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Original poster

To think 2 is easier than 1?

86 replies

MolliciousIntent · 25/09/2022 16:35

When I had just the one baby, people used to say things along the lines of "if you think it's hard now, wait until you have 2" or "ha, trust me, one baby is easy compared to a baby and a toddler!" I was prepared for it to be really, really difficult. And a bit scared, to be honest.

The reality is SO different to how everyone told me it would be that it's making me feel like a weirdo. I love having two, and to be honest I find it easier than having one. It's like when I just had one, I was focusing all my time and attention on DD1, it was super intense and all-consuming, but now that DD2 is here I'm splitting my focus and everything feels so much less all-encompassing and much less stressful.

Obviously I'm knackered, and the logistics can be a challenge sometimes, but I'm enjoying it so much more than I did when I just had one.

I said this to one of the "just you wait til you have 2" brigade, and she looked at me like I'd grown an extra head. Is it really that weird?

OP posts:
Dipsy12 · 25/09/2022 16:40

I have 2 and I don't identify with this at all. I'm broken

ChocolateElephant · 25/09/2022 16:40

It is 150% harder with 2 (I have much older ones.) Occasionally regret it. They are both lovely though!

SummerBummers · 25/09/2022 16:41

Someone said this to me when my twins were babies “ah it must be easier having two instead of one” I nearly passed out on the spot.

ohidoliketobe · 25/09/2022 16:41

Harder when they're baby/ toddlers. Easier when they're older.

girlmom21 · 25/09/2022 16:41

How old are they? Mine are 1 and 3 and I do find it easier in lots of ways.

girlmom21 · 25/09/2022 16:42

SummerBummers · 25/09/2022 16:41

Someone said this to me when my twins were babies “ah it must be easier having two instead of one” I nearly passed out on the spot.

Yeah two the same age is a scary prospect!

Chubbymcfatfuck · 25/09/2022 16:42

It's one of those things that's different for everyone. One of my dcs would be a nightmare as an only child. Needs constant company. The others would be fine yo potter around on their own.
But then on the rare occasion that there is just one of the dcs home it's very peaceful. And tidier.
So 6 of one, half a dozen of the other.

BaileySharp · 25/09/2022 16:43

Currently pregnant with my 2nd so I hope this will be true for us! DD will be 4 by the time new baby comes, most people who say how hard it is have a smaller age gap I think?

NuffSaidSam · 25/09/2022 16:43

It's going to really depend on your individual situation.

I do think it's true that if you're a very high anxiety first time parent, having a second one can be the push you need to chill out a bit though.

It's also easier if you have two who get along because once they're old enough they will entertain each other. But obviously if you have two who hate each other then it's harder. It's all depends.

Original poster
MolliciousIntent · 25/09/2022 16:44

girlmom21 · 25/09/2022 16:41

How old are they? Mine are 1 and 3 and I do find it easier in lots of ways.

7m and nearly 3. Baby doesn't sleep and toddler is a tiny tyrant, but for some reason I feel so much less stressed and overwhelmed than I did when I just had the one 2yr old. Maybe because I don't have time to obsess over every single tiny detail?

OP posts:
Highfivemum · 25/09/2022 16:44

I found going from one to two hard. But I now have 6 DC and I did find it easier having more. However I think that is down to me and the fact I am more comfortable and relaxed having done it all before.

Tootels · 25/09/2022 16:46

No mine are 10 and 12 now. So calm with just the one. They both want my attention. Argue. Want different foods to eat at tea time etc.

UpToMyElbowsInDiapers · 25/09/2022 16:46

Your first is literally life-changing. Your second is just adding a bit of incremental complexity. I wouldn’t say it’s “easier”, but it certainly isn’t the same shock to the system as your first, in my experience.

Also, now that my DCs are all school aged / toddlers and can play with each other, it’s probably easier than having one DC reliant on me for company all the time.

girlmom21 · 25/09/2022 16:46

@MolliciousIntent you're probably right. I feel much more relaxed with two. I think we put too much pressure on ourselves to be the perfect parent with the first.

ReeseWitherfork · 25/09/2022 16:51

Anyone who makes these sorts of comments are assholes.
When you’re pregnant and you have insomnia and you’re uncomfortable and shattered and people say “wait until you have a newborn” or…
When you have a baby and they’re not sleeping and they’re teething and fussing and people say “wait until they’re a toddler” or…
Generally anytime you moan on the first 13 years and someone points out the teenage years are the hardest.

All asshole behaviour.

But I’m also going to add goady posts about how easy having two is. I don’t think you saying your bit about those annoying assholes is worth making @Dipsy12 feel like utter shit.

namechange202086 · 25/09/2022 16:53

When they are older and can argue/both run away, it can be very hard.

danadas · 25/09/2022 16:53

I found it great when they were babies/pre-schoolers and they played together etc (two years between my eldest). However I found it got harder once at school with different interests and friendship groups and then very hard as teens when they actively despised each other. As young adults they are more settled with each other. One of each sex so I don't know if that made a difference.

As an aside, number three was a piece of piss - big age gap of eight years and loved it.

Redlorryyellowlorryblue · 25/09/2022 17:00

I agree. I find 2 easier than having 1. With 1 I was overwhelmed and it felt all consuming. Having said that going from 0 kids to 1 was really difficult.

I have friends who don’t feel the same way! 😀

jjeoreo · 25/09/2022 17:05

I'm completely with you.

Like everyone else has said I think it's partly down to the parent and child's temperament. I also obsessed over everything with my first and found when I had to drop my standards, I was happier. Also oddly enough relieved the loneliness I felt with the one-on-one dynamic.

My first really had to be taken out twice a day or would be whingey and bored. The second....I can easily spend all day pottering while they help me with chores, etc.

I had the same gap by the sounds of it.

I also think I function better under a slight "siege" mentality- like wow this is so hard, I'm just going to do my best! Rather than wow, surely this should be easier and I should be making the most of every precious second...

Thenosleepclub · 25/09/2022 17:16

Depends on the age of kids. Found baby stage with 2nd one fine, not easier than just having the one, but not twice as hard.

When he was 6-18m it was very hard, pandemic didn't help. Now youngest is over 2 I would agree with you though.
When I just have the little one home I have to do so much more entertaining!

LittleBoPeepHasLostHerShit · 25/09/2022 17:18

When they start playing together... it's the most amazing thing ever. I found it hard to entertain my DD when she was an only, but now she plays with her sister in instead of constantly wanting my attention.

Magn · 25/09/2022 17:27

1 was ok but he was a terror as a toddler +. 2 was the pits for the first 2 years. 3 has been easiest so far. Turns out temperament of child and external factors have way more of an impact than number of kids for me.

Dipsy12 · 25/09/2022 17:32

ReeseWitherfork · 25/09/2022 16:51

Anyone who makes these sorts of comments are assholes.
When you’re pregnant and you have insomnia and you’re uncomfortable and shattered and people say “wait until you have a newborn” or…
When you have a baby and they’re not sleeping and they’re teething and fussing and people say “wait until they’re a toddler” or…
Generally anytime you moan on the first 13 years and someone points out the teenage years are the hardest.

All asshole behaviour.

But I’m also going to add goady posts about how easy having two is. I don’t think you saying your bit about those annoying assholes is worth making @Dipsy12 feel like utter shit.

Thanks @ReeseWitherfork
Have been solo parenting a baby and a 3 year most of the weekend whilst DH is at work so this thread is just a bit close to home for me right now! 🤣

ladygindiva · 25/09/2022 17:35

SummerBummers · 25/09/2022 16:41

Someone said this to me when my twins were babies “ah it must be easier having two instead of one” I nearly passed out on the spot.

Yup , twin mum here, I've nearly punched people in the face for suggesting that.

SleepingStandingUp · 25/09/2022 17:38

SummerBummers · 25/09/2022 16:41

Someone said this to me when my twins were babies “ah it must be easier having two instead of one” I nearly passed out on the spot.

Haha I read the title anved thought "said no twin Mom ever"

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