To say that long term marriage

[Bluey124]

Can be easy, fun and that you can stay in love as much as you always were?
This forum can be so depressing at times. We married at 23, still together 14 years later and very happy. Many of our friends are the same and this isn't looking happy for social media either

Is 14 years considered a long marriage? I assumed you were going to say 20 years plus.

We are at 24 years, 3 grown up children, and are still having great fun and adventures together.

Just reached 20 and still having fun

Married 33 years, two grown up kids. Recently back from a short European break, the two of us, counting the months till the next one.
we’re very, very happy.

38 years together here, couldn't imagine being with anyone else. He's the most lovely, funny, caring, loving fella I've ever known. Absolutely adore each other.

20+ years, 2 teens, very happy.

I think a long marriage takes work but if you are with the right person it doesn’t take effort. However, I don’t think marriage is easy, in the sense that you have to be realistic that there will be good and bad times. Sometimes you will annoy the shit out of each other. Sometimes someone will be under stress and behave like a twat etc. and include myself in that.

We’ve been married 22 years and together 26.

It's like anything though - people turn to forums for help when there is an issue.

I'd be surprised if anyone's journey over any long term relationship was all sweetness and roses for 30 odd years. We all go through 'stuff' and that can strain the best of relationships, but I think there are millions of marriages out there where both partners are happy, but it just isn't something you start a thread about.

14 years of marriage isn't very long. I've been married for 42 years. We got together when I was 18, he 19. Got engaged, then lived together for a year. Got married when I was 21. Had 2 sons (both still live very near to us) and we're a very close family. I wouldn't say we were madly in love, but we do love each other and are the best of friends

Been together 33 years, married 22, gets on my wick sometimes, but we have a laugh, similar values,ideas, politics, hobbies.apart from the fact I'm veggie and he hates veg of all kinds. I always say I fell for him because he loves dogs,(and is good in bed) I don't consider 14 years long either.

Now into our 41st year of marriage. Two grown up children. I was 21 when we married, two years after we met; he was 27. It could all have gone horribly wrong, given how very young and inexperienced I was, but it didn't, and I can't imagine life without him. He is just perfect for me. I feel very lucky.

My parents have been married well over 60 years and are also very happy and the light of each other's lives.

Nice to see a thread about happy marriages for a change! They do exist.

Of course happy long term marriages are possible.

But at 14 years you are a very long way off a long term marriage

Of course you can always be happy as the first time you met, it’s just rare and no especially achievable that’s all. A lot of people who claim they’re happy I think actually lean they’re ‘not unhappy’ and do a great deal of tolerating

I've been married 13 years and wouldn't really class it as long term yet. However, it's been a good 13 years so fingers crossed that continues.
All relationships need effort but it shouldn't be so much effort that it is exhausting. I do feel some threads make some marriages sound very hard work.

Well YANBU, but YABU to expect a relationships board on a parenting forum to be representative of the average relationship, when obviously most of the people starting threads will be looking for sympathy or advice. That would be like reading a magazine's problem page and expecting half the letters to be about nice husbands.

Yanbu. It’s also possible to WANT to spend time with your DP, which you wouldn’t think from talking to a lot of people.

I was 21 when I got married, 24 years ago, we have lots of fun and are still happy together.

Surely it's luck more than anything?

Met in 71, I was 24, he was 28. Married in 74, so 48 years. Two sons now in their 40s. We're retired now and still very content together. Yes, long lasting marriages can and do happen.

There's an element of luck, but there's also a role for common sense. It does help a lot to have grown up in close proximity to a good marriage where both parties pull their weight, clearly have a lot in common, and make decisions jointly in a sensible way.

14 years isn't that much.
All those happy marriages you think you see may not be that happy.
And it's hard to let go of something you've known for 20+ years so some people just put up rather than upsetting the status quo.

Yanbu
I came across a thread where people listed the lovely things their partners did for them. It's what made me sign up.

Hands down best thread I've ever read here!

If someone could find it would be brilliant, I've lost it!

Of course they can be. We're at around 30 years, still very happy.

You just don't hear about it because it's not the stuff that needs any support, it's normal that people will talk about their marriages more when they are going wrong than when they are happily ticking away in the background.

Same with dc, not all teenagers are horrors, but you are going to hear much more about those who are, which is normal. It would be weird to ask for help with dealing with your teen who is an absolute love to be around, wouldn't it?

It's great that you're happy, OP, and of course long happy marriages are possible. My parents have been married for 57 years and they still adore each other.

I wouldn't say that 14 years is a long marriage just yet though.

Dh and I have been together 27 years, married for 22. We seem to be doing OK so far. 👌

Agree with you OP. Being married to a lovely, genuine, fun person who shares your values and outlook to begin with, makes all the difference, from my experience. Being married to someone who feels like a true partner in adventure, and life (with all its ups and downs) makes such a difference. Whilst marriage requires making an effort, shouldn’t ever feel like work, imho. Otherwise what would be the point!

Probably is skewed on here as people tend to post when unhappy. Unfortunately a lot of them sound like they’re in miserable marriages, compromising and putting up with mediocrity. Sad. Maybe if they were more honest, didn’t settle, and focused on finding a more suitable partner, there wouldn’t be so many posts 🤷‍♀️