Missing money turned up (very annoyed)

[CakeMonster1]

Just wanting to know if I'm being unreasonable. Pretty sure I'm not, but unsure how to go about it ...

Moved to Scotland with hubby and 2 DC several years ago, we packed almost everything but had to leave a lot of stuff as wouldn't fit in the removal van and car which was devastating tbh, my mother offered to store our remaining boxes in her garage.

We didn't realise what was in the boxes at the time as was so chaotic.

Been back several times (a very very long journey) hoping to sort the stuff out or transport remaining stuff out to bring home.
Whenever we've been, it's always been arranged weeks in advance however when we've arrived we've been unable to get our boxes and stuff due to some problem or another (we cant find the garage key, there's too much stuff in the way so you will have to get it next visit) it's ended up a case of we haven't bothered going and thought what's the point. It's like our belongings are held to ransom.

Anyway, mother's house went up for sale (weren't even told) so last visit which was arranged she had out everything in secure storage with her belongings so we couldn't get our stuff. She didn't have the decency to tell us.

Just last week I sent a message as she never answers the phone saying we will plan a trip there can we arrange for us to get out stuff from storage etc, she replied 'oh I'm visiting Scotland so will bring the stuff up' well she didn't come, but I received a message saying,

'sorted through your stuff, most of it was not much apart from #*"£ (DS) steif bear and a money box from his christening, won't tell you how much was in the money box lol'

Absolutely fuming, so all our stuffs been thrown away/donated to charity as I rang her immediately. The steif bears now back in storage and she just laughed when I asked for the money box back. The money box has sentimental value, not so bothered about the money as the notes probably aren't in circulation but it's besides the point, it's not my money it's DS money. 😡

AIBU - I'm making a fuss about nothing
YANBU - she had no right to do what she did and it's DS money

Tell her to keep the money and put it towards a care home because you won’t be helping out the nasty old bag.

It was in her mother's garage for years. If the op really wanted it, she'd have found a way to get into the garage. It's not that difficult.

Have you even bothered to read my post?

She offered to store it, I didn't say it wasn't of value as didn't know what was in the boxes, we drive 6 hours each way to retrieve said boxes several times a year over several years each time to be fobbed off and NOT allowed to get the boxes.

Junk? Are you for fucking real? You have no idea why we moved, we moved due to keeping our children from violence, we left last minute without many knowing where we were heading, with a van that was crammed to the roof and a car full of our belongings, my mum offered to look after the rest, sorry I didn't have time to number and itemise everything, I returned within weeks to collect said boxes, so please don't assume.

Some people have really good relationships with the DM and can't imagine their own mother doing anything like this. I don't have that problem unfortunately. My own mother would have looked through the stuff before storing and noted anything of interest/value, is it possible she did this and made you getting the stuff difficult in case you noticed anything missing? She sounds awful tbh.

Time to report to the police and exit from your mother’s drama, OP. Trust your feelings that her treatment of you and your family is totally unreasonable and that she obviously doesn’t value any of you. It’s very sad, I’m sorry you’ve been going through this.

I understand what has been said. Perhaps I have more imagination than you in how to get my precious belongings back. Say the op had left a Rolls Royce in her mother's garage. Do you think she'd have just left it to rust away for several years? Or do you think she'd have got it out of the garage?

Sorry op but you sound infuriating. You should have demanded your belongings back earlier instead of constantly accepting excuses. How has it gotten to the stage where she’s put your things in storage and sold it on? You may be based far away but you were way too passive in this situation. You could have hired your own movers and storage. To me, it’s clear your mum was hiding your belongings from you. It’s actually something you could have gone to the police or court about - I am NOT suggesting getting into legal disputes with family, but merely trying to highlight the seriousness of the situation here.

your mum is awful, but you let her get away with too much

Your Mum sounds horrible and it sounds like she deliberately prevented you from collecting your belongs so that she had some level of control over your relationship.

Have you an easy that easy controlling and abusive?

I'm sorry you had to move so suddenly in difficult circumstances OP. I hope the last couple of years have been better for you.

"And your a bitter old bitch - put the money towards your care home as I certainly won't be looking after you." That's what I'd reply. That my friend is no mother.

I had an ok relationship with her, she was very supportive when I was going through a bad time but there's been times when she's not been the parent figure she should have, never in a zillion years would I ever have imagined we would never get our stuff and have to endure so much in trying to get them back and never ever thought she would do this.

She has shown how bitter and twisted she really is.

We always had to try arrange visiting and spending time as we were deemed vulnerable when in the area (huge backstory) so we would hire a car and keep a low profile there. She would always be so lovely and helpful and we fell for the excuses, she clearly lacks honesty and morals. If it was a case of she wanted money to store the stuff I would've paid we even offered to but she offered to store in her garage.
Feeling really low, think it may have to be reported.
It's more the fact that it's not just my things, it's my DH and DSs things, I mean who does that to grandkids.
Well she can grow old and lonely without us, this is the Nail in the coffin.

Notes can always be exchanged generally at your bank post office or the Bank of England bank in London
Ive changed up the previous previous old paper money this year at my post office that my late parents had

Thank you to the majority that had such nice understanding comments, I really appreciate it. I don't feel alone.

To the small minority who feel I'm infuriating and didn't do enough, unless you've ever been in the situation you clearly have no idea. I can't break into someone's property to get my own stuff back, I didn't have a crystal ball, I trusted my mother and believed her excuses, yes I'm a pushover and trust me knowing that hurts.

Seriously you've lost all perspective on this. By your own words, she was supportive, she helped you flee violence, she is always lovely and helpful when you visit.
She isn't 'bitter and twisted'.
This may be hard to hear but you didn't prioritise getting those boxes. You could have stayed until you got them. You could have volunteered to help move the other boxes. Instead, you've left them there for years.
Is your DH giving you grief about this or has your mum's move stirred up emotions from your past? Because your response is not in keeping with what's happened here.

If I had travelled for 6 hours to collect my belongings that were locked in a garage, I would have forced the lock!

sorry if my post was blunt but it really reads as if your mum accepted your belongings then rooted through it all, took anything valuable or got rid of it - hence why she constantly refused to let you access it. Covering up what she really did with it all.

At the time where she said there’s things blocking the way, I would have offered to move her stuff out the way to access my stuff. And when it became clear you were wasting your time visiting, I would have confronted her. But I understand you went through a stressful situation and cba. Call citizen’s advice tomorrow and see if you have any legal recourse?

my understanding is that your mum cannot dispose of your belongings without making it available for you to collect and giving you reasonable notice of disposal. If she sold your belongings, she’s supposed to give you that money (minus any fees she incurred for storage?). Someone can correct me if im
wrong though

We did offer to help move the stuff, also when the lock couldn't be opened I offered to pay a locksmith but she refused, when she said the garage was full, we offered to help. We tried anything possible. We even joked to her that she must be storing a dead body as she was adamant we weren't going in. I should've realised we weren't ever getting it back.

Looking back I was an absolute mug, but never ever thought it would turn out like this.

It would be difficult to prove she sold/disposed of anything of value @200degrees - OP doesn't know what was in any of the boxes and it's been so long she would have trouble remembering anything that was missing when they finally got into their new home.

The Stieff bear she has admitted to, and the moneybox - God alone knows how much money was in the box - anything else them can claim was rubbish/mildewed acc - though it still isn't her call to make to throw it out or otherwise dispose of it.

I'm so sorry, @CakeMonster1 - I couldn't see a relationship surviving this sort of betrayal.

Looking back I was an absolute mug, but never ever thought it would turn out like this.

Not at all - you trusted your mother. She has behaved appallingly!

And for those saying you should have done X, Y or Z - do they think you could break into her home? Or smash your way into her garage? Or grab her by the throat and threaten her until she let you take your stuff? Of course you couldn't!

But you didn't need to break into the property because your mum said that there was stuff in the way to you accessing it so she wasn't saying there wasn't a key. You could just have asked to see and when she'd opened the garage, you could have cheerfully moved her stuff to access yours.

It's nothing to do with trusting your mother or being a pushover, it's just the impracticality of taking transport all the very long, long way down there several times and then leaving without your stuff. I love my mum very much and she has never done me wrong, but sometimes she doesn't want me to do prearranged because it's inconvenient for her but I overrule her because otherwise I've wasted my time going.

Whilst your mother sounds awful, if you didn't know what was in the boxes how did you know which to take & which to leave?

Whose fault was it that the removal van wasn't big enough?

Ur right. She's only admitted to the bear and money box and just laughed saying I would never know what was in it, she knows it was DS money box, probably pretty full, never in a million years guess what could have been in it. I did ask for it back but doesn't look like will see the stuff again.

She said it was all just rubbish that was in the rest of the boxes but we know it wasn't but clearly can't provide evidence nor list of items as genuinely don't know but I know I didn't pack rubbish. I have an idea what else may have been in with the bear.

Think maybe it's time to cut our losses and cut her out of our lives completely as no coming back from this. The trust has gone.

I don't understand how you can't know what was in the boxes. You knew what was in the boxes you had in Scotland, so obviously everything else you had was in the other boxes, so you could work out what was at your mum's. If you couldn't figure that out or miss it during the years you were without it, maybe she was right that it wasn't anything worth keeping. I'm another baffled that you'd put up with her excuses for years after repeatedly going there to get your items, but you've accepted you've been a mug and so the only constructive thing is to be tougher in future and listen to your gut. If you want a locksmith (or whatever the equivalent instinct is in future scenarios, get one and don't be fobbed off.

Take her to small claims. List as much as you can think might have been there. She might shit herself and give it back.

So you think it's ok for her mother to sell/donate the things she's avoided giving back and keep the child's money?