My DC missing for 4 hours after school.!!

[Highfivemum]

had no intention of putting this up for discussion but after call today I am livid and would like some opinions
so my DC summer born started high school beginning of the month. Just 11 so young in year. He catches the coach from our village and has done this since he started. All fine up until yesterday when he was not on the coach when I waited for it after school. Tried his phone and it was turned off. Frantic drive to school with other DC and he was no where to be found. School did not have a clue where he was. Caretaker and head teacher called back into school ( they had both left premises when I got there) they both insisted he got the coach etc as all year 7 were taken to the coach stop at rear of school and escorted on the coach. For info it is a small high school. And only runs 3 coaches to surrounding villages.
Cutting a long story short that seemed like days for me my DC was discovered to be on another coach and was in another village, sitting by the coach stop. We eventually were reunited over 4 hours later.
my DC was distraught. He said his teacher let them out of lessons late and took three Dc to the back of the school and put them all on the same coach. This was the only coach left at school as the others had left. He said no time to collect their phones from the office. This was the wrong coach. When the coach arrived at its final destination my DC who was to upset to say anything got of the coach ,And there he sat till the error was discovered and we collected him.
the school today have said my son was at fault and he should have spoke to the driver and not got off the coach.,,, yes I get that but they have not admitted any mistake with the staff at all.
I am livid. Am I being unreasonable. What would anyone else think/ do. My DH took our DC to school today as they didn’t want to go.

Your poor DC.
I'm in my fifties and have recurring nightmares about getting on the wrong bus after school and not being able to get home.

Different scenario but my primary school massively screwed up when I was aged 5 or 6. My parents were late picking me up stuck in traffic and this was when hardly anyone had mobile phones in the 90s so they couldn't contact the school to let them know. I remember being sat at reception waiting for my mum and dad to come after every other child had gone home. No staff were supervising me. After waiting what felt like 10 hours to me, a young child, I left the school on my own and started walking home. I was halfway home before another child's mum recognised me asking where my mum was and took me straight back to the school. Anything could've happened to me! Not sure if the school were ever invesitgated but they should've been, my mum was livid!

I'm in 2 minds about this. Are you absolutely sure this is what happened, exactly? I find it hard to believe that a member of staff would keep a whole class back so late that all the other buses had gone. What about the other children in the class - which bus were they getting? I also find it hard to understandt that the teacher didn't ask everyone what bus they actually needed before "putting them all on the same coach." I just can't see how this would happen, unless it's a miscommunciation between staff. I work in schools and you'd ask the child "which bus do you need?" and check with the driver that it was the correct one for all of the children while shoving them onto the bus, (if this was outside the usual going home routine for the school).

If a teacher genuinely kept them late, didn't give phones back, didn't ask children which bus they needed or made sure it was the right bus, then yes, that is totally wrong of them and there needs to be some staff training done pronto (it's not even staff training, is it, let's face it - it's lack of common sense)

However it happened, I fail to see how you keep being in floods of tears about it. Your child is ok. How they get over this little hitch depends on how you approach it. How do you expect to teach your children resilience if you keep crying every time something doesn't quite go to plan? Even though you will be doing that in private, your child will overhear you discussing it or even sense from your body language that you are overwrougth. You need to teach them that even teachers are human and sometimes make mistakes, that EVERYONE does, and because of this that they must NOT be scared to ask for things like their own property (phone) back and speak up if they think it might be the wrong coach (your child may not even have realised it was the wrong one)

I'm speaking from experience. I was a quiet, didn't say boo to a goose, type of child who wouldn't dare to question an adult. But that was the 70s and 80s, and you knew your place and lots of parents instilled into their children never to question adults, especially teachers. I was terrifed of them, and putting a foot out of line by accidentally "answering back". Things are quite different now and children MUST be made to realise that they have a voice and should use it. as it will help them to help themselves.

Total empathy bypass from some posters. Depressing.

Jesus Christ OP that's bloody awful, made worse by their response. They have messed up terribly. Poor you and poor DC. This is a massive safeguarding issue. An 11 year old just left like that and also with no means of communication with you?! I am bloody livid on your behalf.

Trying to imagine this happening to one of my children just starting high school. 4 hours of not knowing where they were would feel life a lifetime. You poor thing, you must have been worried sick.

I'd be surprised if they made the bus on time if they had to wait to collect a phone tbh. I've dealt with about 100 phones in an exam room and even that took some time to collect and hand out, and you know exactly where they are sitting!

Yes I should have put this too! Definitely everything in writing.

I knew someone who worked in a nursery. They had taken the kids to a community centre to do an activity. When they left one of the kids slipped off to the loo and ended up locked inside for 2 hours before it was noticed. I makes me shudder to think of that poor child crying alone for hours.

@Highfivemum
I would feel exactly as you felt when your son was tucked up in bed and said that he knew you or his dad would come to get him.
I could almost picture the scene and feel your sadness. 4 hours must have seemed a lifetime and ANYTHING could have happened to him. The school...well, I'd have been FUMING. I hope you both get past it and he feels safe getting the bus home from now on.
I used to meet my oldest son when he caught the public bus home from secondary school, however, I didn't let on that I was his mum, I just queued with others at the bus stop so other pupils didn't think he was being 'babied'. I did this for about 6 months. Our children are precious. I'm glad his dad reassured him and took him for pizza. Hugs to you all {{}}

OP just wondering how come it was 4 hours?

My 11 year old would have been really thrown by this situation. I don't think he'd have said anything to the driver either, OP. Also a young 11, very bright, but shy. It's common enough and not at all ridiculous - they're children after all, and mature at their own pace. Hope your DS is okay now, I think he did very well to stay calm.

bloody hell
so glad he was found safe.

Personally I'd go right off at the school. It is unacceptable to keep children late in the last lesson of the day when they catch a bus home. Bus drivers don't wait. It's some weird bloody power trip they have. I remember my high school years. Some spiteful teachers would hold entire classes late. Despite kids on the bus telling the driver not all students were on, the bus driver would still leave. It was an hour + on the bus to school (in 100km/hr zones), so not a small journey for a kid to get home. I remember many times having to run from the far end of school to the bus stop with the bus starting to pull out - even though the driver could see you running. As I said - power trip.

It sounds like a mix up. Teacher assumed that it was the right bus as did your dc. I think you could maybe ask the school to make the buses more identifiable. Even calling them Bus A B and C would help! Why was he out late? If he was let out late. maybe they need to remind teachers and students how quickly they need to be out. I think that rather than being livid and wanting someone to be to blame, just work out how to prevent it happening.

I'd be raising hell. I still remember the fear I had when school rang me and said my daughter hadn't arrived. No reply from her phone and I was just about to ring the police when they found her in an unannounced mock exam. No apology there until I went fucking nuclear and took it to safeguarding and the governors. This was ten years ago.

That's a bit harsh. Bus drivers have to make an effort to keep to time as well as wait for stragglers. They might have another pick up to get to afterwards or something, they can't hang around after school waiting for one kid who may or may not be coming. In your example it's the teacher that caused the problem not the bus driver who probably gets it in the neck from parents for dropping kids off late.

This is terrible, I cannot believe the school let that happen, your poor child sat on their own for hours. I would be very upset with school about this and it’s totally the schools fault I think. Not letting them have their phones is not on either!

This might be too soon to say.... bit you will laugh about this one day. Bless him for not saying anything to anyone.

At my GSs school they have colours rather than numbers, so he always got the green bus but there was a red, blue and yellow bus that all had different routes. The driver just put a card, maybe A3 roughly, in the front window and they could easily see their bus. Not very high tech but it seems to work well.

@WindyKnickers believe me, the bus driver never got it on the neck for being late on the run. It was solely a school bus run. It ran in the morning and afternoon, that's it. No other place to be.

And driving off as you see a kid running for your bus - if that's not a power trip, what is? The kids on the bus would be yelling at him to wait, but he'd drive off.

I would be absolutely livid.
Even if your son hadn't got on the wrong bus, he would have missed the right one due to the teacher making him late!

I'm guessing that at your school the buses are numbered or there is an easy way of telling which is which? And that if it is the teacher who makes them late the teacher or the school would take some responsibility for remedying that?

OP's son couldn't tell the teacher it was the wrong bus as he had no means of knowing. The teacher should have checked where each child was going and should have checked with the driver that that was the right bus. For a school to put the blame on an 11 year old who has only been there around 3/4 weeks is a safeguarding failure in itself.

You poor thing, I'd be livid. X

The school is blaming an 11 year old child? I'd raise holy hell.