To ask DS to not feed all his freinds

[Tonto2001]

DS is starting to get the the age where he's going out and bringing freinds back to play computer and chill in his room.

The other day he brought a few freinds round and whilst I am in no means a tight a**e, he ended up giving them loads of food (Treats mainly) and drinks that we bought DS for the week ahead.

We had a talk with him after and explained that we love that he wants to share but these things were for him for the rest of the week but I couldn't help feeling like I was being really mean.

I'd love to be able to say help yourselves but everything costs so much and now it means DS doesn't have some of his treats until we next go shopping.

How does everyone else manage it?

It’s hard isn’t it? My 13 year old is the same.

I think if the treats were for your DS anyway, and he’s old enough to understand then I’d tell him that the treats are his for the week but if he chooses to share with his friends there will be nothing for him until the next shop. He sounds like a lovely lad who would still choose to share with his mates!

Buy some snacks in specifically and keep them in a box. Cheap crisps etc. Then they can help themselves to that box.

My DS was buying his girlfriend’s lunch, at sixth form, on his ticket that I paid ! We had words about that.

Make him aware that if he wants to feed his friends its from his snack allowance and he doesnt get the snacks the following week.

Or how you've handled it is fine. But tbh I think if he has friends round its a bit off to not offer them anything like biscuits etc

Make him wait until the next shopping trip before buying anymore in. Then he will understand the consequences and decide if he wants to continue sharing.

I do remember as a child my mum complaining about similar. She was happy to hand out junk willy nilly while other parents were stricter about it. So of course, everyone loved our house! She used to buy cheap rubbish for guests and keep the good stuff for us!

You just buy a few loads of bread, and they have toast. Everybody loves toast, it’s much cheaper than junk.

Could you go to home bargain or b&m and buy cheapo crisps, those jumbo packs of like custard creams and bourbons that are like 50p, a bottle of squash and keep in it in ‘snack cupboard’ and they are only to go in there? My sister does this with her 14 yo who constantly has pals round Tbh I think they’d probably find it quite exciting as she will fill it up every couple of weeks and buy whatever is cheap and it’s like what’s in the cupboard today !

I have three teenagers and they generally ask before taking snack foods and are meant to (and usually do with a few slip ups) check the meal plan before cooking ingredients in the fridge to make sure they don't cook stuff bought for a family meal.

I'd say that if snacks are bought just for him he can share them or not but you won't be buying more than usual, so he has to decide whether he is happy to share and not have snack foods available til the next shop.

After all he's not being generous if there's no "cost" or consequence to him for his lady bountiful act 😉

I'd worry a little about the "buying friends" aspect if he gets in the habit of supplying a lot of "high status" snack foods. Some teens will come over for the snacks not his company if this is taken to extremes.

As others say some supermarket own brand crisps and biscuits or popcorn and own brand lemonade in the cupboard for sharing with friends is enough - giving them nothing is also a bit extreme, you don't want them to feel unwelcome, nor do you want them to take advantage.

My teenagers don't get bought personal snacks though - one of them wants a stash of snacks nobody else is allowed to eat they buy them with their pocket money and can then obviously do with them as they wish. When friends come over they ask what they can take to share.

Totally understandable you don’t want them eating all your stuff for the week ahead but it’s a bit mean not to offer them anything. I’d just buy bulk cheap stuff like own brand biscuits, whatever crisps are on offer etc and put it all in a box and let them choose from there. And I would also hope that they rotate where they go so it’s not always yours, and then your DS will be eating someone else’s biscuits and it all evens out eventually!

I agree with above - a large pack of own brand biscuits is very cheap. And it's nice to have friends over if this is the only issue with it. Just make sure DS knows which snacks to offer!

I’m of the view that if they are safe and happy at home then that’s all good. And anyone is welcome to snacks in our house. But I have a DD and I always make her friends feel welcome -I’d rather they chill at our house or one of her friend’s rather than hanging around on street corners,

Those broken biscuit boxes are fun, cheap and not always that broken. I make rocky road with the crumbly bits

Not if they’re putting butter on it!!

It's incredibly rude to have people round and not offer them refreshments so YABU

I'd hate to have had such tight parents growing up and would never be like this with my kids friends

We used to have this situation. We ended up buying some cheaper stuff for this use.

Oh no we do offer drinks of cordial and biscuits but this is like things that we've got that only enough for each day of the week for his lunchbox.
Definitely not starving them 🤣🤣

Cheap jam is your friend here.

Great if you're able to afford to feed snacks to all her friends. You can make people feel welcome without having them eat all the snacks

I don't really understand thе problem - he has snacks for the week, he's shared them with his friends. You make it sound like it's a punishment for him?

Sharing and being hospitable are good things - the natural consequence is that he doesn't have any more treats til you next go shopping, but that's hardly the end of the world!

If it bothers him, then suggest they use their pocket money to stop off at the shops for some snacks on their way home next time? That's what my kids learnt to do.

Buy cheap snacks for him and his friends and hide the packed lunch snacks.

Who just puts jam on toast though?

Babymamamama do you only have one child?

You can't take that approach if you have several teens (or even two) because it's unfair if one teen gives out all the best snacks to their friends leaving nothing for their siblings.

Get a special friend snack box of cheap multi packs. Tell ds if they take anything else the he goes without. Also make it a strict rule of one crisp packet per visit or 5 biscuits or whatever otherwise the locusts will finish the box in one sitting.

I agree with the people who've said that you need a grown up conversation with your DS about budgets and a stock of cheap snacks from Lidl which are specifically for his mates' visits. Top tip if your DS is old enough to cook it is a bag of popping corn - fun to cook, and produces enormous amounts of snack for negligible outlay.