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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Missing money turned up (very annoyed)

109 replies

CakeMonster1 · 28/09/2022 18:14

Just wanting to know if I'm being unreasonable. Pretty sure I'm not, but unsure how to go about it ...

Moved to Scotland with hubby and 2 DC several years ago, we packed almost everything but had to leave a lot of stuff as wouldn't fit in the removal van and car which was devastating tbh, my mother offered to store our remaining boxes in her garage.

We didn't realise what was in the boxes at the time as was so chaotic.

Been back several times (a very very long journey) hoping to sort the stuff out or transport remaining stuff out to bring home.
Whenever we've been, it's always been arranged weeks in advance however when we've arrived we've been unable to get our boxes and stuff due to some problem or another (we cant find the garage key, there's too much stuff in the way so you will have to get it next visit) it's ended up a case of we haven't bothered going and thought what's the point. It's like our belongings are held to ransom.

Anyway, mother's house went up for sale (weren't even told) so last visit which was arranged she had out everything in secure storage with her belongings so we couldn't get our stuff. She didn't have the decency to tell us.

Just last week I sent a message as she never answers the phone saying we will plan a trip there can we arrange for us to get out stuff from storage etc, she replied 'oh I'm visiting Scotland so will bring the stuff up' well she didn't come, but I received a message saying,

'sorted through your stuff, most of it was not much apart from #*"£ (DS) steif bear and a money box from his christening, won't tell you how much was in the money box lol'

Absolutely fuming, so all our stuffs been thrown away/donated to charity as I rang her immediately. The steif bears now back in storage and she just laughed when I asked for the money box back. The money box has sentimental value, not so bothered about the money as the notes probably aren't in circulation but it's besides the point, it's not my money it's DS money. 😡

AIBU - I'm making a fuss about nothing
YANBU - she had no right to do what she did and it's DS money

OP posts:
browneyes77 · 28/09/2022 18:17

So does she have the money box and is refusing to give it to you ?

cantthinkofabetterusername · 28/09/2022 18:17

YANBU, you've made several attempts to get your stuff and she had no right to do that.
She should have told you she was moving and said you'd need to get your stuff by X date.
I'd be fuming

Pumpkinpatchlookinggood · 28/09/2022 18:18

She has sold you stuff.
I wouldn't be visiting any time soon.

Hugasauras · 28/09/2022 18:19

??? She gave away your stuff and stole your son's money from his money box?

Tbh I would call her bluff and deliberately misunderstand.
'Oh right, did the money go missing in transit or something? I will contact the police and see if they can find out what happened to it, thank you! Poor DS, that money was just for him. Can't believe someone has stolen it!'

Hurdling · 28/09/2022 18:21

That’s 😢 awful , what a horrible selfish woman!

Suprima · 28/09/2022 18:21

Friday is the last day to use old £20 and £50s.

I’d be kindly ordering her to a post office to swap them or get her to pay them in at a bank

MarshaMelrose · 28/09/2022 18:23

You've been several years without your stuff and you're coping fine. If you'd really wanted it, you'd have got it by now.
She's still got your teddy, the christening box and your sons money so if you want it, go and get it. Even if the money is out of circulation, the Bank of England will exchange it.

lunar1 · 28/09/2022 18:24

What an awful woman, I would give her a last chance to get it all to you. Old currency can still be paid into the bank. Halifax took about £150 in old £1 coins I found when sorting out my aunts house.

I don't really see how your relationship can come back from this.

Urrgggghhhhhhh · 28/09/2022 18:24

This reminds me so much of the wardrobe saga with my MIL. My husband had a wardrobe growing up that was gifted to him during his parents’ divorce and had huge sentimental value. When he was at university, MIL moved house and put it in storage and then out of storage and then back in again… she wouldn’t say which unit it was in, wouldn’t allow him access, but kept demanding he get it out of storage?! It went on for years with her demanding he pay for the storage unit but not letting him get it out, then saying she’ll arrange a van to take it to his house but only if he gives her his card details to make payment (and DH not trusting her with his money for obvious reasons). It went on for such a long time and, by the time it was resolved their relationship was beyond repair. They’re NC now and he’s much happier.

Shoxfordian · 28/09/2022 18:25

It seems like you’ve had plenty of opportunities to be a bit more competent and get your stuff back but failed to do it tbh

Your mum shouldn’t steal your money but maybe she considers it a storage fee after all this time

Urrgggghhhhhhh · 28/09/2022 18:26

Shoxfordian · 28/09/2022 18:25

It seems like you’ve had plenty of opportunities to be a bit more competent and get your stuff back but failed to do it tbh

Your mum shouldn’t steal your money but maybe she considers it a storage fee after all this time

Did you fail to read the OP? 😂😂

EL8888 · 28/09/2022 18:26

Is your mum always such an arsehole?

Tobythesnake · 28/09/2022 18:26

Can you turn up at her house and collect it/ask for information for the storage? Although sadly it sounds like it was all excuses and she sold or binned it all long ago. Tell her she needs to return everything or you’ll contact the police for theft then go NC. Anyone who stole from my child would be dead to me.

Hugasauras · 28/09/2022 18:27

Except it was OP's mother who prevented them getting it several times, claiming they'd lost the garage key, they couldn't access the stuff, etc. it's not really OP's fault if every time she tried to get it she was fobbed off and not given access? Not really the actions of someone desperate to not be storing it either, surely? If she cared then she would have let them take it away Confused

SleepingStandingUp · 28/09/2022 18:29

MarshaMelrose · 28/09/2022 18:23

You've been several years without your stuff and you're coping fine. If you'd really wanted it, you'd have got it by now.
She's still got your teddy, the christening box and your sons money so if you want it, go and get it. Even if the money is out of circulation, the Bank of England will exchange it.

She can't get it because her mother won't provide access to where it is. Do you propose she barges into the storage unit and demands access to a box she isn't paying for?

mrsm43s · 28/09/2022 18:29

You dumped your stuff on her and didn't pick it up for several years?

You've made it clear that this stuff wasn't of great value to you - if it was you would have to arranged to have it shipped to you/collected it within a few weeks a couple of months at most, but not just left it for years.

TBH I imagine your DM was at the end of her tether storing your junk for years on end and took the opportunity of a house move to get rid of it. Make arrangements to collect the bear/moneybox/money promptly (at your effort/expense, not hers) and I'm sure she'll happily hand it over.

Hugasauras · 28/09/2022 18:30

Why can't people read the fecking post?

It was OP's mother who prevented them collecting their stuff

SleepingStandingUp · 28/09/2022 18:31

Op I assume your relationship with her is usually awful and dysfunctional?

Hugasauras · 28/09/2022 18:31

And if she was at the end of her tether maybe she should have actually let OP access it and take it away on the several times she tried 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
CakeMonster1 · 28/09/2022 18:33

MarshaMelrose · 28/09/2022 18:23

You've been several years without your stuff and you're coping fine. If you'd really wanted it, you'd have got it by now.
She's still got your teddy, the christening box and your sons money so if you want it, go and get it. Even if the money is out of circulation, the Bank of England will exchange it.

Well we haven't really been cooing without it as thought we had lost the bear and money box and contents of it.

We will now never know what else was in the boxes but have a fair idea of other things, but the money box was bought by a very valued friend who is sadly no longer with us. We were gutted we have never been able to find it and it's been extremely frustrating traveling 6 hours each way to visit family and make arrangements to get our belongings which then ends up that we can't and being told 'oh not this time' this has gone in for years, it's really unfair.
Yes we resigned to the fact we may never see our stuff again but now she's admitted it's all gone and she is now refusing to answer messages regarding money box or bear I'm going batshit crazy at the audacity of it all. It wasn't just my stuff it was my husband and children's stuff in those boxes 😢

Sorry needed a rant 😭

OP posts:
AuldReekie1905 · 28/09/2022 18:34

Your mother sounds toxic. That'd be enough reason for me to break all contact. I can't imagine my mum doing something like this to me or my son. I'm sorry, op.

LivingMyBestLie · 28/09/2022 18:35

Do you want to continue a relationship with her?

If not, I'd call the police and report the theft. Because that's what it is. She agreed to hold it, not sell it.

She sounds awful, I'd cut her off if that's indicative of what she's normally like.

SleepingStandingUp · 28/09/2022 18:37

mrsm43s · 28/09/2022 18:29

You dumped your stuff on her and didn't pick it up for several years?

You've made it clear that this stuff wasn't of great value to you - if it was you would have to arranged to have it shipped to you/collected it within a few weeks a couple of months at most, but not just left it for years.

TBH I imagine your DM was at the end of her tether storing your junk for years on end and took the opportunity of a house move to get rid of it. Make arrangements to collect the bear/moneybox/money promptly (at your effort/expense, not hers) and I'm sure she'll happily hand it over.

*my mother offered to store our remaining boxes in her garage

Been back several times... hoping to sort the stuff out or transport remaining stuff out to bring home

Whenever we've been... when we've arrived... unable to get our boxes... some problem... (we Mom cant find the garage key, Mom saying there's too much stuff in the way so you will have to get it next visit)

It's like our belongings are held to ransom

house went up for sale (weren't even told)... she had put everything in secure storage... we couldn't get our stuff. She didn't have the decency to tell us.

sent her a message.... we will plan a trip... to get out stuff... she replied 'oh I'm visiting Scotland so will bring the stuff up' well she didn't come

received a message saying, sorted your stuff, most of it was not much apart from #"£ (DS) steif bear and a money box... , won't tell you how much was in the money box lol*

Thought that might help those struggling with reading comprehension

LivingMyBestLie · 28/09/2022 18:38

CakeMonster1 · 28/09/2022 18:33

Well we haven't really been cooing without it as thought we had lost the bear and money box and contents of it.

We will now never know what else was in the boxes but have a fair idea of other things, but the money box was bought by a very valued friend who is sadly no longer with us. We were gutted we have never been able to find it and it's been extremely frustrating traveling 6 hours each way to visit family and make arrangements to get our belongings which then ends up that we can't and being told 'oh not this time' this has gone in for years, it's really unfair.
Yes we resigned to the fact we may never see our stuff again but now she's admitted it's all gone and she is now refusing to answer messages regarding money box or bear I'm going batshit crazy at the audacity of it all. It wasn't just my stuff it was my husband and children's stuff in those boxes 😢

Sorry needed a rant 😭

Show quote history

Send her one last message "what a spiteful bitter person you are". And block her.

HerRoyalNotness · 28/09/2022 18:38

I feel sad for you. This is something my mother would do. On one 8hr trip back I went to her house (never locked) while she was at work and got everything and moved it to my dads. When you used the word ransom it reminded me, this is exactly what she would have done.