Are marriages like George and Amal Clooney’s rare?

[Lesighhh]

Saw an interview of them both released today talking about their marriage. They say they’ve never really had an argument and they’ve found marriage to be easy, in fact 'the easiest thing'. Amal says it’s 99% luck to meet the right person, and prior to meeting George at age 35 she didn’t think she’d find someone. They seem to have such love and mutual respect for each other. Is this kind of marriage the exception rather than the norm? Have they been extremely lucky or do many people have this?

This. ^
No money worries, no childcare issues, hardly see eachother.

Dh and I have a similar situation- with regards to hardly seeing eachother (not the money). But we don’t have worries about money as such. Childcare- women usually take the hit don’t they. I accept that and do the bulk of everything really. But I also have what I want and what I say goes.

DH works a lot- 7 days a week if he’s booked up. So I accept that I’ll do the bulk- I do it with good grace. We don’t really argue- he will whinge sometimes, we have a dog he didn’t really want but I wanted for company and protection and he does love the dog deep down.

I think nearly always someone has to suck it up and give in to the other. Compromise, respect, talk things through by all means but ultimately someone is making a sacrifice.

Women have been conned to believe that arguing and feeling bouts of unhappiness is normal. ‘Ups and downs’ and all that.

I agree, just look at the people calling marriages like this 'boring'.
I can assure you my marriage is anything but boring but our excitement comes from being happy. I couldn't think of anything worse than a drama filled relationship! It makes me feel ill.

I don't know anything about their marriage so can't really comment but I wouldn't say it was especially rare to have a marriage where you don't argue. DH and I very rarely argue and even if we do disagree about something it's always in a respectful way.

He's always been overrated to me, even in his ER prime. Smarmy and in love with himself. I haven't seen the film and don't intend to. The whole concept seems really dated to me.

I'm also on the 'sham marriage' train with these two. From the start, they've been too eager to 'sell' their relationship, which always rings false to me.

In my marriage we really try not to but we can’t help but argue sometimes, neither of us enjoy the drama of it. So much so that vow not to argue again after every argument! It would be lovely not to argue but not realistic when you’re living with someone IMHO.

The thing that makes me think 'not a sham' is that they have never released photos of their kids and must have legal things in place barring the paps from taking their photo. They keeps them very private. So they're not using the twins for PR clout.

I’d rather that than the ‘excitement’ of a volatile, confrontational, never ending conflict of a relationship. Give me cosy, easy, contentment any day.

DH and I don’t row. We disagree, obviously, but talk and negotiate instead of yelling.

We also don’t yell at work, or at DS. We just aren’t shouty people. But neither of us are pushovers, so we don’t end up in a situation where one of us just does what they are told - we actually discuss what we both want, and assume neither of us is out to fuck over the other one.

If you aren’t a shouty person yourself, and you marry somebody else who is a shouty person, you end up with a marriage like that.

I know someone who has worked for them for about five years. No sham marriage apparently.

As for not arguing, since our children have left home we find we have very little to argue about. And, as we’re older, we’re much more likely to be respectful and compromise. It’s much easier when things are going well …

DH and I have a very easy marriage and have never had a real row in 7 years. We have nothing to row about. Our relationship is far from boring.

Thought I'd never marry until I met my husband. We've had a tsunami of things thrown at us recently and have been each others voice of reason when the going got tough and rarely argue. We are each others priority along with our kids and have a relationship based on mutual respect and laughter. We don't have the wealth or lifestyle they have but I wouldn't trade what we have for anything in the world. I feel immense sadness for those that lost their soulmate too early as a family member is going through this currently and despite people saying she's young and will go on to remarry I have my doubts as they were each others everything

I think what marriages are like generally is a different question to theirs in particular

It could be a sham I have no idea but still that doesn’t mean some other marriages that are not a sham aren’t the same ie no arguments

Whi knows if it’s a sham marriage or not, and who cares? They may not argue in the same way that other couple don’t argue, but that might be for any number of reasons - a very easy life which means a generally more relaxed life, both very easy going and don’t really care if the other wants a leopard print ceiling and a Star Wars poster on the wall - but if it works for them, great.

All marriages are different and they all operate in a different way. If both parties are happy, committed and love each other deeply - for some that might mean never arguing, for others that might mean a good old spirited barney is a fairly regular occurrence - then one is not better than the other. I’ve seen both types in action and everything in between, and if the love just isn’t there then it doesn’t matter if you never argue or argue all the time, the chances are it’s going to end at some point. Each to their own.

I’m on marriage 2. Been married 6 years and we’ve never argued. Our life together is very easy. I feel like I live with my favourite friend/

@Suprima

Women have been conned to believe that arguing and feeling bouts of unhappiness is normal. ‘Ups and downs’ and all that.

I don't know. I think too many women having been conned into believing that being accommodating or agreeable at the expense of their own opinions, feelings and beliefs is the right way to behave. Your examples above aren't about arguing, they're about accepting abusive or inconsiderate treatment, which, I think is more likely to happen if you won't/don't/can't argue or advocate for yourself in a relationship.

But arguing doesn't necessarily mean that at all. To me, it means both people expressing strong disagreement or differing opinions and discussing it and arriving at agreement or compromise, and comes from being separate people with separate backgrounds, experiences and feelings. Not from your husband 'texting Sally from work'.

My husband and I both have strong opinions that, even though the children are older and we have no financial pressures and plenty of household help, we still express. We're both very family orientated, have similar goals and values, love each other, laugh together, enjoy spending time together, have mutual interests and mutual friends, are sexually compatible and mostly politically aligned, and we can still have quite a 'lively discussion' about the right way to put a cover on a duvet.

I don't see how that equates to anyone being treated badly?

Me and DP have been together 15 years and have properly argued twice. We have no disagreements, but there's no shouting, no name calling, and if we can't come to an agreement we'll leave it be for a bit and come back to it later on, and one or both of us will compromise.

We're both stubborn as fuck, and actually arguing would just entrench our positions more, so we're better off not arguing in the first place.

There have been occasions where having a row probably would have gotten the situation over with more quickly, and been healthier in the long run.

The two proper arguments have both been over other people. I sent an email to an ex shortly after we moved in together that I probably shouldn't have, and she got a bit too friendly over whatsapp with one of her exes a few years later. No snooping in either case, I left the email open by accident, and she actually asked me if she should block her ex. (She should have, about 4 weeks earlier)

I'd like to second this. Your post made me tear up a bit.

Sorry, that should have been We have disagreements, not We have no disagreements

My marriage is like this. We are together 18 years and I'd say we've maybe had three occasions where yelling has happened, and most 'arguments' would be calm discussions. I think the rare occasion that we've been at odds we might have parked the discussion if it looked like it was getting frustrating or when it was going nowhere, mulled it over and revisited it with our new thoughts.

Our goal in any discussion is to listen to the other person fully, take on board how they are feeling even if it's different to our own feelings and opinions, and find a spot somewhere in the middle that we are both happy with.

Humour and not sweating the small stuff plays a large part in the harmony of the house. You can come in from work to the dishes piled high and get enraged, sure. But a better strategy for me was to go "oh that bloody maid never turned up again! I'm firing her! Right you lot, lets get this sorted so I can start dinner" rather than going nuclear.

And another thing we never do is call each other names. We've got affectionate nicknames for each other but I always feel that if someone calls you a horrible name during a row, you'll remember that personal insult long after you've forgotten what you rowed about. So I never do it and I'd never tolerate it. Even with DS, when he calls himself a name like when he was saying he's a dummy for not understanding some school work, I nipped that in the bud.

@Babdoc I’m so sorry for your loss. Your post made my heart ache for you. What a wonderful 16 years 💐

I’m intrigued as to why people assume their marriage isn’t real. Aren’t famous people capable of real marriages?

Except they were extremely careful with their wording, they ‘welcomed twins into the world’. They were extremely careful on the press statement to not say she had given birth.

Of course they haven't argued. What's there to argue about?!

Nappy for the kids. No money concerns. No education concerns. People who would do anything for them. Holidays galore.

Honestly, it would be foolish to think you can have a life like them, or a relationship like they seem to have.

She's probably talking bull as well. It suits their image to not show any cracks.

Real relationships have their ups and down.

Thanks for the kind comments from PPs. I would still have chosen to marry DH even if I’d known in advance that he would die young. He was and remains the love of my life, and I hope to be reunited with him at my own death, in the loving presence of God.
To the PP who said he lives on through his children - yes, DD2 has his exact smile, and one of my nephews looked so like him at 20, the age when we met, that I couldn’t look at photos of him at that stage without my heart turning over.
It’s a cliche but true - grief is the price of love.

Many comments are claiming they don't argue because they have so much money and help they have very little to argue about. But if that was the case, then why do so many rich people end up divorced? MacKenzie Scott (ex wife of Jeff Bezos) has just filed for divorce again. And she's one of the richest women in the world.