To ask if you think about the person at the other end before making a complaint?

[Ladybug9]

Just wondering really. I work in an industry where mental health of staff takes a serious knock, regularly and we are expected to be perfect. The most capable and wonderful people all eventually suffer with stress and get overwhelmed. So much is expected of us, days are so long and work life balance is non existent. We have constant inputs on looking after our own mental health and how to notice of your colleagues are struggling because people do completely break, it's really not uncommon and actually I know more colleagues who have had severe mh issues than those that haven't. After these inputs, you're expected to get back to work and the wellbeing advice is text book and rubbish. Given the nature of the work, it isn't possible to tell the people who we work for ( all walks of life in the public ) when someone hasn't updated them because they've been off with stress for example, it's just not appropriate. I'm fortunate in that I did have a really bad time with my mental health in the past but happen to be on a good team which has got me back to feeling good again, but I've noticed lately that so many of my colleagues are either not working or are really unwell and I really think the main contributing factor to the stress isn't so much the work itself, it's that we cannot be honest with people. Everything is audited and it's not okay to say 'sorry I haven't updated you/done this/called you back, I'm really struggling at the moment and I'm doing my best', it's just not professional. I was wondering if this is how lots of professionals feel, especially those in the NHS, law, teaching, housing etc who are constantly complained at / about or if its unique to where I work? What is the answer? Does anyone else in this position have extra empathy for those that are in those roles? I like to think I do. My nan recently had a really late GP appointment. She followed in a rude, aggressive woman who was leaving her appointment and walked out saying how how NHS is on its he arse, she's going to complain. The poor young girl who saw her was so apologetic and seemed relieved that someone wasn't shouting at her. It's not her fault is it? I bet she didn't study for all that time to do a crap job. I cannot understand this complaint mentality or how people are so removed from realising that services do their best but aren't miracle workers. I don't work in the NHS by the way & I don't believe we should accept rubbish service all the time, but I do think there's a real lack of insight into the pressures people are under at work nowadays and a massive sense from each individual person that they're the only one who matters and the person they're shouting at / complaining about/ generally being unpleasant to must just be lazy, never broken or just not coping. Genuinely interested to hear all opinions on this and your own experiences...

ALL THE TIME I am aware that the poor staff I speak to are representing someone else. I treat them as I would want to be treated, with good manners & a bit of humour if possible.
I feel so sorry for people in these kind of jobs lately. It must be a thankless task.

Everyone should do a customer service job for a year when they leave school, that would make people think more about the way they speak to people.

@mamabear715 this is exactly how I think and fortunately most of my closer circle. Refreshing to know others are out there! I'm so intrigued to know what the thought processes are of people who don't think this way, maybe if they've had an experience that shaped their approach or something, who knows...

@autumntime2022 I agree! I'd never complain about an industry before actually working and living it. Whenever I've got an insight into any other role out there I'm always shocked at the pressures people are under all over the land.

Honestly depends what the issue.

I have just lodged a complaint which sits at Head Office about a store employee. When I question her feelings when she is disciplined (likely), I don't care. Shouldn't have been racist :)

@delilahhey completely get that, hope your issue is resolved with a decent outcome.

Sadly some people are just total scumbags so they won’t care about the other person on the receiving end. All I will say from experience having been on the receiving end is that your only thought is what an an absolute utter c*nt the complainer is. Rude entitled behaviour is frankly unforgivable, I just cannot stand it and I will call people out whenever I see it.

Some people are simply just vile rotten to the core individuals though, it makes you very zen when you learn to accept this, their lives must be bleak to make them so twisted.

I was a little curt with the doctors receptionist as I had to wait 55mins for my doctors appointment after waiting 3 weeks for it. I went straight up to her after my appointment and apologised to her profusely.

In the Law. High Street practice, the demands are terrible. Clients have such selfish expectations. I had someone tell me they’d emailed me days ago and not answering was rude! They emailed 4.40 Friday and followed it up 10am Monday. Not 90 working minutes (office hours not actual worked hours unfortunately) and when I’m not in the office the rudeness to my team amplifies. People say in my day it was different… but I honestly think it’s covid. Practiced 15 years and the last 2 there has been a major shift towards aggression and rudeness. It’s soul destroying.

I work in education. Parents complain all the time. Some complain about anything, but for others if they don't complain, repeatedly and increasingly loudly, their child loses out or is failed in some way. The NHS is indeed wonderful when it works, but for patients who are exasperated by endless failures in the system, complaining is the only way anything gets done.
There's always someone entitled who moans because that's the kind of person they are. But the people who have a genuine axe to grind, do so because they are exhausted, scared, run out of reasonable options or just really, really fucked off with being fobbed off all the time. Their mental health is equally as important.

No matter how unhappy / angry I am, I always treat people with respect. I present my case by articulating the facts (and being clear what I expect as an outcome) rather than yelling or being abusive. 99.9% of the time the person on the other end of the phone is not responsible for what has gone wrong anyway but even if they are, being aggressive towards them will get you nowhere. I treat people how I expect to be treated. Politely, respectfully and honestly.

Sadly it seems that a large proportion of the population disagrees with me and they prefer to shout and/or be aggressive. I wonder if it's because they're incapable of articulating their case and/or feelings, or if it's just the cultural norm for them?

Personally I find the saying "you catch more flies with honey" very true. But then I work in a client facing role so staying calm and trying to be reasonable even when surrounded by people behaving like angry idiots is the norm for me.

tl;dr (use paragraphs, FGS) but
Yes i do. And then i make the complaint anyway.

I find this in my role; I’ve recently had a complaint that has taken me hours to respond to as every time me and my manager respond there’s more that comes back. It makes me feel like why am I bothering giving so much of myself and the time it’s take to respond has come out of the valuable time i could actually be doing my job

I do try to consider how I complain to someone, I get alot of abuse at work (NHS) so really understand how awful it is to be on the other end. However some people don't help themselves, they have an attitude as soon as you talk to them.

I am often told it's not personal,it's just that i I happen to be the face of the NHS, it may not be personal but when someone is swearing and shouting at you, it sure feels personal. I like my colleague try to remain stoical but it is so hard, it's not uncommon for my colleagues to be in tears.

In response yes, we do have a lot of staff either off or, suffering with MH problems, there is not a great deal of help, just generic advice, and management often taking the aggressors side. It has caused me to be a little shut down so it does not affect me. It's very sad to see what is happening to your once happy colleagues.

Loving these responses. @Luxurysleuth007 yours is very spot on, good to hear about the calling it out aswell I bet your colleagues appreciate that! Also interesting about the points that in some areas complaining is the only real way to get things done, I suppose that makes sense actually as when you're overstretched everything is on the back burner unless it becomes a priority. Maybe it's how you complain / considering if you really need to complain, not if you complain...

I kind of agree with you - I used to work in a job that was really intense and people were always rude. However, I've also learnt that sometimes it helps to be a bit rude. In my last job we always wanted to get rid of the rude clients as quickly as possible, so their matters got dealt with faster. I always start off being polite but if something is dealt with badly I'm not shy in calling it out.

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Sometimes complaints are justified. Unfortunately with increasing frequency that includes complaints about the NHS. People should never be discouraged from complaining, provided the complaint is aimed at the appropriate person. So if like many of us, that woman had good reason to think the NHS is currently providing a terrible service, she shouldn't be guilted into staying quiet because NHS workers are often hard working and stressed. What she should do is calmly state she wished to complain and who should she address it to.

@Battlecat98 that's really sad, I hope you're okay and sounds really similar to where I am. It's sad when you notice the shut down but I agree, it becomes this place you cannot be yourself anymore and it's really difficult to pretend to be motivated when you're just not and there's reasons as to why.

Complain, yes, but don't be rude or aggressive. No one minds even an unjustified complaint as long as it's made in a civilised manner - although, not surprisingly, unjustified complaints are rarely made by polite, civilised people!

The last straw in my previous job was a man who complained about the decision I'd made which he disagree with. Fair enough, you don't like my decision.

But the way he complained about me was so awful and the spineless way the complaints department wanted to appease him (although my direct manager backed up my decision) was too much. I couldn't take the hatred any longer. I dreaded picking up the phone or opening my emails. I consider myself a pretty tough person but I couldn't shake this one off.

So I left. Miss the job itself but do not miss the complainers.

Ok good at and like making complaints when the service is very poor. I don't make it personal but if the service is not up to standard, or they aren't following laws/guidelines/procedures then yes I'll complain.

Yes I am polite and stay factual. I don’t tend to bother complaining but if I do it’s generally in writing.

I’ve also worked in retail whilst studying and people can be entitled little see you next Tuesdays 🤷🏼‍♀️🤔 …. I’ve worked in frontline service areas so have been sworn at, threatened and thrown at.

I don’t swear and I don’t shout, as soon as you’ve done that you’ve lost it.

I work in hospitality. It’s BRUTAL. I often wonder if people realise I’m still a human and being shouted and sworn at is upsetting and intimidating. I’ve been in tears multiple times this summer… for things that are out of my control but I still bear the brunt of it.

The REAL problem is how you complain, not who you complain to.

Ranting and raving and being aggressive/insulting is ALWAYS wrong in every situation.

But being calm, rational, explaining the complaint and what recourse you want should never be a problem, whoever you're complaining to.

When you come up against an employee who won't listen or is aggressive towards you, the customer, then best thing is to keep your calm, and ask for their manager, etc rather than lowering yourself to their level and ending up in a slanging match.