Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have been annoyed at bloke in sports shop for telling off my son?

238 replies

NoJokeBoak · 25/09/2022 22:23

Our sports shop has a gaming section now (makes no sense to me either!) separate to Sports shop apparently but no real separation physically.

I was stood looking at games and a worker approached and said to DS (who is 10) "Don't do that, you can't just leave things here, this is a separate part of the shop. You can't dump things here. That's not nice!"

It was a really condescending tone, really 'super nannyish'

I asked what was happening and he said DS had put a Nike bag on a hook with gaming items on and it didn't belong there.

I asked him to direct any issues to me and I will be the one to tell my son off, not him, he had no right to.

He huffed and walked off. I asked DS what happened and why did he have a Nike bag and why did he hang it up in the games section.

He said he didn't bring the bag over, it was hung up there already and it got knocked off by a lady going passed with a buggy, so he was just putting it back rather than leaving it on the floor.

On hearing that he was just trying to be helpful I went back to the worker who was laughing with his mate and calling me a Karen!! I explained to him that DS hadn't brought the bag into his section, he was simply picking it up off the floor after it had gotten knocked off from there.

He just kept saying its a different section and the bag didn't belong there.

I just left as he wasn't listening to me at all and I was annoyed at being called a Karen for standing up for my son.

WIBU to email HO, I got his name but does that actually make me a Karen if I complain 😐

OP posts:
SavoirFlair · 26/09/2022 09:00

Weefreetiffany · 26/09/2022 08:55

@SavoirFlair oh dear. Perhaps I can suggest, politely and with a smile, that you Google “self-awareness”

The worker’s behaviour was unprofessional and misogynistic. No amount of “perfect” behaviour from her would have changed his behaviour or assumptions and it’s wrong to say that women must behave a certain way to get basic human decency or respect. It’s internalised misogyny to think so and to think you would’ve got a different response because you’re “better behaved”.

it’s wrong to say that women must behave a certain way to get basic human decency or respect.

that’s not what I said…

The shop worker began the exchange with aggression and assumption. But does that mean we have to go all “right that’s it!” On them? no.

I have got where I’ve got in life because I don’t always lash out when I’m entitled to, and I manage situations based on what I know gets the best out of people.

Being a woman isn’t some long laundry list of rights, and perceived wrongs!

It’s internalised misogyny to think so and to think you would’ve got a different response because you’re “better behaved”.

The shop worker was wrong. He was an entitled male.

but yeah I would have got a different response….. because I don’t need to verbally admonish everyone who gets something wrong, one male at a time.

Mumsgirls · 26/09/2022 09:01

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

latetothefisting · 26/09/2022 09:01

Having worked in retail, moving stuff from where customers have left it in the wrong place is a standard part of the job and not something a staff member should be telling a customer off for!

I would hazard a guess that he wouldn't have told your ds off if he was a big rugby playing 18 year old!
Plus then moaning about you within earshot is incredibly bad customer service- again it was normal to have an eye roll about customers but in private, not in front of them/other customers!

deedledeedledum · 26/09/2022 09:03

You seem upset about 2 separate things. A) that your son was blamed for something he didn't do and B) your son was told off by another adult.
We get the blame for things we didn't do all the time. Sometimes it's worth fighting over. Often it's not. This was such a small issue it really wasn't worth it.
In terms of being told off though, it is completely reasonable for an adult to tell off your 20 year old had he been caught doing something wrong. You were upset about that before you discovered the misunderstanding. You were upset at the telling off full stop. For this YABVVU
The only reasonable complaint you have may be the condescending manner and the unprofessional gossiping between staff.

FurAndFeathers · 26/09/2022 09:04

Marchitectmummy · 26/09/2022 07:22

Why wasn't you with your child and aware of what it was doing? If you aren't then yes others need to parent your child.

You didn’t actually read the OP did you @Marchitectmummy ?

Georgeandzippyzoo · 26/09/2022 09:07

NoJokeBoak · 25/09/2022 22:33

But he didn't do it.

The worker was wrong in the first place. How can he be right for telling him off for something he didn't do 🤔

Show quote history

But you berated the staff member BEFORE you knew your son hadn't done it. For THAT you ABU.
Had you said 'whats the issue' and then asked your son instead of immediately telling him only you can tell DS off then you would not have BU.
Regardless of this he should not have been calling/laughing at you on the shop floor. That is totally unacceptabl

SavoirFlair · 26/09/2022 09:11

But you berated the staff member BEFORE you knew your son hadn't done it. For THAT you ABU.
Had you said 'whats the issue' and then asked your son instead of immediately telling him only you can tell DS off then you would not have BU.

This is so well put and is exactly my point around the entitlement of some people today, thinking that their DCs are above reproach and no lowly shop worker can ever admonish them

BatteryPoweredMammy · 26/09/2022 09:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MissMaple82 · 26/09/2022 09:27

What happened to just saying "oh sorry about that". Why do you need to argue everything? If your son did something wrong, or they thought he did something wrong they should tell him without the parents getting all angry and defensive at theor precious boy being told off!

SirChenjins · 26/09/2022 09:29

MissMaple82 · 26/09/2022 09:27

What happened to just saying "oh sorry about that". Why do you need to argue everything? If your son did something wrong, or they thought he did something wrong they should tell him without the parents getting all angry and defensive at theor precious boy being told off!

Why should the OP say sorry - neither she nor her son did anything wrong.

Mollysocks · 26/09/2022 09:30

All this teaches OPs son is that doing the right thing and picking up after someone gets you told off. He’ll probably leave it next time and not bother.

MissMaple82 · 26/09/2022 09:31

FrangipaniBlue · 25/09/2022 22:58

They’re both Karen, it’s not about the persons sex it’s the entitled behaviour and childish meltdown that’s follows when they don’t get their way. Clearly mumsnet has no idea what a Karen actually is

Neither do you. You are so very very wrong.

Not wrong at all. It nothing to do with a person's sex.

nowaynotnownotever · 26/09/2022 09:34

Yeah complain about the sexist twit

Mollysocks · 26/09/2022 09:34

What happened to just saying "oh sorry about that". Why do you need to argue everything?

This used to be me. As a young woman I was so socialised to apologise for everything and to everyone regardless of fault that it effected my self esteem and ability to stand up for myself.

There’s no way now I would apologise for something I didn’t do.

ThatGirlInACountrySong · 26/09/2022 09:34

Supervise your kid closer?

ThatGirlInACountrySong · 26/09/2022 09:35

JessesMum777888 · 25/09/2022 22:44

This is why we have a generation of wet wipe children.

Isn't it just!

MissMaple82 · 26/09/2022 09:35

TimeForTeaAndG · 25/09/2022 23:28

Can you imagine if retail workers started giving everyone into trouble for putting items down in the wrong place?! It's literally part of the job to keep the shop tidy because things get moved, looked at, knocked over etc.

But because it's a young boy (and whoever said the OP doesn't know what happened, I'm sure OP knows whether their son is likely to be telling the truth or not) the shop assistant was in the right? Naaaah. Shop assistant was very much in the wrong. At the most, having worked in retail, if he'd noticed the bag being put in the wrong place he should have said "oh I'll take that back for you" and removed the bag from the incorrect place.

Clearly you've never worked in retail with that attitude! I worked in clarks for many years, we absolutely did have the right to tell people who thought it was acceptable to come in eating pasties and sausage rolls then fingerings the shoes, and also kids who used the displays as a play area. Managers and bosses would also do the same. Retail staff are not there to tidy up and bow down to ignorant arseholes like yourself!

Mollysocks · 26/09/2022 09:35

ThatGirlInACountrySong · 26/09/2022 09:34

Supervise your kid closer?

Ummm what???

he picked something up that was knocked over by someone else. You’re implying he did something wrong?

MissMaple82 · 26/09/2022 09:38

@TimeForTeaandG and also with that way of looking at it, you probably the type of person that drops litter because it's a "litter pickers job, I'm giving them something to do"

Notanotherwindow · 26/09/2022 09:43

If you aren't supervising your child then the worker had every right to tell him not to do something. If you want to be the only one telling him off then you need to keep him with you. And yeah you kind of were being THAT customer. I'm not surprised they laughed at you tbh.

Mollysocks · 26/09/2022 09:49

Notanotherwindow · 26/09/2022 09:43

If you aren't supervising your child then the worker had every right to tell him not to do something. If you want to be the only one telling him off then you need to keep him with you. And yeah you kind of were being THAT customer. I'm not surprised they laughed at you tbh.

Am I in some parallel universe?

If people actually read the thread you’d realise OP’s son didn’t do anything wrong, he was actually picking up something someone else knocked over.

Why are people not reading the thread and then jumping to assume OP wasn’t supervising their child well enough?

CulturePigeon · 26/09/2022 09:56

Oh my goodness, OP, I haven't read more than a couple of pages, but the number of people not reading your post properly. Comprehension skills...what happened to them?

Yes, definitely take it higher. The stupid shop assistant was literally 'adding insult to injury' here. While he might have had the right to politely request that your son didn't move things around the shop, a) he doesn't sound polite and b) he had totally mistaken the scenario and should have immediately apologised. Laughing at a customer and insulting them is not on.

Definitely complain with time, place and details and demand some kind of reparation. People telling you to get over yourself are helping to create a world where standards of personal interaction become really low.

SirChenjins · 26/09/2022 10:01

MissMaple82 · 26/09/2022 09:35

Clearly you've never worked in retail with that attitude! I worked in clarks for many years, we absolutely did have the right to tell people who thought it was acceptable to come in eating pasties and sausage rolls then fingerings the shoes, and also kids who used the displays as a play area. Managers and bosses would also do the same. Retail staff are not there to tidy up and bow down to ignorant arseholes like yourself!

Show quote history

Everyone knows Clark’s are shit so it’s no wonder you have that attitude.

MajorCarolDanvers · 26/09/2022 10:03

Worker was wrong to tell your son off without establishing the facts

Also wrong for calling you a Karen. I'd speak to a manager about that.

But you were wrong for insisting he couldn't tell your son off

That's how we end op with a snowflake nation

Notanotherwindow · 26/09/2022 10:05

Oh bullshit was he picking it up. I'd believe the adult who saw him leave it there over the 10 year old trying to get out of trouble. If it was there before, the staff would have moved it as they were clearly watching the store to have seen the child put it there.