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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Missing money turned up (very annoyed)

109 replies

CakeMonster1 · 28/09/2022 18:14

Just wanting to know if I'm being unreasonable. Pretty sure I'm not, but unsure how to go about it ...

Moved to Scotland with hubby and 2 DC several years ago, we packed almost everything but had to leave a lot of stuff as wouldn't fit in the removal van and car which was devastating tbh, my mother offered to store our remaining boxes in her garage.

We didn't realise what was in the boxes at the time as was so chaotic.

Been back several times (a very very long journey) hoping to sort the stuff out or transport remaining stuff out to bring home.
Whenever we've been, it's always been arranged weeks in advance however when we've arrived we've been unable to get our boxes and stuff due to some problem or another (we cant find the garage key, there's too much stuff in the way so you will have to get it next visit) it's ended up a case of we haven't bothered going and thought what's the point. It's like our belongings are held to ransom.

Anyway, mother's house went up for sale (weren't even told) so last visit which was arranged she had out everything in secure storage with her belongings so we couldn't get our stuff. She didn't have the decency to tell us.

Just last week I sent a message as she never answers the phone saying we will plan a trip there can we arrange for us to get out stuff from storage etc, she replied 'oh I'm visiting Scotland so will bring the stuff up' well she didn't come, but I received a message saying,

'sorted through your stuff, most of it was not much apart from #*"£ (DS) steif bear and a money box from his christening, won't tell you how much was in the money box lol'

Absolutely fuming, so all our stuffs been thrown away/donated to charity as I rang her immediately. The steif bears now back in storage and she just laughed when I asked for the money box back. The money box has sentimental value, not so bothered about the money as the notes probably aren't in circulation but it's besides the point, it's not my money it's DS money. 😡

AIBU - I'm making a fuss about nothing
YANBU - she had no right to do what she did and it's DS money

OP posts:
PoppyTries · 28/09/2022 20:56

I am astonished that 5% think you are being unreasonable.
I am also sorry that you’ve been denied access to & lost your possessions. Your mother sounds dreadful.

Viostep · 28/09/2022 20:57

If you want to cut contact (and you should), then send her a message stating that you can't believe she would stoop so low as to steal from her grandson and to never contact you again. Then block her and never look back.

ThereIbledit · 28/09/2022 20:58

@MelodyPondsMum you really haven't read all of the the OPs posts, have you?

@Pinkdelight so you'd get a locksmith to get into your mum's property without her permission would you? I'd like to see that, and I'd like to see the locksmith who goes ahead without the property owner's permission.

It wasn't up to her mum to withold or decide what was worth keeping or not. She has acted in a truly vile way, witholding access repeatedly when OP has arranged to be there to collect repeatedly, and clearly in some danger.

ThereIbledit · 28/09/2022 21:04

Cakemonster - the only "excuse" I can think of is was she linked in some way to the person/people who were threatening your son/family with violence? If it was her partner, perhaps he has her under coercive control, for example. Obviously please don't answer this on the thread if you think it will out you.

If there's nothing like that going on, I think I would have to cut contact or go exceedingly low contact with her and grey rock. She has really fucked you and your family about and in a sense it's not about the things is it, it's about her treating you like absolute trash.

I hope you and your family can find another way to remember the friend who gave the moneybox.

She can keep the contents of the moneybox and everything else as a reminder of the price she was willing to sell out at. I hope the teddy keeps her company because she wouldn't have my family's company or assistance as she grew old, any more.

IrisVersicolor · 28/09/2022 21:05

She’s clearly an arsehole but I’m a bit gobsmacked at a removal firm that didn’t do a proper assessment and provide a big enough van.

People are weird about stuff that gets left at theirs.

Newusernameaug · 28/09/2022 21:10

I’m so sorry OP, you must be heartbroken your dm would do that to you all x

Midlifemusings · 28/09/2022 21:15

You stored your stuff at her house and left it there for years in garages and then she had to move it when she moved. It clearly didn’t have value to you.

did you pay her for storage all these years?

dontputitthere · 28/09/2022 21:20

I'm sorry. I can't get my head around someone doing this to their family.

Are you low contact already? I don't think I could even speak to her after that. Such a weird twisted attitude.

Someone above mentioned small claims. Depends if you have the energy for it. It might be futile and just cause you more stress. But I might consider it as I'd have nothing to salvage from the relationship

DismantledKing · 28/09/2022 21:21

Midlifemusings · 28/09/2022 21:15

You stored your stuff at her house and left it there for years in garages and then she had to move it when she moved. It clearly didn’t have value to you.

did you pay her for storage all these years?

Another one with no reading or comprehension skills

Booklover3 · 28/09/2022 21:23

YANBU OP what your mums done is awful. I’m very sorry for you.

When people show you who they are… believe them.

In this case I would have nothing to do with her again. She will certainly need you before you need her! She’s been very spiteful.

BanannaSplitz · 28/09/2022 21:38

MarshaMelrose · 28/09/2022 18:23

You've been several years without your stuff and you're coping fine. If you'd really wanted it, you'd have got it by now.
She's still got your teddy, the christening box and your sons money so if you want it, go and get it. Even if the money is out of circulation, the Bank of England will exchange it.

Oh behave 🙄

billy1966 · 28/09/2022 21:45

Pixiedust1234 · 28/09/2022 19:42

Im sorry op, that was beyond nasty of her. I'm guessing she sold it all very early on or a boyfriend did and that's why there were so many excuses over the years. It had gone.

Ask her to send the bear and money box by royal mail WITH TRACKING, say you will reimburse her the postage if she whatsapp a picture of the receipt (which is why I say royal mail not hermes or DHL etc,) on receiv8ng the items, not before.

The money is gone so concentrate on those two items. Once you get them cut her out of your life. If she ever questions it be blunt. You don't like thieves.

This sounds highly likely.

Your things were disposed of a long time ago.

I am so sorry OP that your mother is so awful.

If you think reporting her will make you feel better, do it.

She sounds so dishonest.

longtompot · 28/09/2022 21:50

200degrees · 28/09/2022 20:45

@longtompot wow, did you not ask for the stuff you recognised back?

Some of it were things given to us by my in laws, who when visiting sometimes edited they actually quite liked it and would take it back. One item I deeply regret was an ornament dh and I bought from a craft fare we were showing at. It was in my bils bedroom and I wasn't sure it was it. Then all sort of upheaval happened and another family member on the other side came and took what they wanted, including our ornament. I really regretted not taking it when I could, but felt they sort of got their comeuppance tbh.

Amybelle88 · 28/09/2022 21:56

So she's admitting she's took the money from the money box? Disgusting.

I'd put good money on your stuff being gone a long time ago, as well as the money.

Unforgivable.

For those who haven't read the post properly I suggest you do.

oakleaffy · 28/09/2022 22:17

Suprima · 28/09/2022 18:21

Friday is the last day to use old £20 and £50s.

I’d be kindly ordering her to a post office to swap them or get her to pay them in at a bank

In the first days of Covid, I pulled out an old needlepoint I'd begun in 1999 ish era.
It was packed away, and in the packet of wool was a small roll of money..ancient {1999 era} notes.

I was able to pay them in to the bank.

Schnooze · 28/09/2022 22:45

I agree that the trust is gone and without trust what is a relationship worth? It must hurt op.

mamabear715 · 28/09/2022 22:55

Do some posters actually READ OP's posts? Ye Gods..

@CakeMonster1 I am so sorry, it's an awful thing to happen. I was fuming with my late mum when she wanted to give a box of my kids' toys that was at her house, to charity - they weren't hers to give away & I made that plain. That was just bits & bobs, not treasured possessions.. :-(

Shoxfordian · 28/09/2022 23:25

Yeah after the drip feed, the op seems much more reasonable

MsRosley · 29/09/2022 00:18

CakeMonster1 · 28/09/2022 18:49

I had an ok relationship with her, she was very supportive when I was going through a bad time but there's been times when she's not been the parent figure she should have, never in a zillion years would I ever have imagined we would never get our stuff and have to endure so much in trying to get them back and never ever thought she would do this.

She has shown how bitter and twisted she really is.

We always had to try arrange visiting and spending time as we were deemed vulnerable when in the area (huge backstory) so we would hire a car and keep a low profile there. She would always be so lovely and helpful and we fell for the excuses, she clearly lacks honesty and morals. If it was a case of she wanted money to store the stuff I would've paid we even offered to but she offered to store in her garage.
Feeling really low, think it may have to be reported.
It's more the fact that it's not just my things, it's my DH and DSs things, I mean who does that to grandkids.
Well she can grow old and lonely without us, this is the Nail in the coffin.

Yeah, I think this would be the final straw for me too. Fuck her, OP. She sounds absolutely twisted.

BlackberryCat · 29/09/2022 01:08

I understand why it's heartbreaking and I also suspect that she got rid of your stuff a long time ago and that is why she kept putting you off.

I think, if I were you, I'd just draw a line under the whole thing. You won't get your belongings back now.

I would also just block her and move on. As you say, the trust is gone now. She betrayed you and your family. She crossed a line and there's no coming back from that.

makingmiracles · 29/09/2022 02:09

Awful. She has shown you who she really is, take note and act on it.

Nc is the way forward here, take some time to grieve the mother you thought you had and move on as if she never existed.

i went Nc at 16, it’s been 21 yrs now and my life is so much better without her in it. I still feel upset sometimes when I see friends etc with their lovely supportive mums, but she could never have been that, that’s just the way it is.

anyone stealing of my children or myself would be dead to me, what a horrible spiteful bitch discarding your stuff and stealing your sons money Sad

Musti · 29/09/2022 02:31

Your mum sounds completely toxic op xx

Funkyblues101 · 29/09/2022 03:13

CakeMonster1 · 28/09/2022 18:33

Well we haven't really been cooing without it as thought we had lost the bear and money box and contents of it.

We will now never know what else was in the boxes but have a fair idea of other things, but the money box was bought by a very valued friend who is sadly no longer with us. We were gutted we have never been able to find it and it's been extremely frustrating traveling 6 hours each way to visit family and make arrangements to get our belongings which then ends up that we can't and being told 'oh not this time' this has gone in for years, it's really unfair.
Yes we resigned to the fact we may never see our stuff again but now she's admitted it's all gone and she is now refusing to answer messages regarding money box or bear I'm going batshit crazy at the audacity of it all. It wasn't just my stuff it was my husband and children's stuff in those boxes 😢

Sorry needed a rant 😭

Show quote history

6 hours each way isn't a very long journey. From your OP I assumed you'd moved to the Outer Hebs! Plenty of people travel 6 hours home every weekend. If you've only been back a few times I'm not surprised your mother was in a snit with you.

mamabear715 · 29/09/2022 06:18

Sigh.

Original poster
CakeMonster1 · 29/09/2022 06:32

I can't out too much on here for fear it will out me, but just a few bullet points

  • Removal van was supposed to be bigger, but had a mechanical issue so firm brought over a different van, when it arrived it was smaller than the one that was booked and paid for (firm did refund difference) mum was helping with boxes, when some didn't fit she offered FOC to store them.

  • She has no money issues as far as we know as lives in a large house and good income

  • 6 hour drive each way may not sound a lot but when you and DH work full time with two kids it's a long drive!

  • Physically won't break into someone's property don't care who it is as I'm not a criminal and didn't want to be arrested. The first two years were very valid reasons to not get in the garage (got to be careful what I write as will out)

  • When you have four peoples belongings in a van to relocate to another country within UK, then it's easy not to know where stuff is in what boxes

OP posts: