My DC missing for 4 hours after school.!!

[Highfivemum]

had no intention of putting this up for discussion but after call today I am livid and would like some opinions
so my DC summer born started high school beginning of the month. Just 11 so young in year. He catches the coach from our village and has done this since he started. All fine up until yesterday when he was not on the coach when I waited for it after school. Tried his phone and it was turned off. Frantic drive to school with other DC and he was no where to be found. School did not have a clue where he was. Caretaker and head teacher called back into school ( they had both left premises when I got there) they both insisted he got the coach etc as all year 7 were taken to the coach stop at rear of school and escorted on the coach. For info it is a small high school. And only runs 3 coaches to surrounding villages.
Cutting a long story short that seemed like days for me my DC was discovered to be on another coach and was in another village, sitting by the coach stop. We eventually were reunited over 4 hours later.
my DC was distraught. He said his teacher let them out of lessons late and took three Dc to the back of the school and put them all on the same coach. This was the only coach left at school as the others had left. He said no time to collect their phones from the office. This was the wrong coach. When the coach arrived at its final destination my DC who was to upset to say anything got of the coach ,And there he sat till the error was discovered and we collected him.
the school today have said my son was at fault and he should have spoke to the driver and not got off the coach.,,, yes I get that but they have not admitted any mistake with the staff at all.
I am livid. Am I being unreasonable. What would anyone else think/ do. My DH took our DC to school today as they didn’t want to go.

When I was 11 I walked home from school as I found the school bus intimidating. I had a mobile phone hidden in my bag for emergencies (early 00s). I wouldn't tell the bus driver that I though as mistake had been made due to embarrassment. Can you raise it with the school but teach DC skills to prevent it happening again?

Also ask why his correct bus left without him ?
Our school bus driver has list of pupils travelling ..does a register...any pupil missing he double checks they've not gone home early or are not in school BEFORE leaving

Not every child can speak up. It’s not a simple as just teaching them some life skills.

I have 3 children. 2 would have been able to speak up when they were in reception class. One who has just started year 8 wouldn’t be able to despite coaching and talking through what to do in various situations - we’ve tried for years, as have his teachers and sports coaches.

Despite severe social anxiety he competes regionally in a sport - when I picked up one day from training, he’d been training with the same group for around 3 months at that point, he came out and said that I would be really proud of him because he had managed to speak to one of the boys in his group. 12 months in he can answer a direct question from his coach but still can’t start a conversation with him - small steps.

Fortunately our buses don’t leave school until everyone is on or the driver has had a message to say they are being picked up. And they don’t take their phones off them.

Is that a mainstream state secondary?

In my years of expereince of school buses that has never happened, how would it even work? Why would the children need to keep the bus driver up to date with their plans, what business of the drivers if a child isn't on the bus. They'd spend more time finding out that Susan wasn't on the bus because she's decided to ho to Jane's house after school than the whole bus route takes. That would be bonkers

Must have been awful for your poor son. I bet he is terrified of getting the bus now.

Can you insist the buses have some kind of destination sign or number so he can be confident where he is going.
Does he have any friends who catch his bus he can look out for?

I was 11 when I first started catching the bus, quite a big school so there were many buses. Ours were all numbered and I knew to get the 37, still remember it!

There was always a teacher at the bus stop but unless you asked for help they weren't there to get students on the right buses, more to ensure everyone was stood sensibly on the footpath and scoop up anyone who'd missed their bus.

But he's 11 so should be getting himself home at that age. I was, via public transport, and had to come up with a plan if there were disruptions etc and this was pre phones. If they led him to the wrong coach he could simply have said 'No this isn't my coach'.
It's not on the teachers to get them home.

I don't know exactly but I had friends get a minibus back to a local village when I was at secondary and the driver queried missing students because he knew who should be on the bus. This only works with small groups of students mind.

DC’s school has a bus register in the afternoon. It is an all through private school. If you are not going to be on the bus on a certain day you need to inform the school office.

School is rural, and children come from a wide area. So most pupils travel on the school buses.

But the issue is whether the school are BU not OPs DH. I really feel for him being unable to speak up, being shy etc, and I really sympathise with the OP and can see why she was upset - but that’s not the school’s fault is it?

still don’t understand why it took four hours and no police were called.

Surely something simple like a register that the bus driver holds each day would have solved this! Like they should wait until they have all kids at the school that day who were present for lessons in the morning and not leave until they are all accounted for? It's not like missing the normal bus where there will be another one it's the only bus, all kids that need to catch it should be accounted for! I would be so disappointed with the schools response and I can literally feel your fear in the pit of my stomach. I had it once where there was a simple mistake and my mum picked my kid up from school once and he wasn't there for me to collect and it was fixed within 20 mins but that fear where you don't know where they are and can't get hold of them is awful you must have been beside yourself for 4 hours!!

Another person who probably doesn’t live rurally . Miss the school bus here and that’s it there is NO other transport. No buses, no taxis ( unless booked weeks in advance and not at school transport time) nothing

Exactly, this site is so uban biased that posters often seem unable to comprehend that rural areas don't have public transposrt options or even public transport at all

The idea of bus drivers sitting in school car parks ticking off registers of who's on the bus is daft. What do they do in the morning, go and knock on doors if a child isn't waiting at the bus stop, make every child late for school and hold up the whole bus bookings for the day 🙃

@alanabennett

I agree with everything you've said. People's reactions on here are batshit. He's in high school, not Reception class. I can't quite get over that he sat at a bus stop for over three hours without attempting to raise the alarm, as it were.

Raise an alarm?

Who with?

The cows grazing the fields next to him?

Some of you clearly have zero understanding of what it’s like to live properly rural. Once you’ve left the townland, there are no nearby houses, let alone shops. Just fields and miles of narrow windy country roads with no pavements. Most of the children get dropped near a crossroads and have to walk the rest of the way home. It’s not a taxi service!!

I am sorry this happened and i understand it was scary for you and your child - however, what contingency plans had you discussed with him over what to do if he got on the wrong bus or missed all the buses?

Why did he not follow what you had discussed?

If you had not done this prior to him starting school i would be shocked - at 11 yo there is a high chance of either of these happening and as a parent it is your role to ensure he knows what to do.

I get he did not have a phone on him - but this is also a highly likely situation that surely you discussed with him before he started travelling to school this way.

I do not believe he should have got himself home etc but he should have known what to do if he was on the wrong bus. He will not be the first and he will not be the last - the bus driver would have had a procedure to follow and would have dealt with this many times - you son should have known that and know to tell him.

Public transport? 🤣🤣 It doesn’t exist.

They’ve been saying for the last 5 years that they’ll introduce a bus service to cover this area but it still hasn't happened.

So they’d be pretty robust and capable then wouldn’t they?

Yes the minibus school buses near us have laminated A4 in window. Simple but effective. The problem with colour is one day the red bus breaks down and they send a replacement green one. Sounds like 3 identical unmarked buses here which is so unnecessary.

At DC’s school the getting on the bus in the morning is the parents’/child’s responsibility. The bus driver doesn’t have a list. Once the driver gets to know the children he might ask if they know why child x is not on the bus if they usually are. But will leave on time if said child doesn’t appear

But at home time the school has a bus list, but it is very rural and includes Primary as well as Secondary aged children.

Check the website and ask school for details of their formal complaints procedure. Escalate it and keep escalating it after each reply. All the way to the governors (who will just side with thr head), Ofsted and also an email to the Department for Education.

Appalling lack of safeguarding and blaming the child is horrible.

You are complaining and pursuing this not just for your child but for the many years of children after him. It is NOT HARD for teachers to let children out on time, it is NOT HARD for the school to return their phones to them and it is NOT HARD to fix this system and check whether children are on the correct bus. They’re being negligent.

Absolutely the buses need some form of identification

As a precaution I would suggest you ensure he has your number on a piece of card in his school bag (all kids should even if they think they remember the number as if panicking you can forget) then remember it's fine to ask someone for help - I've called a parent on behalf of a lost child. I told my kids to ask a person with children, a woman or a couple for help, or go into a shop. He was very sensible though

With the bus driver, obviously?

The other issue is driver shortage. In the past there was probably a set driver who would know who was on the bus.
My dd got on a bus first week of term and the driver no joke said I know it is supposed to go through to school but I don’t know where it is i’m terminating here. A lad argued with driver that it wasn’t on and navigated to sixth form but dd gets off there too so no idea what happened with younger ones at main school building.
All those implying this little boy is unusual for not speaking out. I’m a guide leader and our girls are 10-12. Maybe 1 or 2 would have but the rest I can imagine would have been panicked and upset. They are well behaved and do what they are told. They perhaps are a bit younger and more compliant than in past, they have lost such a chunk of their lives to covid. A teacher saying hurry get on bus they would no hesitation. Anyway this thread has given me idea to do an activity with them.

My local senior school has near 2,000 children, we are actually quite a small town but children come in from nearby villages. Just imagine the scenario if even 25% get school buses, 500 children who may be off sick, may have gone home early as they feel sick or have an appointment, 20 boys are doing rugby practice, 20 children are rehearsing for the school play, 12 are rehearsing with the orchestra and a whole year group are on a trip. So someone in the office has to co-ordinate all that, check which bus they use and get a list out to the driver. At our school some routes have more than one bus e.g. my GS gets the green bus and it normally has one full sized bus and a couple of minibuses doing that route so not sure how the 3 drivers would co-ordinate.

I think not marking the buses is crazy, taking phones off a whole school is even worse chaos, I mean how can you be sure that John Smith asking for his phone isn't actually John Smith in the year above and sure you hand them an identical phone and it is only when they get on the bus to phone home and say they are on their way that they realise it isn't their phone. I know at our local school rule is if you are seen using your phone or a teacher hears it go off then it is confiscated for the day, repeat offenders lose it for longer.

The whole set up seems bizarre.

He had no way of knowing it was the wrong coach. Not every school has alternative ways of getting home; if it is in the countryside and not on any public bus routes, what do you suggest?