an after thought. Then she told me that she knew how much I'd been struggling with my depression and when I wasn't there she genuinely thought I'd "done something stupid" because I'd told her about some intrusive thoughts i had over the summer, at this point she was crying which made me cry and give her the biggest hug.

We both said what we needed to say and then both acknowledged we had handled it badly; her that she should have told me sooner or checked that I had the info, and me that I should have told her I couldn't make it. More crying. I told her how I felt about my DS not being invited, and she promised it was nothing to do with his needs and just down to them having to draw the line somewhere and that line being with family members children only.

Both said how much we love and care about each other.

I told her that if she can trust that the only reason I didn't get in touch was because I was avoiding drama on her wedding day when I wanted her to have a nice day, and I can trust that she genuinely thought I had the info I needed and by the time it clicked that I didn't it was too late, then we can both put it down to a really shitty miscommunication that is upsetting but doesn't have to spell the end of a friendship.

I had to leave to do the school trip but we have spoken a bit more this afternoon. It has been emotional, but neither of us want to fall out over it.

:)

OP posts:
Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 29/09/2022 21:37

For the sake of random encounters I would not create any more more drama. But I would consign her to the friend I no longer give a fuck about and only partake in social niceties through brief encounters.

dishwasherfrenzy · 29/09/2022 21:39

Thanks for the update.
I was wondering what had happened.

I am curious to know though if there was anyone else she didn't give the details to until the morning of the wedding?
That's the shortest notice I've ever heard of.

tillytown · 29/09/2022 21:40

It's great that you're happy with the outcome OP, but please, if she ever uses your mental health against you again just cut her out of your life

drpet49 · 29/09/2022 21:41

TimeForTeaAndG · 29/09/2022 20:02

As glad as I am that you've sorted it out, I still think she's a bit of an arse. Leaving it til the morning of the wedding and then acting like it was something from your side that meant you hadn't turned up is crap. Using your mental health issues as well is shitty behaviour. She knew full well you didnt know.

I'd massively cool the friendship if I was you.

This. She’s played you for a fool OP and you’ve fallen for it. Carry on being a mug then.

LuckyLil · 29/09/2022 21:43

Ah well, I guess we'll see you around again sometime soon when the lifelong friend who has never done anything to hurt you before does something to hurt you again....

Pixiedust1234 · 29/09/2022 21:43

So she didn't send place and time until the wedding day but its your fault for not turning up? How many brides on their wedding day getting ready suddenly think oops, I forgot to send an invite? No, they are too busy being excited over hair, makeup, flowers etc.

Wow OP, you are so desperate to hang on to the past you can't see how badly she's behaved towards you Sad

billy1966 · 29/09/2022 21:44

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 29/09/2022 21:37

For the sake of random encounters I would not create any more more drama. But I would consign her to the friend I no longer give a fuck about and only partake in social niceties through brief encounters.

Absolutely this.

What a crock of shit.

She deliberately with held details despite being asked multiple times.

She thinks you are some muf OP.

What a really horrible person.

I wouldn't believe a word of it.

Not credible.

Good luck.

Lifeisforalimitedperiodonly · 29/09/2022 21:51

I guess I am glad you are happy.

But I don't believe her. I guess if you knew someone who attended, they could confirm that there were two empty seats. You won't do it, but there won't have been any empty seats.

She is not a nice person and you are too nice for her.

IsAinmDummm · 29/09/2022 21:54

I'm glad you sorted it out with your friend op, but I do think it was very bad form of her to send you an invite the morning of the wedding. You've every right to be very hurt.

Kissingfrogs25 · 29/09/2022 21:57

I would reflect on why it’s so hard to read the posts on here, and why she used your mental health against you in the way that she has. Why would you imagine she is suicidal on her wedding day?.
She is a viper dressed up as an old friend, she is certainly anything but a real friend to you.

OldFan · 29/09/2022 21:59

@Vanillaoatcake I didn't read the entirety of the previous thread. I hope you're right. If anything happens between you in future that you want to talk about, then feel free to update. x

Kissingfrogs25 · 29/09/2022 21:59

**Why would she imagine you were suicidal
apologies

WorriedAboutDCM · 29/09/2022 22:03

That’s a very positive outcome, you both handled it well in the end

Darbs76 · 29/09/2022 22:05

Thanks for updating. I was so confident she did want you to be there, and sounds like she did. Shame you didn’t go, but understand your reasoning. Hope your friendship will survive

Kennykenkencat · 29/09/2022 22:07

Someone pulled out on the morning of the wedding

guerrillagirl · 29/09/2022 22:09

I can’t believe this - so she actually made you feel bad for not going?!! Ridiculous 🤦‍♀️

RealBecca · 29/09/2022 22:10

Played you and gaslit you too.

You say you should have told her sooner you couldn't make it. ..but you could.

She says she thought you might have done something to hurt yourself...but she didnt call you to ask, she texted you details of the location. Why would she do that, esp if she thought you had the details?

Darbs76 · 29/09/2022 22:12

The OP had the date of the wedding, so it’s not like childcare couldn’t be arranged. It was just the exact name of hotel and times she didn’t know. So she wasn’t invited the day of the wedding, food choices had been provided some weeks / days prior and the wedding discussed between the friends just a few days prior

JMJ89 · 29/09/2022 22:13

I didn’t see the original thread so I’m very confused. I’m guessing there is more to this story because who in their right mind sends a wedding invite on the day of their wedding. Unless someone drops out and there’s suddenly a space for a plus 1 for example.
I can’t understand why the OP thinks the bride wanted her there... when she invited her on the day of the wedding?! On what planet does that make sense. Very odd and actually sad that a seemingly nicer, genuine person has been treated like this.

guerrillagirl · 29/09/2022 22:18

Darbs76 · 29/09/2022 22:12

The OP had the date of the wedding, so it’s not like childcare couldn’t be arranged. It was just the exact name of hotel and times she didn’t know. So she wasn’t invited the day of the wedding, food choices had been provided some weeks / days prior and the wedding discussed between the friends just a few days prior

Yes but they are fundamental if you need to make plans to be somewhere!

MillyWithaY · 29/09/2022 22:20

LuckyLil · 29/09/2022 20:37

Not the outcome I expected to be honest. The idea that she couldn't tell you anything until the morning of the wedding is pretty lame in any context really.

Well quite. Absolutely bloody ridiculous really.

Ottersmith · 29/09/2022 22:22

I can't believe how absolutely terrible you both are at communicating. It's painful. Worse than on Normal People.

tictoc76 · 29/09/2022 22:27

Well I’m glad there was a good ending. Sometimes we don’t put enough effort into friendships and clearly mistakes were made but as you say we on mumsnet won’t have all the background that you have.

toastedcat · 29/09/2022 22:28

Thank you so much for updating, I have to say I was quite invested in this saga 😅

Iloveacurry · 29/09/2022 22:37

Thanks for the update. But it’s just very strange she didn’t tell you details of the wedding until the morning of the wedding! Did she do this with all the guests?!

I think she didn’t want you there. You need to rethink your friendship.

Swipe left for the next trending thread