To think 2 is easier than 1?

[MolliciousIntent]

When I had just the one baby, people used to say things along the lines of "if you think it's hard now, wait until you have 2" or "ha, trust me, one baby is easy compared to a baby and a toddler!" I was prepared for it to be really, really difficult. And a bit scared, to be honest.

The reality is SO different to how everyone told me it would be that it's making me feel like a weirdo. I love having two, and to be honest I find it easier than having one. It's like when I just had one, I was focusing all my time and attention on DD1, it was super intense and all-consuming, but now that DD2 is here I'm splitting my focus and everything feels so much less all-encompassing and much less stressful.

Obviously I'm knackered, and the logistics can be a challenge sometimes, but I'm enjoying it so much more than I did when I just had one.

I said this to one of the "just you wait til you have 2" brigade, and she looked at me like I'd grown an extra head. Is it really that weird?

Just to clarify, definitely not talking about twins! Sorry!

It's 250 harder with two.

Completely agree, but also once you get to three, four ,five and six are a breeze

I found it much easier with two.

Having said that, I suffered with pnd after baby one, which disappeared when I was pregnant with baby 2, and didn't recur so that might have a lot to do with it.

Hmm.. In a way I can see what you mean. I have a 22-month age gap between mine😱 and in some ways it was slightly more enjoyable as I literally didn't have time to think, was just on the go the whole time. Also felt like I had to make more of an effort to get out for the older one, so regular groups etc and got more into a routine.. No chance to stay in and mope!

And now that they're 4 and 6, they do play nicely together and so probably require less input from me on that front?

However, overall, it is definitely more work 🤣 Aside from the doubling of all the physical aspects of childcare, you also have to not only manage your relationship with them, but manage their relationship with each other. Also double the amount of emotional input...

Plus when they get to school, start doing clubs etc, it's all the school admin, reading, homework, ferrying around etc... Even if they both only do two clubs/lessons each, if they're on separate days, that's four different days/nights of the week...

Can I just say, in light of that, I have no idea how someone copes with more than two 🤣

Hmm I have DS 13 and dd 10, DS has been away for the weekend and it was infinitely much easier with one. Only one needing food, one wanting to do stuff.
They never want to do the same stuff, eat the same or be in the same breathing space mainly.
Sorry to burst your bubble but wait until they are both able to express their opinions and then come back to us!

I don't think it's easier but I do think you worry less. There's no time to stress over little things so you just get in with it better knowing the first one survived just fine !!!

I don't think Easier is the right word for me, but 2 is a million times better. More fun, and I love seeing their relationship develop. There is 6 years between my 2 and they are best friends!

n.b. whilst there are some major economies of scale for financially and time wise this is not true of everything and some jobs do scale in a linear fashion e.g. the laundry pile with a household of 6 - 8 people is not what I would call "a breeze"

Yep, I definitely felt less lonely when the second was a baby due to having the older one (who didn't shut up even at 2 🤣) around.

I couldn't agree more with this... ive got 2 and its so much easier than just the 1.... when I've said it out loud before hardly anyone understood.... so glad it's not just me ....

I have 4 and my sister says it’s easier than having one 🤦🏻🤣

Not for expenses admittedly, but the volume means it is always going, I honestly find it easier having everything on the go.

I've got three and to be honest, I find that easier than one. Mine are 2, 5 and 7 and the older two pretty much entertain each other, I very rarely have to provide them with an activity to do as they just make up their own games and also listen to each other's interminably boring stories! The younger one is still a bit little to join in but having another pair of hands is helpful - I can ask my seven year old to pass me the wipes or whatever or keep an eye on her for a second while I go to the loo.

If I ever have one child on their own I find it easier in some ways but more boring and intense in others. I like having a bit of a gang and I feel more able to be their 'mum' rather than just a bigger friend.

I don't like the intensity of one on one interactions in general actually - the hairdressers, taxi rides, a drink with one friend (even a good one) etc are things that I dread. Maybe that's something to do with it?

I think 2 is harder, because when I take one out it always feels easier! Less to remember, easier to chat, no fighting! However, as a pp said I think long term 1 would in some ways be more difficult as then they don’t have a companion to play with - so a parent needs to step up more.

Exactly and they argue back!!

DC2 is due when DC1 will be 2y 3m. Posts like yours make me feel less scared, thank you OP.

I'm a single parent (always have been), mine are now 11 and 5. 100% easier with two.

Some stuff is circumstance (no mental space left to give myself a hard time, plus various reflections on age gaps - and whilst 6 years is not a popular gap on these threads, I've found every stage so far really doable and pleasant), some is specific to the child (DC1 was v high needs from birth, DC2 was gratifyingly easygoing from birth, and basically reassured me that I'm not a failingly neurotic parent who broke my firstborn).

They play together a lot. I am a better referee than primary playmate!

We trundle along really nicely as a household of 3. Going from 1 to 2 was an adjustment for me, going from 2 to 3 was an adjustment for DC1, but we're all good for each other now I think.

18 month age gap. When Ds2 was a baby I was pretty easy tbh..they're 5 and 7 now, abd we've had some tough tines . They do play nicely, but they also wind each other up to hyper levels, fights, argue, annoy each other on purpose. So e days I can't take 2 steps away before they start.

Oh my goodness yes. I’ve got three and going out with one feels akin to a spa day.

I have a baby (5 months) and toddler (2y 9 months).

I think I'm probably finding it easier now than when I had just a 5 month old. I think that's because I'm more confident as a parent, and less bothered if someone misses a nap or throws a ridiculous tantrum or comes down with a cold etc.

Also, when I had just a 5 month old we were in the first lockdown and not having any escape from the baby or any other babies to compare him to made me pretty anxious. OP, our DC are similar ages, maybe that's a factor for you as well?

That said, today my husband took the baby out for a few hours and oh my god it was so easy being just me and the toddler. We played in the garden for a bit, had lunch together and then I put him down for a nap, tidied up and put my feet up for half an hour. When I have both of them I never get a break like that and playing and eating take much longer as both need entertaining and both want my attention 100% of the time in very different ways.

Hoping it will get easier again as they get a bit older and hopefully can entertain each other sometimes.

Weird @8989redballoons my DC are the exact same age, ha

I found it so hard at first, we have a really good routine with DD1 and always have as we just had her to concentrate on, she was a really chilled baby and was happy to play by herself before DD2 came along. DD2 is a whole different ballgame, she requires constant attention and will happily let out a high pitched scream if you aren't looking at or talking to her for 0.2 seconds, she won't just lay on her playmat or sit somewhere whilst I get something done so when I have them both at home, I just never stop. We are in a routine now so it seems easier than it was but I do still think 'wow, what the hell have I done' sometimes. I find it a bit overwhelming and touched out sometimes because I always have either one or both of the kids on me and I don't seem to ever have any personal space

YABVU OP!

The baby side second time round was a doddle, DS2 wasn’t even an easy baby but I just knew what I was doing, relaxed etc.

DS1 is 3 years older, I found it got harder once they reached 5 and 2, and harder again now they’re 6 and 3. They fight, DS2 is very unreasonable and DS1 is a wind up merchant. They didn’t fight when they were 4 and 1, or 3 and a baby. In fact DS1 adored DS2 at those ages.

I’m hoping it might get easier once DS2 is at a more reasonable age…

Oh yeah, the touched out thing is another good point. I feel sorry for my husband as often, once both DC are in bed all I want to do is sleep or have a bath by myself. DH doesn't get a look-in and a couple of times I've had to stop myself from flinching if he tries to give me a cuddle 😳

It's easing up a bit now that I've started combi-feeding the baby so no longer breastfeeding all day long. I never felt like this with just one baby though.