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Original poster

To say that long term marriage

107 replies

Bluey124 · 24/09/2022 17:13

Can be easy, fun and that you can stay in love as much as you always were?
This forum can be so depressing at times. We married at 23, still together 14 years later and very happy. Many of our friends are the same and this isn't looking happy for social media either

OP posts:
Explaintome · 24/09/2022 19:19

😆😆😆😆 At the idea of a 14 yo marriage being long and that such an experienced wife can pass such judgement.

A long and happy marriage is certainly possible, but to expect it to be forever easy and fun is madness. No matter how good the marriage itself is there are going to be periods of hardship, illness, bereavement. It's knowing that it's not always fun and easy, but that you can face it together that makes a long successful marriage, but all those things will absolutely challenge your relationship.

Fwiw my friends are mostly coming up to 30 or so years married and we've seen more separations in recent years than we ever did when we were younger.

Explaintome · 24/09/2022 19:30

It often seems to me that in long "happy" marriages one party is subservient. Often the one who believes themselves to be the most happy.

I was married for 30 years before DH died. We were mostly happy and we had a very good life together, DH would have said he was very happy, but he basically spent 30 years doing as he was told.

I was kind to him and I loved him, but he definitely deferred most things to me and didn't express any strong opinions that would go against me.

Bretonbear · 24/09/2022 19:30

findingsomeone · 24/09/2022 19:08

I feel like this is a very naive perspective and I really hope you don't get bitten on the bum. Sadly, I do think most men are arseholes. Lots of women put up with a lot. But until your significant other is dead and buried and nothing comes out of the woodwork five years down the line, anything is possible...

Show quote history

Totally agree. A lot of people in relationships think all is well and then boom it all falls apart. Also, 14 years isn't really that many.

DramaAlpaca · 24/09/2022 19:31

Fwiw my friends are mostly coming up to 30 or so years married and we've seen more separations in recent years than we ever did when we were younger.

Yes to this, unfortunately. I've been happily married for 32 years and hope it stays that way, but I've seen a few friends' marriages of a similar length fall apart recently. Maintaining a good, long marriage isn't always easy.

Dalaidramailama · 24/09/2022 19:34

Been with my husband since I was 17. I’m 34 now and still very happy but realise that actually we are still quite young. Anything can happen so enjoy the present and don’t take each other for granted.

Fingers crossed we make the distance. Kids are all approaching their teens now and we are still very much a team. Last night he dreamt he shagged me in a bus stop 😂….. so pretty sure he still fancies me.

totallyoutnumbered · 24/09/2022 19:36

My parents are 56 years married and still as in love as they always were. They have a great relationship that really set the standard. Me and
My DP are only a few years in but my parents say that we remind them of them at the same age ( we're in our 40s)

Lulu1919 · 24/09/2022 19:37

33 years married and we love each other to bits....yes he irritates me sometimes and I'm sure I do him..but for 99% of the time we live happily together
Two married children

Zingy123 · 24/09/2022 19:46

That's not a long term marriage.

Georgyporky · 24/09/2022 19:48

14 Years is not long-term. Good luck for the future.

Yabado · 24/09/2022 19:50

Met and married within 3 months
celebrated 23 years this summer

He’s a much nicer person than me 😂
I wouldn’t put up with me

ArcticSkewer · 24/09/2022 19:51

Bluey124 · 24/09/2022 19:11

All my friends are still with their husbands and partners. OK, all our kids are still all under 10 but out of 8 of our close friends, all have stayed together. Its good to hear similar stories here

Give it a few more years and see how that stat looks.

14 years is a medium term marriage.

Most people I know, including myself, either split up early or made it to about 18 years

needthiswilderness · 24/09/2022 19:54

My husband and I have been together almost twenty years - we met very young, or so it seems to me now (20!) - and the older I get, the more I realize what an utter blessing he is and how extraordinarily lucky we were and are. I took for granted when I was young that I would fall in love with, and have fall in love with me back, a kind, clever, funny, feminist man.... I know now that was never a given - ah so many of my friends have not been so lucky - and feed gratitude and love and effort back into my marriage every day to ensure we make it for the long haul. I would never be so hubristic as to say it is easy, but true and lasting love is real and spectacular.

LocalHobo · 24/09/2022 19:55

Met as teens and married 34 years. DH makes me laugh until it hurts and can still make me quiver with desire (at certain moments).
I never cease to be amazed on MN as to how many women expect so little in terms of co-parenting and household management from their partners. No wonder marriages don't last. Why set such a low bar? Having little ones, having teens, all put a relationship to the test, only a team can survive happily.
Only one of our, similarly long married, friends have divorced, and the ex-wife is hugely regretting the split having seen what slim pickings exist in the 're-sale' market.

mistermagpie · 24/09/2022 19:56

14 years isn't especially long. My grandparents were married for over 50 and my parents are close to that now.

I think what you see on here is women that are married to the wrong men and usually for the wrong reasons. How many posts are there about these men who won't propose, but the woman is still hanging in there and eventually trying to wear him down. I was one of those women and that marriage lasted 18 months. Or it's the people staying with their wrong person for the kids or because they don't have the money or support or resources or courage to leave.

I'm on my second marriage (8 years so far) and we still love each other and have a great time together, but who knows how I will feel in 40 years?

I wouldn't be too smug OP, you've got a long way to go if you're lucky.

BeyondMyWits · 24/09/2022 19:56

23 years tomorrow... we rub along together amiably... he's a keeper.

user1469770863 · 24/09/2022 19:58

46 years in and still wouldn't want to have spent my life with anyone else ...

BearBibble · 24/09/2022 19:58

Wow, all the people pooh-pooing the OPs 14 year marriage, aren't you a lovely bunch?!
OP, congratulations on 14 years of faithful commitment. I've been married 12 years and in that period probably 1/4 of my married friends have divorced, some after less than 5 years, some after 7 or 8 or 10. I'm proud of having stuck with it for 12 years - that's long enough to go through some wonderful things and some bloody hard things - and I intend to stick with it for as many more as we're both around. It takes work and intentionality to stay with someone for 14 years.
Being married 20 or 40 years is obviously a massive achievement, but there's no need to be so smug towards someone who's been married less time.

Bestcatmum · 24/09/2022 19:59

14 years? I was happily married for 20 when my husband went off with another woman suddenly overnight without bothering to tell me. I got the divorce papers in the post. I was in hospital at the time seriously ill. You'll excuse me if I don't think any marriage is "safe".

Explaintome · 24/09/2022 20:00

BearBibble · 24/09/2022 19:58

Wow, all the people pooh-pooing the OPs 14 year marriage, aren't you a lovely bunch?!
OP, congratulations on 14 years of faithful commitment. I've been married 12 years and in that period probably 1/4 of my married friends have divorced, some after less than 5 years, some after 7 or 8 or 10. I'm proud of having stuck with it for 12 years - that's long enough to go through some wonderful things and some bloody hard things - and I intend to stick with it for as many more as we're both around. It takes work and intentionality to stay with someone for 14 years.
Being married 20 or 40 years is obviously a massive achievement, but there's no need to be so smug towards someone who's been married less time.

I think it was the OP being smug that got people's backs up.

Polimolly · 24/09/2022 20:02

After 14 years of marriage, I also though my marriage was great. Two years later things changed radically. You just never know. Statistically 55% off marriages survive, but how many of those are happy marriages? You've been very lucky to meet the right person and hopefully you will continue being happily married for many years. It really is down to luck

AbcMurders · 24/09/2022 20:02

@BearBibble
sorry to hear about that - he sounds awful! 💐

AiryFairyLights · 24/09/2022 20:04

30years married next year and planning a road trip across Spain - can’t wait!

x2boys · 24/09/2022 20:04

I have been married 17 years ,it's not always fun but I think we do still love each other alot
Sometimes life gets in the way but I don't want to be without my dh .

Unicorn2022 · 24/09/2022 20:05

Yeah I was still happy and blissfully in love after 14 years of marriage. Now up to 30 years and counting the days till it's finally over. Things change when you hit your 40s and the kids get older.

handbagsandholidays · 24/09/2022 20:06

We got married at 17 and 18 but started 'dating' at 12 & 13... we are now 30 & 31 yet still happily married. It does happen and is common but people tend not to create threads about how much they love their partner so you hear less about it.