To find it hard to feel sympathy for certain scam “victims”?

[MayThe4th]

I’m not talking about those who are taken in by bogus calls from HMRC, or their bank, or PayPal or Royal Mail and the list goes on. In Theory we should all know the signs and be aware, but it’s easy to see how some people can be taken in.

But I’m talking about those people who give hundreds of thousands to 419 scammers, or to scammers for winnings of a lottery they never entered. There was an article the other day about someone who fell for a bitcoin scam and within half an hour he had been scammed out of £400k.

I watched the tinder swindler on netflix and all I could think was wtf! I mean it would be one thing giving this man money, but these women went into debt for him.

And I can’t help but think that so many people fall for these kinds of scams purely out of greed.

They believe they will make the millions, they hope the bitcoin will pay off, the women in the tinder swindler were dazzled by the lifestyle.

If my husband spent the cost of my house transferring money to a Nigerian bank account it would be grounds for divorce.

IMO these kinds of “victims” aren’t the same as real victims of scams, the people who are prayed on by lowlife who rely on someone’s fear they will be arrested for not paying their taxes, or fearing their bank account has been hacked.

The 419 and tinder swindler scam victims aren’t really victims, they’re led by greed, and are prepared to lose whatever they have to to get what they want.

I see where you’re coming from but at the same time desperate people do desperate things.

I really need about £5k right now. I need a mobility scooter, an electric bed that can lift up at the head. My son really needs a new bed and we all need clothes.

If I was a bit simple, I would probably fall for some of these. But I know there’s no such thing as free money unfortunately

It's not just you. There's a programme on BBC One in the morning called For Love Or Money (I think) and can't understand why people would give away so much money to people they don't know. I mean, if a random person came up to you in the street, you wouldn't give away that much money.

It's an unpopular opinion Op, but I do kind of agree with you.

desperate people do desperate things

This. I think some scam victims are in such dire straits that they take any chance they can.

The tinder swindlers “victims” were gold diggers
I remember watching it and laughing at how stupid the women were. And then to rack up so much debt on these “rich” blokes 😂

I must admit I was in awe of Anna lol and the follow up on Disney/discovery was amazing.

i have been desperate and homeless but was always taught there’s no such thing as free and if it seems too good to be true then it’s a load of bollocks. And yes I have been prayed on by similar blokes to the tinder swindlers and told them to sell their stuff. It what pawn shops are for

I have family who complete every clickbait phishing question on Facebook - you know the type, ones that are gathering your personal info:

"Name the last Band T Shirt you wore"
"What was your favourite holiday"
"What was your first car"
"Do you remember your childhood telephone number"

ad infinitum.

Funny old thing, these are the same people who are constantly being "hacked" and having to change their account details.

I've stopped telling them, just wasting my breath, I don't even roll my eyes any more.

I have seen that "for love or money" programme and the amount people part with is mind boggling. Thousands of pounds, tens of thousands of pounds for some person they have never met. Always the same story, usually a 45+ woman, joins dating site, is approached by an American/Canadian military widower, working in the Middle East/Asia, who needs her to send money to get his pay released. And she does.

Usually the presenters, who aren't exactly top criminal brains, find very shoddily forged passports or contracts sent as evidence which anyone with half a brain would spot are fake. Lots of "American military widowers" with mobile numbers in Nigeria and west African accents. Stolen photographs.

And even when confronted with all the evidence the BBC puts together, many of them still won't believe their "boyfriend" is actually probably 10 different men all working together in Nigeria/Ghana.

Feel so sorry but completely amazed by these women (and men) giving thousands to romance scammers. I can never imagine being so desperate for love you can't see through this, but apparently the psychology behind the way the scammers work is very successful.

I agree.
They're either naïve or greedy.
I can never understand people giving money away so easily.
I also can't understand those women who fall for the flannel of a waiter young enough to be her son when she's on holiday, then act all surprised that he either buggers off before the wedding cake has even been cut, or they find he already has a wife and family and he hasn't been sending her money to his sick mother for an operation after all.
Usually found telling their stories in magazines.
I was feeling fat and frumpy when my best mate Linda suggested a week in Turkey to cheer me up.
We had only drank twenty darquiries when I noticed his chocolate brown eyes admiring me. The next thing I was in his masculine arms.
Marry me, my little cherry pip, breathed Stavros as we watched the sunset.
Yes, I squealed.
Now I'm broke and living in a tent in a field after Stavros disappeared with my life savings, my house and its contents.
Followed by a picture of a sad looking woman entitled ..Me now.

I once heard that scamming works by preying on a want: the desire for love, money, just to avoid trouble...

Some scams are more understandable than others, like exploiting a current scheme to confuse people into a vulnerable position. Others like laundering money for Nigerian princes are fairly mindboggling, but not all people are intelligent, analytical and sound of mind, and even people that are can have weak moments.

Wow!

Amazing lack of empathy. I can only wonder at the lack of self esteem and the neediness that lead women to give up so much for a dream of love. Some of the older women that fall in love with twenty year old young men and believe their stories I have much less sympathy for. That seems predatory more than lonely.

The Tindler Swindler women were all successful in their own right. I thought they fell in love with him and it's not that surprising given we're conditioned to believe in the big romance to our detriment (some day my Prince will come bollocks).

Those women who claimed they were victims of the tinder swindler bhahahhaa

No they weren't

They were just being incredibly naive. And pretty dumb really

There was (I don't think I've seen him on here) someone on a few forums I used to post on who'd ask questions like this. He got banned on a few forums for it and would just keep coming back again and again.

You're all heart, OP.

People can be naive, silly, easily led, foolish. It doesn't mean they are not deserving of sympathy when a fraudster takes advantage of them.

It isn't only clever people who deserve compassion. You're just unkind.

The romance ones always puzzle me - often they are educated women with good jobs etc.

A memorable one was a woman who was engaged to be married to someone who had inherited a big house in Paddington, it was all long and complicated, and ended in tears for her (not sure if she lost money) all over someone she never actually met!

I think these scams show that scammers are good at telling people what they need/ desperately want to hear. Like, this sounds harsh, and I’m definitely not in diamond billionaire league either, but none of the tinder swindler victims were in the league of who a diamond billionaire would be dating- he definitely wouldn’t be on dating apps. But those women wanted to believe they were that league- i mean, who wouldn’t? And yes, the possibility of this exciting, glamorous life was probably very appealing. We’re they gold diggers? I feel that’s a bit harsh- he was also very charming and pretty good looking- he wasn’t a fat old diamond billionaire 🤣

there’s a lot of research about how people think in stories/ narratives and our subconscious discards facts or observations that don’t fit that narrative. I think love scams are evidence of this.

I do feel sorry for anyone who falls for a scam and has their money taken, however it happens, even if they willingly transfer their cash. They didn't ask to be scammed, they are just foolish and naive.
On the other hand people need to be more aware not to click on links and hand over their personal details or account details to anyone.
Their will be a lot of scams going round soon asking you to provide account details to get the £400 energy bill refund, and their will be people who click on these links.
Their needs to be more education in general. Do not click on links in texts and emails asking for your details from any company you have not initiated contact with, even then check the real website first

Oh don’t be so disingenuous. So you’d feel compassion for your husband if he paid all your savings into a Nigerian prince’s bank account then? No didn’t think so.

@Londongent and then there’s me refusing to click on the fedex link to pay the import duty ( because, duh, clearly a scam and I’m not that stupid) while at the same time thinking that that parcel from the US really should have arrived by now 🤣

Sounds like you had initiated contact with them before then...

I always assumed a lot of the bad decisions being made were by vulnerable people. Those with addiction issues, those with low intellect or those in their twilight years who were troubled with the beginning of dementia. I will absolutely always feel sorry for those victims.

I know someone whose son has conned loads of women by inventing a fictitious life. He has told them his mother died and left him loads of money, has borrowed money from them left right and centre and has several of them on the go at once.

And the most bizarre thing aside from them giving him money, is the fact that they all know about each other, know that he’s a compulsive liar, and yet they all stay with him. Why?

@MayThe4th no- I’d be pissed off but I think there’s a big difference between “ hello I am duke Jeffrey of Lagos. Please send 5k to get a share of my late mother’s inheritance” and love scams which are more targeted/ patient/ sophisticated.

my nanny unfortunately fell for a love scam. Fortunately I found out before she lost too much money but while it was frustrating, her circumstances meant that I understand why she fell for it- she desperately wanted to believe it. I think she was more upset that it wasn’t real than about the money. She was devastated.

Omg I was watching this one day last week and couldn't get over that one of the women sold her house (way under market value too) to send money to her "boyfriend", the bank even flagged it as fraud/scam and made her speak to the police about her withdrawing such large amounts of money but she was so convinced she lied about what/who it was for! Absolutely crazy.