Hi guys. So my FiL lives in America and has decided to get married early May 2023. I am currently 38 weeks pregnant with my 1st child. He has asked us to travel over for the wedding with our what will be 6 month old son so that they can meet him. My issue is..that it's a 20 hour 3 flight journey to where they live with a 6 month old as first time parents. We also live paycheck to paycheck, especially with the current cost of living crisis and the flights alone would cost us over £2000 which we really don't have. I am also adding my annual leave onto the end of my mat leave to give me a bit longer at home with the baby, which takes me back to work 2 weeks before the wedding leaving me no leave for the wedding itself.
My FiLs solution to all this is that we take a loan for the flights and I request unpaid leave for the wedding. He is insistent that we attend and won't take no for an answer.
We have never met or even spoken to the lady he is marrying, but he keeps referring to her family as my sons great grandma etc...which I also don't agree with. But FiL is trying to make me feel guilty by saying her family will be disappointed if they don't meet my son at the wedding.
AIBU is saying I won't even consider attending. The way i see it is that it was his choice to move to America 10 years ago, not ours. It's just not viable and I don't feel comfortable travelling that far for that long with a 6 month old. My husband is a real people pleaser (as am i tbf and i feel really guilty) and he feels bad about letting his Dad down, which I totally understand, but I'm having to put my foot down and say we just can't do it. I feel so stressed about the whole situation, I've had a rough pregnancy with morning sickness, SPD and gestational diabetes and this is just adding to the stress with 2 weeks to go to my due date!
What would you guys do please?