To find it hard to feel sympathy for certain scam “victims”?

[MayThe4th]

I’m not talking about those who are taken in by bogus calls from HMRC, or their bank, or PayPal or Royal Mail and the list goes on. In Theory we should all know the signs and be aware, but it’s easy to see how some people can be taken in.

But I’m talking about those people who give hundreds of thousands to 419 scammers, or to scammers for winnings of a lottery they never entered. There was an article the other day about someone who fell for a bitcoin scam and within half an hour he had been scammed out of £400k.

I watched the tinder swindler on netflix and all I could think was wtf! I mean it would be one thing giving this man money, but these women went into debt for him.

And I can’t help but think that so many people fall for these kinds of scams purely out of greed.

They believe they will make the millions, they hope the bitcoin will pay off, the women in the tinder swindler were dazzled by the lifestyle.

If my husband spent the cost of my house transferring money to a Nigerian bank account it would be grounds for divorce.

IMO these kinds of “victims” aren’t the same as real victims of scams, the people who are prayed on by lowlife who rely on someone’s fear they will be arrested for not paying their taxes, or fearing their bank account has been hacked.

The 419 and tinder swindler scam victims aren’t really victims, they’re led by greed, and are prepared to lose whatever they have to to get what they want.

I had a very intelligent client get taken in for millions by a very elaborate targeted scam. I feel sorry for him, the scammers were incredibly sophisticated. I also have lots of sympathy for those less tech savvy and vulnerable taken in by text scams or pressure calls.

I have less sympathy for the romance scams especially those with children who give their savings to a romantic partner

I used to think the same until one day I nearly got sucked into a low level scam. I have a good education, work in a professional role and I figured I was wise to this stuff but I was amazed at how easily I was nearly taken in.

Basically, my Facebook account got hacked and Facebook wasn't responding to my messages so I put a message on Twitter and asked if anyone knew of another way to get the issue resolved. One of my Twitter followers (who I didn't know/never chatted with before) sent me a DM to say their friend works in this field and would definitely be able to help. They gave me an Instagram name so I messaged this 'friend'. 'The friend' replied straight away to say he could help, would need a screenshot of the Facebook name/account and his standard fee was £50.

I ended up chatting back and forth with him, fully believing he could help and it wasn't until he asked for the £50 to be sent via western Union, that I suddenly realised I was being scammed!

Thankfully I didn't give him any personal info (or money) and I immediately blocked him. He then used another account to message me to demand the £50 as he'd apparently already done the work. Not a chance mate!

But the point is, for 20 or so minutes, I fell for it and it was because I wanted a fix so badly, that I bypassed my own internal warning system.

To be honest, I don't understand how people can get to the point of giving tens of thousands of pounds away but I DO understand now that it's very easy to get sucked in. Given the right circumstances and 'story', I think most people could be tricked in some way.

By the way, later discovered that the Twitter follower who suggested their 'friend' was actually the same person I spoke to on Instagram. 😳

I always assumed a lot of the bad decisions being made were by vulnerable people

So did I, but then I wised up and came to realise that many only develop a narrative of vulnerability after they've been caught out

It's not as if there's any lack of information about various scams, and even those still unsure can access advice, but countless stories confirm that even the direst warnings are roundly ignored because the target knows better

Certainly it's a shame, but there's only so much can be done to protect people against themselves and not everything can have a happy ending

“They took everything from me”
No they didn’t, you gave it to them.

Even the ones that seem plausible are so frustrating. Along the lines of the Royal Mail click this link to pay a redelivery fee one. My MIL keeps falling for them despite us constantly explaining why you shouldn't click on links, provide passwords or make payments.
The latest one she fell for was the WhatsApp message saying hi mum I've lost my phone, on my friends number save this one etc. I asked why on earth her children who are both married and live within 5 minutes of her would send her messages from a friends phone rather than their spouse (whose numbers she knows) or just pop round and see her.
She just doesn't stop to think whether it's genuine or could be a scam.

As I posted earlier, my grandad was badly ripped off by a much younger woman he was “engaged” to. He was bipolar (untreated) and in his mid 80s. His wife was a long time gone and his son had just died. I would imagine he was lonely and when he met this woman and she showed an interest in him he was probably flattered. I don’t know why it didn’t seem to occur to him why a young attractive woman wanted to be with an elderly man. He made a bad decision for selfish reasons but she targeted and manipulated him. He lost most of his life savings, his kids lost their inheritance. Legally nothing could be done. It devastated him and he died shortly afterwards.
I don’t think most people are lonely either and not to the extent that some elderly people can be. Going to bingo or whatever doesn’t replace a wife or husband.

Posted too soon. Meant to say maybe it is greedy but they don’t deserve the consequences.

This is literally the equivalent of telling a victim of sexual assault that they asked for it by wearing a short skirt

Not really, no, because while it's perfectly reasonable to expect that you shouldn't be attacked just because of a short skirt, the same hardly applies to sending £££££ to someone you've never heard of in the hope you'll collect on a batch of promises of whatever type

These things are used to reset your password, pets name mothers maiden name etc.

Some "victims" need blaming. When you're the "victim" of a scam that hangs on your own greed...when you're giving money to a young woman a third of your age in the hopes of having sex with her...you deserve it.

It's still saying to a victim that they somehow deserved it and there is blame on their part which is never, ever the case.

The person to blame is the scammer. To say someone is scammed because they are "stupid", as has been stated or "greedy" is 100% nonsense.

Typically victims of scams are vulnerable people who are presented with what they see as a lifeline to help with bills, to help their kids out with or whatever.

And even if it is greed, so what? They still don't deserve to have their bank accounts emptied because they fancy a holiday.

It's a dick thing to say and this thread is pretty fucking rotten.

It's really not

And you should be ashamed of yourself for even making th st comparison

Funny how they so often become vulnerable after the fact. That many of these ‘victims’ blame the banks even though they’ve ignored all the warnings the bank have given them and just ploughed on. They expect other people to cover their losses because their greed didn’t pay off.

If I leave a wodge of cash on my garden wall with a note saying please don’t take, it’s my fault when it gets nicked. Sometimes the victim is culpable.

It's still saying to a victim that they somehow deserved it and there is blame on their part which is never, ever the case

Nonsense! Often there is absolutely blame.

There was a case in the money section of some paper last week where a woman had transferred money to an "investment firm" that promised her outrageous returns. Her bank flagged it repeatedly and told her not to trans fer and that it was a clear scam. She insisted on doing it anyway. And then eventually tried to claim it back from the bank!

How is there no blame attached there? How is there no blame for the sleaxy old man giving a young one money in the hopes of shagging her?

Cop yourself on. This idea that everyone is a blameles victim is pathetic, and counter productive. IF you tell these people it was not at all their fault, what do they learn?

There had to be a line somewhere where we expect NT adults to take responsibility for their own actions. The state can’t absolve everyone of thinking critically.

Many victims of these scams are lacking critical thinking skills; many posters on this thread are lacking empathy and compassion. I’m trying hard not to be judgemental because we can’t choose what skills we get.

It's easy to laugh but one day I'll be old and senile too, and find techonology incomprehensible. Never be a hostage to fortune.

We're not talking about the old and senile though

A PP suggested that victims of these scams are all stupid. There are some very intelligent, professional people getting taken in, but they need to seriously wonder why a very attractive man/woman decades younger than them would be interested in them.

Exactly. Also I think that too high esteem must be to blame sometimes. I watched a true crime thing in which a very ordinary mid-west woman of 60 met online a handsome younger top heart consultant with a big ranch who wanted to marry her after a few virtual dates. (Guess what - the person behind the screen was no such thing.) People must be so conceited to believe that they can punch so far above their weight. In real life the power of personality might overcome all, but online? No way do I, a 50-year-old woman in a Tu hoodie, think I am going to pull a hot millionaire of 40.

@stripeyzeb
I was almost scammed too. Not all scammers just scam, some have day jobs and the scamming is a side hustle. So I get a knock on the door from a roofer foreman around 4pm whose is bona fide doing work across the road on a home a few houses down on my street…saw them working there, had official tradesman van, a uniform being a polo shirt with company logo and black utility trousers, crew, ladders, tool belts. The works.

Anyway, foreman says our company likes to offer free roof inspections in the local area when we’re finishing up a job before we go home for the day, would you like your roof inspected? I say, Sure why not? So he sends a few men scurry up ladders. One comes back with a photo on his phone showing there’s a bit of a small hole in my roof. Foreman says, it’s only a half a dozen tiles, although the wood underneath looks rotted from rain damage, so can do the repair for £600. We can schedule you in for a small deposit of say £150? I go “oh dear, but I rent you see so I cannot authorise this, could you send me the photo and a quote and I will send it on to my landlord”. He agrees, I give him my email and they’re throwing the ladders back on the van, and off they go. The email never appears and I can’t remember the company name that was on the van or their shirts. I fret about the roof and how I’d be liable as a tenant for knowing about damage and not reporting it, so I mention it to my landlord and they send a man out to inspect my roof…and guess what there was no damage to the roof at all. The picture I was shown was from some other roof.

If I’d been a home owner…they could have taken a deposit off me. Quite easily.
Now I am vulnerable being disabled in a wheelchair (so no chance I could insist on being allowed up a ladder to see the alleged hole in my roof) and cognitively challenged due to a serious brain injury…but I’m not stupid or greedy.

It's still saying to a victim that they somehow deserved it and there is blame on their part which is never, ever the case what virtue signalling rubbish.

There is a difference between an actual victim, i.e. someone who is genuinely taken in, such as PP’s father who was actually living with a woman who while younger it’s easy to see how he could be taken in, after all you only have to look at threads on here from younger women who do say they’re attracted to older men and should they go for it. And someone who exchanges text messages and probably sexually explicit videos with someone, who never meets them and who then remortgages their house to help them out, even though they’ve never met them in person.

As for the people who give money to Nigerian 419 scammers, no they’re absolutely not victims, although they like to play the victim card when they’re conned. They’re greedy fuckers whose greed gets the better of them.

If my dh gave money to a Nigerian 419 scammer I wouldn’t sympathise with him, I’d divorce him.

It really is. Posters on this thread should be ashamed at themselves for being victim blaming twats - the claims that it's only "stupid" or "greedy" people who get caught by these things are fucking laughably wrong.

I've been scammed a few times (the most was for close £20,000 and I'm not rich. Just stupid it would seem ☹️).

You don't need to feel sorry for me, but equally please don't judge what you don't understand.

And it's not nice feeling so stupid and ignorant and ashamed on top of the money you may have lost, and feeling violated as if you've been willingly burgled.

Those women who give money to men they meet on holidays deserve everything they get, do they never look in the mirror and think why would a young handsome waiter want a wrinkley middle aged women when he is surrounded by beautyful young girls