To think 3 is too young to get chucked out of school?

[OneDayIWillDivorceHim]

My DS is in pre school. He's 3. He's young for the year. Hopes to go to reception at same school next year.

DS is hard work. Gets v angry at being told no. Quite strange behaviour. Poor language
Bolts a lot. Always much better behaved at nursery or with family than with me. He's also v loving, hilarious, always gives his food to his brother, long cuddles etc

Anyway. He's potty trained but I have no idea why but he's started weeing in his pants. The pre school have specifically said they expect all kids to be potty trained. He is. Has been since before summer. No idea where this has come from. They really don't like it though.

Today he pushed some toys over. Doesnt listen to them. Very stern staff (traditional private school - distant family member paying for him to go there - we thought structure would be good for him). Now being called in and the dreaded "he makes it difficult for the other children"

I feel it in my bones that are on their way to getting him to leave

I go from thinking F them to thinking its all my fault. They are right he doesn't listen but they don't seem to want to work with me at all. No empathy.

My DH is just being horrible about it all. My other younger kid clings to me like a monkey. Screams if I put her down for one second. Work is a joke. No sleep. Mortgage probs through the roof.

I feel like giving up. Honestly. I donf know what that means but I can't keep on like this. This meeting on Monday has pushed me over the edge I swear. My son is 3 and I'm being called into the school. I'm an embarrassment.

I'd put him in a local Preschool walking distance (state). If the relative wants to offer financial support, what about a part time Nanny? They can help a bit with both kids then.

My 3 year old boy sounds similar, and I suspect he may be ND as well. However, he is in full time nursery at an absolutely wonderful place with great staff and I have never for one moment felt like he was unwanted by the nursery, or seen as a nuisance or burden. They are lovely, try all sorts of things to support him, and are really nurturing. He is thriving, despite maybe being a little different from the others. I think the issue may be more the nursery than your child. Yes, your child may be hard work, but in the right nursery for him, he may thrive. He is only 3... I feel the expectations are quite high (eg full potty training - my son wets himself sometimes, as do some other kids in his group at nursery. It does happen!)

Both of my boys have ASD. It took three goes to find the right nursery/school.

Both are now happy and thriving with wonderful staff with appropriate support.

That school isn’t right.

That sounds very concerning for you but I'm not sure that it sounds like he is doing anything that major wrong? Correct me if I'm wrong. My two kids are at a private school (one in nursery) and I've seen plenty of the kids coming out wearing spare clothes as they have had accidents. I have also (with my older son over the years) witnessed and been told about some horrific behaviour from other kids and none of them have been kicked out. Maybe the school didn't want to kick them out as they would lose money I don't know. I really hope things settle down for you.

Yes spare clothes bag was normal at our preschool in case of accidents or getting muddy etc.

Friend's of ours have a child who is slightly deaf and so at 5 had slightly delayed speech. They spoke to a local private school which made it very clear that they were not interested in having any children with disabilities that would reduce their grades. They put their child to the local state primary school where they did some simple interventions and she thrived.

If this nursery is not interested in providing support for your DC then he will probably be better off somewhere they do have the skills to support him.

He's a pandemic baby which may explain some of his behaviour and peeing himself a few months after potty training might be as simple as urinary tract infection.

Oh OP, I completely understand why you feel awful but as others have said, it really doesn’t sound like the right place for him.
My almost certainly ND DS was in the wrong nursery setting for a while; I wish I had listened to his behaviour then rather than thinking there was something wrong with him/with my parenting. In the right place he is an absolute dream and I can only now really appreciate how stressed and upset he was then.

Don't feel bad about it. My little one had behavioural issues as well and the right nursery setting really helped him. This school isn't the right fit for your child I believe and believe me there are so many other alternatives. Remember you are the paying customer and you get to decide which setting is best for your child. If I were you, start looking at different pre schools and there are loads that will take him in next term and even mid term as there are always space for one! Don't feel bad about anything, your son isn't nurtured in the right setting.

Why would you send your beautiful child to people who can't handle him? They're piss poor at the job they've been employed for. Pathetic really. Send him somewhere he'll be loved and appreciated.

That's private education for you. The school is selling an upmarket refined social and educational experience, at a superior cost. They can turn away pupils who don't match up.

if this school does suggest that you need to go elsewhere then it is not the right school for your DC. Children often regress in toilet training g for a variety of reasons none of which you or then have any control over. You may find on Monday that they want the meeting to talk about things to help you.
All independents are very different. There may be a better fit. A school which focusses on pastoral rather than grades. The comment about other parents by OP is rubbish. Other parents will have no idea and should have no judgement. It could be their child playing up next week.

This could be bad behaviour, SEND, adjusting to new school life or has an issue with that place for some reason.

It doesn’t really matter which it is.
I personally would find a new nursery and have a fresh start.

If you want him to go to private school then you can move him later on but there’s no reason he can’t have a good time at a state school and you’ll have many more options to choose from.

Explain his behaviour to the new schools and they can tell you if they are able to take him or not.

I work in a secondary school for students with SEND, behavioural issues or trauma.

We have set rules and expectations but we are much smaller and nurturing than other schools and students settle in really well very quickly, even if they’ve been kicked out of several schools before.

You sometimes have to find a school that fits your child, rather than trying to get your child to fit to fit the school.

😵‍💫🤮

As others have said, he sounds like he might be ND. This isn’t the right setting for him as they just don’t seem to want him there or know how best to nurture him. Your son deserves better and in the right place with the right staff and environment he will hopefully thrive. Every child deserves an opportunity to thrive.

Just to add, this is not a reflection on your parenting, please don’t think of yourself as an embarrassment. It’s a horrible feeling when you’re given the impression (correct or otherwise) that your child is not welcome, especially for something out of their or your control. Been there, done that. My son when aged 3 was similar to how you’ve described your son. He’s since been diagnosed with ADHD and ASD. Once we found the right place for him (a special school in his case) he has been transformed.

I just wanted to say that the behaviours you describe are very similar to my youngest DS who is now in Year 2. Really similar. My DS is likely to be autistic, we are awaiting formal assessment but initial assessments point to it.

The pre school environment sounds awful. For any child really, but specifically for your DS. It doesn't matter if it's expensive and private, if it isn't right for your child. I'd look for a really inclusive nursery that follows a child led methodology. Mine went to one that followed the Reggio Emilia approach, had lots of outdoor space, forest school and so on. We had very few issues with my DS at nursery, he had a wonderful time there.

I know you said that you feel that the parenting strategies suggested don't seem to be working. I'd like to reassure you that they do in the long run. It's worth persevering with them.

I'm sorry your husband is not being supportive and kind to you, please have a virtual hug from me.

Terrible cold response

Just disgraceful

If this was me, I would think this is not the ig jt school for my child. They are not supporting him and sound strict for a 3yo.

When parents pay good money for something most don't want children like your DS to be there making things difficult for them

Well these parents are twats then aren't they? I want my children to be educated alongside all kinds of different young people with different personalities, needs and backgrounds not a bunch of stepford kids. A 3 year old who misbehaves a bit and wets himself is hardly some kind of problem child. The school should have people working there who want to help all children to thrive, learn and develop even if they are not behaving like angels. If they don't want to help your son then I'd get him out as quick as I can, maybe he's wetting himself because he's unhappy there. My advice is do some research and get him into a fun, happy, play based pre school where he is free to be himself and learn at his own pace. Also spend the next few months deciding whether you want to think about deferring him to start the year after.

He may or may not have additional needs but it doesn't sound like this school will help you find out

If your partner is being an arse and you're shouldering all the responsibility I assume he's not the child's Dad? Otherwise it's on him as much as you. What is HE doing to help his child?

If this school isn't a good fit, you don't need to keep him there. Stuff the distant relative who's on

Has his hearing been checked recently? Don’t assume it’s fine.

The preschool sound dreadful and shows that money doesn’t always buy decent EYFS education. My friend sent her DD to a private nursery and the crap they used to say to her about her DD’s development were ridiculous ie at 2 yrs 8 mths the parents were called to a meeting over concerns that DD wasn’t learning to write her name quickly enough.

Don’t presume that money always buys excellence in education. Look to move your DS elsewhere.

Stuff the distant relative who's paying for this whilst yo u struggle to keep a roof over your head.

He's 3 ffs. A tiny little boy. The school sounds useless, I had no idea private schools were so shit with ND kids.

Not true.

State or private is irrelevant. OP's child clearly isn't in the setting that suits him, and she needs to find a setting that brings out the best in him. Personally, I would have him at home, but I appreciate that not everyone has this luxury. If you don't, you need to bust every possible gut to find somewhere that suits him as an individual, whether that be a CM or a nursery.

When parents pay good money for something most don't want children like your DS to be there making things difficult for them
What a nasty comment. Children like your DS???? He'd regressed in his toileting probably due to the stress of school and got a bit upset and knocked over a toy. You want little automatons with no emotional range? Or is those disabled kids you think shouldn't be around the "normal" kids? I sincerely hope my children don't have to be around any child you've raised.

When parents pay good money for something most don't want children like your DS to be there making things difficult for them

The person who posted this doesn't necessarily agree with this? I suspect she's not wrong tbh, even if those parents wouldn't admit it.