To think a breastfeeding chair shouldn't be too comfy?

[AliceAbsolum]

I may well be insane with this and pfb before they're even born. Do tell me if I am.

Baby due Dec. DH wants a big comfy chair in the nursery where he can put his feet up, lean back, etc. But I'm worried that makes it far to easy to fall asleep in, and that'll be a SIDs risk, and a more upright but comfortable one would be better.

What is/was your chair like? Any recommendations?

Jeshh... I'm sure I never used to worry about a frickin chair in this amount of detail.

@obsessedwithsleep

People with partners who pick up the slack can often then get more sleep

Hardly rocket science

Although maybe for some

I breastfed anywhere, using the rugby gold and bbhugme pregnancy pillow and nursing pillow to support baby.

I had the made.com Bodil chair for my own comfort in pregnancy as it supported all the way up to head. Upright too, so can’t fall asleep in. You don’t really want a slouchy chair for your own body support and comfort, you’ll be spending a lot of time sitting and you need support not slouch. So I agree with you but for slightly different reasons.

I sat in bed with the bbhugme pregnancy pillow around me supporting my back and elbows, like a doughnut. Then the bbhugme nursing pillow under baby, where your own arms would be holding them. It means you’re not always stiff and holding them in one position, arms can move - really beneficial when cluster feeding. You can also tie the nursing pillow around your waist so you can breastfeed whilst standing and walking comfortably. DH tied the nursing pillow around his hips a lot more than me to hold baby as men don’t tend to have hips to rest baby on.

If you are very tired, practice safe co sleeping, don’t sit in the chair. We wore jumpers and socks, no duvet or bedding and I would side lie and baby could feed like that without needing to be held. If would have fallen asleep, baby would be safe. You put your arm above your head and it stops you rolling over towards baby.

koala hold is a good one for reflux.

Is the nursery separate to where you’re sleeping? In which case my advice might not apply, as baby will be in your room for 6 months anyway if following Uk advice. If your DH wants a lean back chair for reading to baby then doesn’t matter once past sleep deprivation stage. SIDS risk drops off after 1yo, and still a risk until they’re a bit older (haven’t read up on it in a while so don’t want to say what age).

I’m a bit confused - if the chair is for breastfeeding why does it matter what DH wants? Or do you mean general nursery chair? Either way, hope my post helps and best wishes for the baby.

I used to lift baby out of cot and lie down with baby to feed. I would position myself so I would roll back if I did fall to sleep. Or I would feed and read. Once baby fed I would put back in cot.
If I was super tired, DH would wake with me whilst I fed. He would then do winding and settling as I went back to sleep. There were days we were both super tired so I would feed standing up.

Try not to worry too much. I think a comfortable chair is nice, especially as they get bigger.

You will be knackered and you will be OK. If you're worried about falling asleep with the baby then use your phone to stay awake! Also sleep in shifts. This bit is quite short.

@pickledeggnog
You are coming across pretty rude. Clearly your babies were good sleepers so with both parents pulling their weight it was fine. But if you have a terrible sleeper, even with a fair division of labour, both parents are going to be zombies.

But then I will definitely fall asleep! I'm planning on having a next2me cot so there won't be a barrier there. Might as well just Co sleep if I'm doing that?

---

I would like to not turn into a zombie. So maybe if DH does some feeds it'll reduce the risk overall.

Good God am I over complicating this? It seems simple but the reality is confusing

Lying down to breastfeed and falling asleep is obviously much safer than sitting up breastfeeding and falling asleep, or even worse sitting in a chair or sofa and falling asleep.

The ideal is that the baby happily settles in their own cot in your room, you pick them up and breastfeed them safely while staying awake and then lay them back in their cot to sleep.

However, you pretty quickly find that:
Babies don't like being put down at night and hate sleeping alone in a cot so will scream a lot if you try.
You will be exhausted from trying to get said screaming baby to sleep alone so when you do sit down to feed them you will be constantly falling asleep.
If you get your partner to stay up with you to make sure you don't fall asleep and help settle the baby, you will all be exhausted and fractitious.

I quickly decided that realistically the safest thing for me to do was to follow all the same co-sleeping guidelines and feed the baby lying down in bed.
Baby was happy and got enough sleep.
I got a reasonable amount of sleep (especially vital with babies 2 & 3)
Husband slept in spare room, got enough sleep and could do the evening and early morning 'shifts' to let me get a lie in etc.

Your sleep is inevitably disrupted with a newborn but I definitely prioritised the most sleep for the most people.

I wouldn’t worry too much about falling asleep while feeding op, I think that the body has a pretty miraculous way of being able to wake up, much more than I thought possible tbh.

You can BF in bed to start with, I found a boxset I really liked and then would watch that during night wakings. No issue with falling asleep.

i spent a lot of time in the baby’s nursery from the first day, either feeding or doing a contact nap. Nice to have a chair in but don’t need to spend loads of money on it

I wish I'd had q comfortable chair upstairs for those early weeks before I could BF lying down. I just could not get comfy enough with pillows on the bed. Focus on something which supports your back

DD2 was a nightmare sleeper

Still managed to get 6-8 hours a sleep a day, as did DH

Ah I hate it when I do this, spend ages on a reply then realise it is in AIBU! @AliceAbsolum you may find more helpful replies and less derailing in topic specific boards like under “Being a parent” and “Becoming a parent” www.mumsnet.com/talk

pregnancy forum - www.mumsnet.com/talk/pregnancy

Parenting forum - www.mumsnet.com/talk/parenting

this is totally untrue for lots of people and should be edited to say “you MIGHT find that….”

My babies were both happy to sleep in their cot and woke up once or twice in the night from birth for a feed and settled happily again

MN absolutely loves co sleep but tbh I found I barely slept doing it as I was only sleeping very lightly; and the baby was too wriggly after a few months to sleep well herself

Never had a specific chair. I found the best way to feed was lying down on my bed. Yes it's comfy, yes I fell asleep.

What works for you will be different to others remember, and whilst I'm not ignoring the sids risk, do keep it in perspective, a well rested parent is very important too.

My midwife in the hospital encouraged me to feed lying down (24 years ago now) but I personally think it's that that meant I stuck with breastfeeding which itself reduces sids risk

The chair can be used for bedtime stories after baby no longer needs nighttime feeds & is also useful if they are unwell. Get something comfy because one of you may need it overnight.

Thank you that's very helpful. I see what you mean. Maybe it's a trial and error thing.
When you cosleep I assume you have some sort of bed barrier on the edge so they can't fall out?

I was thinking the chair would go in our room for the first 6 months, then into the nursery.

Are you generally someone who falls asleep all over the place (I'm not being arsey, genuine question - I have friends who do this)? Because otherwise I don't think it's that much of a problem, or at least not as much as you are making it. I've had three babies, two of whom were crappy sleepers and I've never once fallen asleep holding them or feeding them in the night. I think you generally have some level of alertness when you are responsible for a baby. No drinking or drugs obvs.

Otherwise, get the comfy chair. Sitting on my shitty sofa feeding my third baby completely ruined my back, she's nearly three now and it's still not right. Actually thinking about it now, I never fed in bed - I used to come down and watch tv in the night, maybe that's why I never fell asleep!

YANBU. I used to have to come downstairs and sit in an upright chair to stay awake.

Of course in an ideal world you would feed the baby and then pop them back down in their own cot. However, unfortunately a lot of babies don’t get this memo! Neither of mine would be put down for at least the first month, so safely co-sleeping was the only way I could rest (though I kicked them back out as soon as they would tolerate aforementioned cot).

I love this so much ❤️❤️

@mistermagpie No I'm one to fall asleep anywhere. But who knows you're that tired!

@MiceInTgeHouse Glad to hear I'm not being completely irrational.

Set a five min alarm when feeding if your worried and even put headfones on incase baby falls asleep and you don't want baby to wake up
Problem solved

Don't buy a special chair, just use whatever you've got. We found having some pillows handy near armchairs and the sofa helped to prop baby up and support my back.

I did fall asleep BFing and dropped my baby but that was the stupid midwives' fault for refusing to suggest supplementing with formula when my milk was delayed and my baby literally starving. You're so tired you could fall asleep standing up (several times I felt myself going, and beginning to sway) so which chair isn't going to make much difference! Make sure you've got other people around to check in with you. It's also fine for you to sleep and someone else to hold the baby!

@pickledeggnog are you ok? Or just normally so rude and obnoxious?

Ps my dds both slept in my bed, no barrier, motherly instinct or something kicks in. We did have separate blankets though rather than a shared duvet. One one point 4 of us were in bed! Once able to express a preference they slept between us, I'm not saying it's right for everyone but look at the lullaby trust information on cosleeping so you are knowledgeable in advance (both parents too) when exhausted especially if you have had a c section if really can be a good solution (I broke my arm so couldn't lift dd hence didn't have much choice but it was the best option in the end anyway)

I breastfed lying down in bed with the express intention of falling asleep whilst feeding (so bed was set up safely for this) absolutely brilliant, we all got plenty of sleep, much more than friends who insisted baby had to sleep in the cot and wouldnt cosleep. Falling asleep in a chair because you’re knackered is always more dangerous than sensible, well planned Co-sleeping.

Baby needs to be with you/another adult for all sleep (including day naps) for the first 6 months at least anyway, so I wouldn’t worry about the nursery just yet.

and if you want to breastfeed, I’d focus on building up your knowledge for that. The numbers of women who physically cannot breastfeed are small, most can but what’s lacking is education and knowledge of normal feeding and normal baby behaviour.

If you do end up formula feeding, of course that’s fine but you’ll end up sitting in bed doing it most likely