To think the US tipping culture is completely alien to British people

[Butterflyfluff]

Inspired by a thread about spending money in NYC but it’s what puts me off going to US or Caribbean again.

It seems everything has to be tipped

• All food servers
• Toilet attendants
• Room cleaning each day
• Every drink service, even in an all inclusive hotel
• Meal, even in a buffet where you serve yourself
• Basically anything where someone else is doing something for you

Why is this so ‘expected’?

Fair enough! But it really isn't in practice. Currently living in the States and have tipped exactly once this week (went out to dinner).

You tip at restaurants, housekeeping at a hotel (not all Americans do this), delivery drivers, taxis/Lyfts, and beauty services (e.g. haircut, manicure). In typical American life, you're tipping maybe 4-6 times a month, max.

Finally, it's really not that different than being in the UK. I suppose it's a bit higher, but you tip in restaurants--plenty of places do an 'optional' service charge that isn't. You don't tip pubs, sure, but you always leave something for housekeeping when you visit a hotel (or, though I admit that this makes me sound like a wanker, when you visit someone's house for a weekend party). You also tip for taxi drivers, haircuts, bellboys, etc.

i don’t tip housekeeping, taxi drivers, hairdressers and so on. loads of people don’t. I don’t understand the tipping in someone’s house point at all.

I also find that expectations of tipping in restaurants are often minimal these days. Either the restaurant add a service charge (which I find deeply irritating) or what usually happens is the staff bring the card machine and there’s rarely even the opportunity to go through the tipping steps with contactless. They just put the total on the bill in, show you it and you pay.

I’ve never been to America but we’re planning it in about 5 years. I’m dreading the pressure for tips
because it’s not the fault of the end user that the employer doesn’t pay well enough 🤷‍♀️ Yes, the food might be cheaper, but I’d rather pay more for my food and not have to stress about whether I’m tipping enough. It was bad enough in Turkey where it was constantly expected but the guys were so low paid (and I had no idea if the exchange rate) that I just paid some coins each time and they seemed ok with it.

I've not been to the US for 10 years but always tipped about 15-20% in restaurants, tipped taxi drivers and even the awful man in Las Vegas who snatched our bags as we arrived at the hotel.

I've never even thought of tipping housekeeping though. Not by leaving cash in the room, nor the person who brought towels when we arrived because they hadn't provided enough.

Nor would I expect to tip in AI if we ever did it. Surely AI is sold as being fully budgeted - you pay for everything upfront. No need to worry about spending money.

@FurAndFeathers
It is a myth. I am a chartered accountant of thirty years and kept reading this which I found bizarre. So one day I took it upon myself to research US tax rules. It is absolute nonsense that servers are tipped on expectation of tips, they are indeed taxed on actual tips.

We visit the US a lot, I have never tipped housekeeping or toilet attendants. I tip taxi drivers and servers in restaurants. Just as I would in the UK, although I tend to go for 10% in the UK, this would be a bit low in US.

I never understand how much. I much prefer the British method of 'tip if you like because you liked it' as it's less stressful than trying to work out how much, risking offending someone because of how much and also I just hate all the expectations. I get it's totally a cultural thing though so I'm sure in the us it's just normal.

I don't mind tipping per se, and understand it is required in US. However the percentages seem to be getting higher and higher. When we visited about 8 years ago, 15% seemed standard and 17.5% - 20% for exceptionally good service. Now it seems that 20-30% is required.

Also my US relatives explained you should tip a higher percentage in a top end restaurant, which never makes sense to me as it doesn't take any more effort to open a £50 bottle of wine than a £20 one.

UK appears to be going the same way by showing the amount for. 12.5% tip. Nope simply not doing that amount here when 10% has served for many decades and servers are paid at least minimum wage.

Tipping is just part of American culture. It is what it is. I'm so glad it's not the case over here in the UK though, but when i visit tip around 20% when dining out and ensure i always have small notes for staff at the hotel, bars etc

I went to the US for a friend's wedding. They are an American couple. The day before the wedding I went for a manicure with the bride and her girlfriends. Afterwards, I forgot to tip my manicurist and she came running down the street after me for her tip. That was fine, (I only had large notes on me so she got a good tip in the end!) but what was interesting was the reaction of the women I was with - all of them American. They couldn't believe it. When I expressed how mortified I was, they all said it was a very strange thing for the woman to do and they couldn't understand it.

So in conclusion, I have no idea what I'm supposed to do! And I'm not sure Americans do either!

I wonder how it's all working out since covid caused many people to become cashless. I've never got back into habit of having cash on me.
Are all tips just added to card now, the way there's an option in restaurants?

You don't tip pubs, sure, but you always leave something for housekeeping when you visit a hotel (or, though I admit that this makes me sound like a wanker, when you visit someone's house for a weekend party).

Whoa - hold on - you tip your hosts when you stay at their house? 😲

That would be considered deeply offensive in UK and in many cultures.
Small gift yes but tipping would be considered treating them like staff

For me the issue is the aggression when you either don’t tip or don’t tip enough. A few pp’s have already described that scenario and the same happened to me. I won’t go into the story but I had a valid reason not to tip and the person acted in a very aggressive and intimidating way. That to me is not acceptable, regardless of tipping being the custom. It’s basically using intimidation to get money. That’s not culture, it’s criminal! It’s one of the reasons I wouldn’t go again.

I always tip in london - and I'm British!

Totally agree - the PP was right to say it makes them look a wanker - it really does - so why still do it?

Why just in London?

I’ve lived in the US for twenty years. Twelve percent used used to the the customary tip, but now it’s 20 percent.

That's one thing I never understand: where percentage-based fees increase as well. Surely, as prices go up anyway, with inflation, increasing the additional percentage is just double-dipping, isn't it?!

Am in Ireland and while on minimum wage in a shop it used to drive me nuts when I’d get an average haircut and they’d be waiting for a tip. They were on the same pay as me!

Mad, isn't it? Tipping is basically a method for rich people to keep the poor/ordinary people subservient to them, without the security of a fair agreed wage for fair work; but we now have people on low/average incomes expected to pay extra to people who earn the same - ostensibly as a kind of patronising social chuck-a-fish-to-a-seal thing.

Back to the US, I still fail to see how it isn't effectively mugging when somebody forces a service on to you that you neither needed nor wanted. If it wouldn't be acceptable for an assistant in a shop to arbitrarily add a few extra items to your shopping (especially items that you're unlikely to want/need/use) and add them to your bill, how is it acceptable to charge somebody for a service (often of dubious worth) that they neither requested nor wanted? Same as the squeegee people who catch you at a red light, smear some dirty water across your windscreen and then demand payment.

I can't get over the idea of tipping friends in their own homes, either! Fair enough if you take a gift or offer to contribute a fair share; but just leaving some money on the bedside table to show that they've been a good girl/boy?!?!?!

If you go to Sandals in the Caribbean then tipping is completely banned.

All staff wear a badge saying that they cannot accept tips. If they do they can be sacked.

This does not stop the Americans tipping. It is so embedded in their culture. So you see cash left on the bar after they have been served. It stays there for a while then it disappears by slight of hand by the staff.

You are allowed to tip your maid at the end of your stay or your butler. But that's it.

All staff wear a badge saying that they cannot accept tips. If they do they can be sacked.

That sounds even more demeaning, actually - being in a menial traditional 'tippable' job but then having to advertise to everybody that they still mustn't tip you. Like a sign up at the zoo telling you not to feed the animals.

I have no problem with going with the local custom and tipping- but I worry that in certain cases it wouldn’t even cross my mind to leave a tip and I would cause offence.

I don’t get the angst over tipping. I was in the States earlier this year, I tipped in restaurants where they helpfully worked out 20/25/30%, gave a couple of dollars to housekeeping and otherwise went about my day. I usually tip in restaurants here so no real difference.

Its a different culture but tipping is hardly unusual behaviour. It was more of a pain remembering to add tax tbh.

I hate this. People should just be paid a living wage in the first place and not have to charm others into giving them money so they can afford to live. It's humiliating and unnecessary.

I can assure you that US servers as a group don’t find tipping humiliating or unnecessary. They make far more in tips - 20% of the bill of six or seven covers an hour - than they ever would from a flat hourly minimum wage. Serving and bartending in the US aren’t considered menial unskilled jobs as they are in the UK, largely because a skilled tender or server can make a really good living out of it.