To ask if you think about the person at the other end before making a complaint?

[Ladybug9]

Just wondering really. I work in an industry where mental health of staff takes a serious knock, regularly and we are expected to be perfect. The most capable and wonderful people all eventually suffer with stress and get overwhelmed. So much is expected of us, days are so long and work life balance is non existent. We have constant inputs on looking after our own mental health and how to notice of your colleagues are struggling because people do completely break, it's really not uncommon and actually I know more colleagues who have had severe mh issues than those that haven't. After these inputs, you're expected to get back to work and the wellbeing advice is text book and rubbish. Given the nature of the work, it isn't possible to tell the people who we work for ( all walks of life in the public ) when someone hasn't updated them because they've been off with stress for example, it's just not appropriate. I'm fortunate in that I did have a really bad time with my mental health in the past but happen to be on a good team which has got me back to feeling good again, but I've noticed lately that so many of my colleagues are either not working or are really unwell and I really think the main contributing factor to the stress isn't so much the work itself, it's that we cannot be honest with people. Everything is audited and it's not okay to say 'sorry I haven't updated you/done this/called you back, I'm really struggling at the moment and I'm doing my best', it's just not professional. I was wondering if this is how lots of professionals feel, especially those in the NHS, law, teaching, housing etc who are constantly complained at / about or if its unique to where I work? What is the answer? Does anyone else in this position have extra empathy for those that are in those roles? I like to think I do. My nan recently had a really late GP appointment. She followed in a rude, aggressive woman who was leaving her appointment and walked out saying how how NHS is on its he arse, she's going to complain. The poor young girl who saw her was so apologetic and seemed relieved that someone wasn't shouting at her. It's not her fault is it? I bet she didn't study for all that time to do a crap job. I cannot understand this complaint mentality or how people are so removed from realising that services do their best but aren't miracle workers. I don't work in the NHS by the way & I don't believe we should accept rubbish service all the time, but I do think there's a real lack of insight into the pressures people are under at work nowadays and a massive sense from each individual person that they're the only one who matters and the person they're shouting at / complaining about/ generally being unpleasant to must just be lazy, never broken or just not coping. Genuinely interested to hear all opinions on this and your own experiences...

I had someone tell me that if he killed himself it would be my fault. I had to go and cry for ten mins. And then you still have to be lovely to every customer for the rest of the day... "YOU tell ME my security details because YOU called ME!" really? You really want me to give out your personal information and details of your debts to anyone who demands it? I think not 🙄

Totally agree. I always say I know it’s not your fault but………..

customer service makes you grow a thick skin at times.

Everything is audited and it's not okay to say 'sorry I haven't updated you/done this/called you back, I'm really struggling at the moment and I'm doing my best', it's just not professional.

one of the things I hate is people not responding when they said they would. It makes me think I’ve been forgotten. If someone phoned me with an update like the one above I would appreciate being kept updated. I wouldn’t find it unprofessional.

A charity had dealings with a councillor they held a public meeting to allay worries this councillor barracked them time and again in social media. They eventually put out a very carefully worded polite statement on FB stating that they had answered his questions time and again, he had written to them twenty times. Their position had not changed. Financially. The councillor went a bit mad complaing that they had shown him up on social media. OH the irony

The problem is that a lot of customer service is very poor. There is often denial and obfuscation and that does make me angry. The NHS is the worst at this.

However, I had to make a complaint last week about an issue - a company not doing what they said they were going to do and being let down several times. I wrote to the CEO and got a call back a few hours later and everything I’d asked about was addressed. I was really impressed and it did an awful lot to mitigate my annoyance. So I would say it works both ways. You treat me with respect and I will treat you with respect.

When I complain phone or chat wise I bear in mind they're a cog in the company and may be abroad anyway. You need them onside.

There's a huge difference though behan making a complaint about poor service and being rude directly to the service provider.

If your a bit all over the place on a cam to you, I don't know that your kid is poorly and you're DH just left and your Gran is sending money via email to some rich probe who wants to marry her. Being aggressive and abusive to you isn't reasonable. Making a complaint may well be and it's then up to your boss to know enough to deal with the complaint appropriately.

I’m a Manager within customer services. Any customer that is rude, abusive or aggressive gets a warning to stop, and if they continue, the call is ended. Nobody deserves to be shouted or sworn at.

I'm also in hospitality and totally agree, the way people behave over small, barely an issue things that are easily rectified, or just as common, completely non existent, can be utterly ridiculous, it turns into a circus of how they've become a victim, how they've been treated unfairly, how they feel picked on, how you can't possibly have made a human error, or in fact it's just life that happened, you must be doing it to get at them, to single them out in some way, are prejudiced against them...... And therefore they deserve something.

And it's pretty hard to not take insults, directed at you, personally. When you're called incompetent, an idiot, useless etc regularly it brings you down, we're human, you can switch off to a certain degree but being bombarded with constant negativity is wearing, and understandably so.

I made a mistake a few days ago at work, I owned up and apologised to the customer and rectified the situation, I was really shocked to get a calm and measured response to it. I was in the wrong and am so used to being blamed for everything (cost of living issue was tonight apparently, my fault, just as in the past anything from the weather to covid measures was also my fault) that it made me realise how angry people are and how they truly believe that they are entitled to take that out on customer facing staff because they are there and in a position of service.

Companies often compound it by making policies that they threaten all sorts to staff for not following, then throw you under the bus for doing exactly that to the customer, making you apologise for doing what they've told you to. Sometimes I feel we're just there to take the brunt of people's frustration for what's gone wrong that day, not provide a product or service with a polite manner and a smile.

I mean you don't even have to be nice, just civil will do, without personal insults, remember behind the badge or uniform or on the other end of the phone is a human being, and as such they deserve to be treated with basic respect.

I said YABU even though I really try and be very polite to everyone. It’s just since having a child who is disabled I’ve had to do a lot of complaining - which I absolutely hate but really nothing is more important than DS.

And what I’ve found is that professionals can get very defensive with me, which is awful and they end up blocking my path to get stuff done for DS. I’ve always, always said - I totally understand that you are doing a good job / within limits - I completely understand - but I need X for DS by this time, not in 4 years - so who can I speak to or can you log that he is not getting this service when he needs it.

Unfortunately I do think many organisations, including very ‘caring’ ones have this idea that you have to ‘be a team’ which means ‘no outside criticism’ and if there is any criticism, then close ranks, deny and don’t listen.

@Ladybug9 - my SIL is a mental health nurse. It is stressful. I get your point. All the best to you

I used to work in retail and now work in civil service with the public. I know how to provide good customer service & how to speak to organisations helping me when I am the customer, ie polite and easy going. I know how complaints are investigated - they don’t end in dismissal or even reprimand most the time.

I placed a complaint about a GP to her practice manager and the care quality commission recently. This was after several problematic appointments spanning a year.

I don’t care about her reaction. Frankly I doubt she cares aa nothing will happen to her job. Ultimately she will be given the chance to put her version of events forward so if she thinks it’s an unfair complaint, she can defend herself. Hopefully she will just think twice before being rude and unhelpful to people in need in the future.

Depends what they have done.

Do I care that the creepy stalker customer service guy I complained about?
I phoned the massive company he worked for with a query.
He looked up my personal information in my account, found me on Facebook & sent me pervy messages while trying to friend me on there during the phone

No.

The company took it seriously too, (I'd been a client for years) they bumped it up the chain of bosses to a really really big boss who personally apologised on the companies behalf & gave me something as compensation even though I didn't ask for any.
He got sacked.
As a result, I'm a client for life.

Some people need to be complained about.

I think being able to complain in an assertive but polite way is a key life skill.

If you are too soft and don't stand up against anything then you can be unjustly treated, used and scammed.

On the other hand if you go about swearing and shouting then you are unlikely to be listened to even if you have a valid point. And it is horrible to be on the receiving end of it.

I try to model for our DC how to assess whether you have reasonable grounds for complaint, and how to deal with people in a polite assertive way, which is the best way to get a good outcome, and also respectful of other humans. As well as how to politely rebuff people who approach you for money in the street or at the door etc.

I work front line NHS - people can be absolutely vile when they have been kept waiting for an appointment. It really wears you down. I really think hard now about complaining about anything.

@agutrew the last time I had an NHS appointment it ran 90 minutes late. For the first 45 there was no info and then we were told the clinic was running an additional 45 minutes late. Only the consultant apologised. That was after a five month delay arising from a misdiagnosis.

There is a culture in the NHS that puts the patient at the bottom of the pile. In any other sector jobs would be lost. Patients are far too grateful for poor standards both clinically and pastorally.

When I asked the reception staff why my appointment was running 90 minutes late the response was "this is the NHS and it's free". When I very politely ventured it was free only at the point of delivery, I got the "eyeroll". I think there must be a whole training module about the "eyeroll".

If I had to pay at the point of delivery, I wouldn't if I was subjected to a 90 minute delay.

Well there are complaints and there are complaints aren't there.

There are the complaints where what you are saying is "look, your company had a silly policy and you're putting your staff in the firing line because you're asking them to defend the indefensible" or "a cock up was made, no harm was done, but please learn from it" complaints. These should be easy to get right.

The sort of complaint that requires evidence and financial or personal loss, they're harder.

In answer though, yes. I do consider the person. That means that I won't be abusive, shout, swear etc. but it doesn't mean I'm not going to complain because they might be upset.

As for the NHS, on an individual basis I haven't come across many staff who aren't considerate, but as an organisation they are not giving those staff the tools they need to offer the service they would want to.

It depends what the complaint is really. If it’s something they can’t do anything about E.g. my doctor (probably most doctors) won’t take prescription requests over the phone then I won’t go mental at the receptionist when she says ‘no’
because she didn’t make the rule and may even think it’s just as stupid as I do.

However, I had no problem complaining about my GP when she was so nasty and cruel to me when, following 5 seizures, I couldn’t remember the name of one of my medications. She kept barking ‘you must know’ ‘I haven’t got time for this’ etc whilst I was practically in tears and my mum had to tell her to stop. The doctor wasn’t thinking about my feelings so why should I think about hers?

My (former) friend and colleague complained about me. She misunderstood something I said then added arms and legs to it. The next thing I know she complained to the boss about me instead of asking me about it. Or stopping to think how it would effect her good friend, she made a complaint. Only there is a lot of evidence to show she is wrong and that over the last few months I not only did my work but took on some of hers. I knew she's had some personal issues so quietly made her work life easier, I covered up some big mistakes of hers and dealt with complaints about her work from other workers. Now she is upset that I had to show up her shit work in order to defend myself against her complaint .

As others have said, there’s no slack in the system. If you get someone angry etc, you don’t have 5 minutes to decompress, you’re meant to be professional and carry on. This either destroys you or leads to burnout and being uncaring and an automaton.

I work in both client facing and more recently started also in a complaints role. IME, most complaints do show up a failure of sorts, human or organisational. Humans learn from it or resign. Organisations are slower.

I'll always complain ad nauseam about the failures of my local hospital/trust. I've also praised A&E, it goes both ways.

I work in CS in a call centre and also deal with emails.

Most people are very ineffective complainers.

"and another thing" dilutes the real issue. Decide on the most important points and make them, don't list every minor detail about your experience.

Don't start off the call with an exasperated "thanks for picking up the phone!" as that implies the person answering has been ignoring it and not speaking to 100 similar callers without a second between calls for hours.

Don't wish cancer or death on the call hander or their family.

Don't ask for unfeasible massive free services for a complaint that is minute then rage when they are unable.

Don't assume the person is following a script and a use them of it. We don't in my company.

Don't demand a manager immediately. Speak to their person who is most likely able to help. In my company managers have no more discretion than call handlers and have less knowledge of how to fix the issue. They will aks what we want to do when flexing the rules so the call handler still makes the decision.

Don't give advice on how to run the company, it's unlikely the call handler is also the CEO who makes decisions.

Don't rant in the background when someone else is complaining. This is often done by middle age wives who can only hear their husband and not the response. I often ask the husband to put the wife on if they are directing the call from the wings.

Don't make demands that issues are met in unreasonable time frames. Emailing at 6pm on Saturday and asking for a result within 24 hours when the office is closed in that time is never going to happen.

We are not your pen friend. If you need to email 10 times to keep asking more questions then consider if a phone call is more appropriate. Please also read the response!

Don't leave a voicemail then immediately call back, it wastes our time dealing with you twice.

Don't rant in the background when someone else is complaining. This is often done by middle age wives who can only hear their husband and not the response. I often ask the husband to put the wife on if they are directing the call from the wings.

This, so annoying! Along with
I’m calling on behalf of my son (it’s never daughters)
How old is he?
Insert age between 18-24
I need to speak with him, he’ll have to call us
Oh no, he’s right here

Parents, let your DC deal with their own complaints/queries.

The fact that 40% of people who voted thought you were unreasonable just perfectly explains why you feel this way.
The public have become selfish entitled demanding and rude.
I have been in the NHS for 25 years and the disgusting behaviour of some people has increased dramatically.
Some of fhe complaints we get are so nasty vicious and petty it's staggering.
With no idea how much time energy and mental well being they say. Who has time and energy to write 6 page complaints Iver something trivial. And I'm never sure what they expect? A public flogging by the sounds of many of them.

I agree with others that COVID seems to have been a tipping point. People are so angry at the moment and incredibly self centered.

However it 'works' companies bend over backwards to appease them, despite the threats to staff and vile language. This just continues it.