To update you on the wedding invite deleted thread?

[Vanillaoatcake]

Asked MN to delete the original thread as there was some identifying info on there but I promised to update, so I am.

I woke up the morning of the wedding to a message from the bride with details of where and when to be. At this point my childcare had already asked me to confirm if she was needed and id told her I wouldn't need her so I had no childcare. I'd also told my +1 that we hadn't received the details so to cancel their annual leave. I didn't respond to the message as I didn't want to upset the bride the morning of her wedding.

We saw each other this morning - I had to wait outside school after drop-off to follow the school bus on a trip I was chaperoning, and she drove past on the way back from preschool run for her youngest, so luckily it was after other parents had left the school gates. We were both a bit angry to be honest - her for me not being there or letting her know, and me for being treated like an after thought. Then she told me that she knew how much I'd been struggling with my depression and when I wasn't there she genuinely thought I'd "done something stupid" because I'd told her about some intrusive thoughts i had over the summer, at this point she was crying which made me cry and give her the biggest hug.

We both said what we needed to say and then both acknowledged we had handled it badly; her that she should have told me sooner or checked that I had the info, and me that I should have told her I couldn't make it. More crying. I told her how I felt about my DS not being invited, and she promised it was nothing to do with his needs and just down to them having to draw the line somewhere and that line being with family members children only.

Both said how much we love and care about each other.

I told her that if she can trust that the only reason I didn't get in touch was because I was avoiding drama on her wedding day when I wanted her to have a nice day, and I can trust that she genuinely thought I had the info I needed and by the time it clicked that I didn't it was too late, then we can both put it down to a really shitty miscommunication that is upsetting but doesn't have to spell the end of a friendship.

I had to leave to do the school trip but we have spoken a bit more this afternoon. It has been emotional, but neither of us want to fall out over it.

:)

Wow! You have more patience for people's shit than I do. She sounds like a master manipulator.

Vanillaoatcake Thank you for giving us this update.

It’s great that you and your friend have resolved the issues and cleared the air surrounding the (lack of) formal invitation and good too that the opportunity arose so quickly, as I think the wedding was only on Tuesday, if I recall correctly.

One thing that impressed me which shone through your posts on the original thread was that no matter how bewildered and hurt you felt, you were adamant that you didn’t want to risk doing anything that would spoil or cast a shadow on your friend’s wedding day.

I am so glad for you that you stuck by your guns and put her feelings first instead of reacting as other posters suggested. Your feelings were valid but you acted selflessly, so I’d like to say well done!

You could have just called her - as I posted along with 20+ others

Op she supplied the details at the very very last minute therefore ensuring you couldn’t be there - or claim you didn’t have the details.

Well played Bridezilla! A few tears and hugs - job done 👏🏻

I would not be falling for that one. What kind of friend does not have 1 minute out of her day to text you the time and place. Agree that you are being taken for a fool and more fool you if you let her.

Oh @Vanillaoatcake i feel really sorry for you. I don’t think you REALLY believe her but you don’t want to lose the relationship. Shame she doesn’t feel the same way. I hope you find out why one day, for closure, you seem nice.

Oh god, sorry OP but yes, I have to agree with others that she's spun you a right story there and you've fallen for it.

Sending you the details on the morning of the wedding was not an accident, it showed her intentions fully. Sadly I'd say this friendship is over but your friend is too weak to say it and just does shitty things instead.

I think she's bad mouthed you to her friends and/ or family after one of your fallings out in the past.
Bride does not have the guts to invite you to the wedding as it would cause awkwardness.

Thank you for updating us! I sadly agree with some of the others who have said it was not okay.

Yes she accepted responsibility etc etc but wedding is a once in a life time (well you know what I mean) thing and your involvement should have been way more than it was. Inviting on the morning is just awful. Also who has time to be doing that on their wedding day anyway you deserved more and I have been in a similar situation hence why I just wanted to post.

Well played Bridezilla! A few tears and hugs - job done 👏🏻

Properly well played. I'm impressed. All done and dusted now, feels secure the OP has been sorted and off they go.

You seem nice OP but I'd watch that one.

It was VERY well planned. Executed beautifully and you fell for it. I would so love to know the real back story.

Op, this woman is not, and will never be a real friend to you - and she certainly isn’t worthy of a the title Godmother to your darling son.

You'll look back on this a few days/weeks later and realise how unreasonable she was and still is.
She simply should have given you the location etc ages ago. It's really spiteful to turn it back on you and say she was worried you'd done something stupid because of something you'd said ages ago, when you'd seen her and been messaging since then.
If it was me, I'd be civil but that's as far as it goes.

I appreciate all the concern - but I'm posting this as an update as a few people asked me to and I said I would. Youre all more than welcome to your opinions and to voice them here :) but I'm not looking for advice on this one, jts just an update, and I have my own reasons for putting my faith in someone I have known my whole life and who has never otherwise done anything to hurt me.

"One last message" the day before, when the bride already knew OP didn't have the details would've resulted in, at best, a last-minute invitation which would've felt like it had been extended out of obligation. Which is what OP got.

I can trust that she genuinely thought I had the info I needed and by the time it clicked that I didn't it was too late

But this isn’t actually true, is it? As you said repeatedly in your previous thread: she knew that you didn’t have the details, and she chose to reply to your requests without giving you the crucial information.

Your choice if you want to sprinkle glitter over her upsetting behaviour in order to move on 🤷🏻‍♀️

Has she told you to post this op?

I hope you are okay

Wow! So instead of taking the blame for what she's done, she manages to sift through the details to assign you half of the blame and get you to apologise?! Excellent deflecting there on her part.

I don't think she wanted you to go.

@Kissingfrogs25 yes I'm being held hostage. Send help.

I'm very glad that it had an outcome that you are at peace with. Best of luck with your friendship going forward, you know your friend way better than we do!

I’m glad you’ve sorted it now.

I do think it was petty of you to not text her back in the morning but after her behaviour then I don’t blame you and she obviously didn’t want you to come anyway, so it all worked out for the best.

Draw a line under it and move on.

She knew you didn't have the details, otherwise she would never have sent them to you on the morning of the wedding (because she would have thought you already had them). It's shit that she's treating you like this.

You seem like a nice person and deserve better friends. She never wanted you there I’m afraid.

No bride, I repeat no bride, sends a text with the details of her wedding to her oldest friend the morning of the wedding if she wanted you there. She avoided giving you the details every time. I wouldn’t invest any more energy and time in such an awful person.

I can trust that she genuinely thought I had the info I needed and by the time it clicked that I didn't it was too late

Tbf OP this is a big turnaround from what you kept saying before, that she definitely knew you didn't know when/ where it was.

Thanks for coming back with the update, OP. You are a kind soul.

She knew you didn't have the details, otherwise she would never have sent them to you on the morning of the wedding (because she would have thought you already had them).

Exactly!

And OP had asked multiple times for them and she kept saying she’ll let her know.

But I don’t think OP wanted to go as much as she didn’t want OP there, so it sounds like it worked out for the best.

I'm glad this event has cleared the air @Vanillaoatcake , perhaps this was what was needed. Something big to make you both actively decide you want to invest and make this friendship work again