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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have been annoyed at bloke in sports shop for telling off my son?

238 replies

NoJokeBoak · 25/09/2022 22:23

Our sports shop has a gaming section now (makes no sense to me either!) separate to Sports shop apparently but no real separation physically.

I was stood looking at games and a worker approached and said to DS (who is 10) "Don't do that, you can't just leave things here, this is a separate part of the shop. You can't dump things here. That's not nice!"

It was a really condescending tone, really 'super nannyish'

I asked what was happening and he said DS had put a Nike bag on a hook with gaming items on and it didn't belong there.

I asked him to direct any issues to me and I will be the one to tell my son off, not him, he had no right to.

He huffed and walked off. I asked DS what happened and why did he have a Nike bag and why did he hang it up in the games section.

He said he didn't bring the bag over, it was hung up there already and it got knocked off by a lady going passed with a buggy, so he was just putting it back rather than leaving it on the floor.

On hearing that he was just trying to be helpful I went back to the worker who was laughing with his mate and calling me a Karen!! I explained to him that DS hadn't brought the bag into his section, he was simply picking it up off the floor after it had gotten knocked off from there.

He just kept saying its a different section and the bag didn't belong there.

I just left as he wasn't listening to me at all and I was annoyed at being called a Karen for standing up for my son.

WIBU to email HO, I got his name but does that actually make me a Karen if I complain 😐

OP posts:
WhatNoRaisins · 26/09/2022 07:02

While I don't get why people shouldn't be able to talk to a 10 year old directly this guy sounds like a dick.

madasawethen · 26/09/2022 07:04

Geez just let it go.

OriginalUsername3 · 26/09/2022 07:05

If you hadn't have got involved your son could have just told him "it's not mine, I was just picking it up off the floor " instead you made it a big thing.

orbitalcrisis · 26/09/2022 07:05

The shop workers approach was totally wrong and then rather than apologise he mocks you, complain. Tell them you do not want him to be fired but he needs training in customer service and casual sexism/agism in the work place. The term Karen is far too often being used to shut down legitimate grievances by women of a certain age. It is sexist and ageist and has no place in a modern work environment.

prettylittlethingss · 26/09/2022 07:08

I'd leave it. Chances are nothing will happen. The manager will ask what happened, the staff member will exaggerate the actions of your son and downplay what he did, and it will be shrugged off as you being a 'Karen' the entire time.

Aprilx · 26/09/2022 07:09

I think it is not acceptable for shop staff to call customers names, I have fortunately never come across that before.

Bit I don’t think there was anything wrong with a member of staff telling your son not to put something down where it shouldn’t be, he obviously didn’t know your son was only replacing it. You are making a drama out of absolutely nothing.

SavoirFlair · 26/09/2022 07:15

I’m sorry to go against the grain but I think the shop worker is right and @NoJokeBoak is the textbook definition of a Karen (I’m a woman and I think this term is spot on for certain circumstances).

The Karen term was always about entitlement. That a middle-aged, often middle-class woman, if challenged by anyone in public, has the right to immediately take it into an emotional level of argument because she has seen everything and has a privileged status in life. Anyone who dares challenge her (especially male) is sexist, ageist and in the wrong.

In the case of your OP, the shop worker was wrong. He had mistaken your son’s good deed for a bad action.

However did you expect him to have tracked the original person who made the mistake, then your son’s action? Shop workers are not human CCTV.

he made an error, then challenged your son. You had the option at this point to quietly correct him and close off the discussion.

Getting angry at him for his incorrect assumption is just peak Karen - it’s taking a sledgehammer to something which could have been resolved with a quick correction.

YABU and I’m fully prepared to be flamed. But it’s this “DONT YOU SPEAK TO ME OR MY SON” mentality that makes it so hard for retail workers, train guards, school workers, restaurant servers, or anyone in society to actually manage their spaces. Because the minute they challenge someone, all hell breaks loose and the emotions are taken to 10.

YABU.

MinervaTerrathorn · 26/09/2022 07:19

EmeraldShamrock1 · 26/09/2022 06:45

Yabu.

If he'd have treated your DS like a toddler you'd be annoyed too.

He is 10.

He did talk to him like a toddler. Saying putting something in the wrong place isn't 'nice' is going to be condescending to any school age child!

NotJustAnybody · 26/09/2022 07:19

The correct thing to do would be to inquire whether it was your bag first. You would have said no, he could have then simply removed it. Or it could have prompted him to say I saw your son put it there, whereby you would have asked your son - who would have then said, someone knocked it down and I just hung it back up.
If anyone's a Karen, it's him. How on earth would he cope in Primark! He'd be running around yelling at everyone. It's just part of the job description to keep the store tidy. You don't go around telling customers off.

FurAndFeathers · 26/09/2022 07:20

That a middle-aged, often middle-class woman, if challenged by anyone in public, has the right to immediately take it into an emotional level of argument because she has seen everything and has a privileged status in life.

if you typed that out without recognising the inherent misogyny of your post then I’m not really sure that explaining it will have any impact 🤦‍♀️

Feelingconfused2020 · 26/09/2022 07:22

Calling you a Karen is very wrong and I'd complain about that. Speaking to your son like that was rude as he quite clearly wouldn't have gone to an adult customer and said that.

I'd email and complain he quite clearly needs some retraining on customer service.

Marchitectmummy · 26/09/2022 07:22

Why wasn't you with your child and aware of what it was doing? If you aren't then yes others need to parent your child.

SimonaRazowska · 26/09/2022 07:24

Writing to HQ to try and get the guy sacked is very OTT behaviour

and other people ARE allowed to tell your children off

yes the guy was wrong. But you are being a mega Karen here

berksandbeyond · 26/09/2022 07:28

God how can people have the energy to get so worked up over stuff like this.

The attitude of 'no one can tell my child anything over than me' is partly why so many kids are wee shites nowadays by the way

MinervaTerrathorn · 26/09/2022 07:29

Marchitectmummy · 26/09/2022 07:22

Why wasn't you with your child and aware of what it was doing? If you aren't then yes others need to parent your child.

10 year olds can go in shops alone, they don't need to be watched every second! The child didn't do anything wrong or behave differently to an adult customer so should have been treated the same, an offer to put the bag back for him, not being told off. Different if the child is behaving differently to an adult such as running around the shop.

madasawethen · 26/09/2022 07:38

berksandbeyond · 26/09/2022 07:28

God how can people have the energy to get so worked up over stuff like this.

The attitude of 'no one can tell my child anything over than me' is partly why so many kids are wee shites nowadays by the way

Someone should do a youtube on this. Politely confronting kids and their parents who are being little shites in public.

I'd watch it.

Username91 · 26/09/2022 07:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

So Karen is sexist and offensive but using a vulgar word for a woman’s genitals to insult somebody with is fine and has none of the same connotations? Makes total sense that.

Brideandpredjudice · 26/09/2022 07:44

YABU. Your son is probably lying.

FOJN · 26/09/2022 07:45

Your son wasn't responsible for whatever the staff member accused him of but rather than teach your son how to speak up for himself you want to complain about the member of staff?

The member of staff was rude to call you a Karen (I find it very misogynistic) but TBH it doesn't sound as if you dealt with it very well. If you'd asked your son what happened when the staff member was telling him off it could have been cleared up quite easily.

I wonder if you were defensive because you felt your parenting was being criticised.

SleeplessInEngland · 26/09/2022 07:45

JessesMum777888 · 25/09/2022 22:44

This is why we have a generation of wet wipe children.

I thought we had a generation of knife wielding stabbers. It’s so hard to keep up with the stereotypes.!

America12 · 26/09/2022 07:46

00100001 · 25/09/2022 22:31

YABU.

The worker was allowed to tell your son not to do something he felt was wrong.

Her son didn't do anything

AlwaysMunching · 26/09/2022 07:48

The shop worker got the wrong end of the stick with your son's actions, that's fine. Sounds like an honest mistake.

Calling you names is shit and I'd not be happy at all. I hate the Karen insult though and there's no way it's used for men and women Confused it's sexist and ageist bullshit.

southlondonerhere · 26/09/2022 07:48

@RootinandTootin if it's not about a persons sex then it's very convenient that Karen happens to be a female name and it happens to be used to insult mainly women 🤔

CherieBabySpliffUp · 26/09/2022 07:52

America12 · 26/09/2022 07:46

Her son didn't do anything

Show quote history

He did though. The shop worker saw him put a bag on a shelf/hanger etc in the wrong place.
BUT as many posters have said the shop worker wouldn't have spoken to an adult if he had seen them do so. Also I think referring to the OP as a "Karen" should be challenged, ideally this should have been done at the time in my opinion.

Emailconfirmed · 26/09/2022 07:52

Make you a Karen? Nah.
Are you making a mountain out of a mole hill? Yes. Makes you sound like a right Paul.
Why didn't your son say 'it fell and I was just putting it back'?. This is a non event.
He is 10, not a small child. He is certainly old enough to understand why there was a mix up and communicate said mix up. I would hardly call what the shop keeper said as telling off regardless. He just told him not to do something. He could and should have handled this situation himself, he didn't need his mummy to kick off and make him feel like a victim.
I would however complain He called you a Karen, anyone who uses that is a dick but your reaction was OTT.
My children are younger, they would have explained that it fell and they were just putting it back, most likely they would have accepted that and that whole reaction would have been a non issue. I wouldn't have got involved, kids need to learn how to interact with people.
I would have struggled to take you seriously after that whole reaction too, it did make you look a bit mad!