Are marriages like George and Amal Clooney’s rare?

[Lesighhh]

Saw an interview of them both released today talking about their marriage. They say they’ve never really had an argument and they’ve found marriage to be easy, in fact 'the easiest thing'. Amal says it’s 99% luck to meet the right person, and prior to meeting George at age 35 she didn’t think she’d find someone. They seem to have such love and mutual respect for each other. Is this kind of marriage the exception rather than the norm? Have they been extremely lucky or do many people have this?

Yeah, I'm never convinced by the rumours either. It may be that's he's bisexual and at pains for that not to become known by the wider public. But actually gay? I'm not sure about that.

In other cases not arguing is actually a sign of a toxic relationship.

This is a colossal lie, and a dangerous one. It's the kind of lie that leads to people staying in miserable relationships full of conflict because they've been taught to believe that it's normal.

We don’t really tend to argue. I don’t find the kids or finances cause much in the way of tension (we’ve got a lot of stressful kids and not a lot of spare money though). Housework can do but those moments of tension tend to go like this:

“For goodness sake, did you load the dishwasher blindfolded?!”
”Sorry, you know I’m not good at it!”

”Could you stop leaving clothes strewn all over the place?”
”Yeah sorry, I’ve been really lazy, I’ll make an effort not to”

Can’t remember the last time we actually had an argument. I’d be curious to know what others argue about? (I see PP mentioned money, but we’re much on the same page with that.)

The kind of money they have buys a huge amount of help - and that insulates them from the kind of pressures that most normal couples have to deal with. They have successful fulfilling careers, they both travel and work a lot, so they're not on top of each other, they have several different homes and, I would imagine, housekeepers and gardeners and nannies and PAs who do all the drudge work, so they can focus on their work, quality time with their DC, eating well, sleeping well, exercising regularly. Who wouldn't be happy if they could outsource all the shit and just enjoy the good bits of life? I honestly don't think they have much to argue ABOUT!

Amal is Druze , and in the eyes of her religion/ ethnic group ( Druze are amazing , secretive survivors of many cataclysms) if you ‘ marry’ a non Druze, that isn’t really a marriage.

Somebody I knew pretty much did that. They were 15 and 16, her parents kicked her out and he hid her in his bedroom for nearly six months before his parents found out. They didn't like her anyway (massive snobs and didn't like her family) so said she had to go. He did the whole 'if she goes, I go' thing, so they both went and were actually even street homeless for a bit. Anyway, long story short, they got married, had kids and still happy 40 years later. His family came round but hers never did.

They probably have a good chuckle with each other about what a coincidence it is that they’ve bumped into each other twice in one week whilst wandering to and fro across their 40 room Beverly Hills mansion.
They also probably have their own independence and interests;
Her; Kombucha enema, x2 daily, followed by ayahuasca face peel.
Him; Hot yoga with instructor Sergio (29, 6’2”, 198lbs), followed by a bath in asses milk
See, easy when you know how and maintain clear boundaries.

Yes 🙄

People still bleat conspiracy theories about the relationships of complete strangers to each other in a bitter little echo chamber? In 2022?

I have been with DH for 15 years and married for 11 we rarely argue. We are very similar and agree on most things but if we do disagree we are both good at making our point and then leaving it. But all marriages are very different. What works for some doesn't work for others. George and Amal can't win, they say the rarely argue and its a sham marriage. The say they argue a lot and the "they are getting divorced" rumours will start.

I’m not sure “not arguing” is a sign of a happy life/marriage, we have a row and laugh and cry and everything in between. We’ve been together for 31 years and I

I think the type of marriage you describe is rare because people don't discuss what they want in a marriage and family before they get married.

People also pretend they are not looking for anything serious whilst dating, and keep it to themselves how they want to manage things like money, family dynamics, work patterns, careers, housekeeping, child rearing, pets, etc. etc. etc.

If we were all clear about what we truly want and are willing to give prior to settling down with someone there would be many happier marriages than there are now.

They don't appear to have any life problems.
Arguments with dh are related to those. We don't insult each other which is type of argument which I think is a problem.
I think we went into marriage with the same view of it and I think we are still solid after 24 years.

My marriage was on the same day as Clooneys and in the same country. Yesterday was their 8th wedding anniversary, as was mine..

Except mine lasted 5 years. I had live with the sod who did no childcare and no chores, so I exited!

They have millions to pay other people to do the dogwork, hence, I expect they have a lot less to litigate about . Just sayin'

Me and oh have never really had a blazing row. We've disagreed on things but we don't have an overwhelming need for the other person to agree to everything we think or believe. Different opinions, even on major points, are well tolerated. We've been together for 30 years

What everyone is saying about help is true. We have 2 kids 6 and 3 and we don't fight alot because we can afford lots of help.

Yeah I find that odd too. People who say 'we never had a cross word in 50 years of marriage blah blah blah...' I'm like 'really?!'

Me and DH argue like 5 year olds occasionally, over daft things usually, (argued more often in the first 10 years of our marriage,) and we both have to be right ... But the majority of the time, we get on. We are both fiery and quite assertive, and that's why we clash sometimes. Our relationship has passion. I couldn't be with someone who was a 'yes man' and had no fire or spirit.

I know several women who have had men insult and berate them and attack them, and their men have said fuck-all. My DH would have gone for the jugular. He's not a 'hard man' but he will protect me and DD like a rottweiler

All this 'we never argue' also suggests like pp said ^ that one partner is dominant and controlling.

I don't know anything about George and Amal but I genuinely think that people who are quite easy going, don't judge or criticise often and are able to manage their own stress are easier to live with. I think you if you have a marriage with two people like this then you aren't going to get a lot of conflict. I also think this is not always easy to achieve for a lot of people, the way we structure our employment, family life and social expectations means stress is easy to collect. When I met my DH we argued a lot and we look back and wonder how we stayed together. But we got to a place where the relationship is the space we live our life from, not live our life in. It's never going to be perfect though.

i thought it was well known he is gay and it’s a sham marriage???

neither have twins in their family either yet she gave birth to twins…

Really?! The marriage they're describing is exactly like mine, and I can tell you it isn't boring at all.

Conflict, drama and tension don't make a marriage exciting, they make it miserable. What makes a marriage exciting is two people dedicated to exciting each other.

Sounds great to me.
my parents had neighbours who seemed quite emotionless people. We didn't know them much till the husband died. At the time, the wife said to me that she can't cry and wishes she could.

as we got to know her better, we found out that they had one of those "never row" marriages. I think it's maybe the combo of two people who just aren't argumentative and are mostly calm and rational.

sounds great!

Yeah I find that odd too. People who say 'we never had a cross word in 50 years of marriage blah blah blah...' I'm like 'really?!'

Perhaps it’s the words “argument” of “row” which are red herrings because clearly different people define it differently. Most couples will have occasional cross words over things, obviously. But an “argument” to me is an extended heated discussion where voices are at least raised if not to the point of shouting, and you have to have a cooling down period afterwards to get over the anger or hurt. DP and I have never done that. I didn’t think we were that unusual.

This is my experience of marriage too.

I think it can also depend on personality. My Friday long term boyfriend just didn’t argue. His family don’t argue whereas my family and I are shouters and arguers. Impossible to argue with someone like him so we never did. If we disagreed we discussed it.

Everyone else since, there have been arguments. More so when kids came along and inequality and sexism started.

And fraternal twins too, which are the type that run in families, not identical which can happen to anyone. I did wonder about that, all seemed so perfect. Doesn’t mean their marriage was a sham though.

I bet they argue about minor stuff sometimes, but never argue about serious things, because they talk about it and have everything worked out. I think it's doable with right person, but many people marry someone who doesn't suit them or ignore red flags etc.