To ask DS to not feed all his freinds

[Tonto2001]

DS is starting to get the the age where he's going out and bringing freinds back to play computer and chill in his room.

The other day he brought a few freinds round and whilst I am in no means a tight a**e, he ended up giving them loads of food (Treats mainly) and drinks that we bought DS for the week ahead.

We had a talk with him after and explained that we love that he wants to share but these things were for him for the rest of the week but I couldn't help feeling like I was being really mean.

I'd love to be able to say help yourselves but everything costs so much and now it means DS doesn't have some of his treats until we next go shopping.

How does everyone else manage it?

And you semN like someone who’ll serve the cheapest wine you can find to guests and put anything nice that they bring in the cupboard for you to have later.

I used to feed DD’s friends a lot and our house was a bit of a go to when she was a tween. It gets expensive, especially as it was chicken or nuggets, pizza etc. I agree with others, if they’re around a lot, I would offer a loaf of cheap bread and choice of a couple of low cost own brand spreads like jam and peanut butter plus the biscuits. If this is still a pinch, perhaps your ds and his friends can ‘earn’ the money doing something for you that you normally pay for?

This rationing idea made me chuckle ...

I buy a pack of cheap biscuits and a loaf of white bread, for toast. I freeze the bread. Got to have something for children's mates.

I think your conversation was fine. It was his first time entertaining friends and would put it down to a learning experience.

I think needs change as kids get older and these things have to be funded to be honest. He will start to have friends round...they might want a snack...unless you're really cash strapped I think you sort of have to accept it and suck it up.

Having said that, I think a bag of crisps per kid is fine. I wouldn't give more than one bag out but not for financial reasons...more because it's too much junk and not really necessary IMO.

Do you have children/teenagers? I find it hard to believe you do from your post..

If it's only his treats he's sharing then I'd say to him that's all you have for the week. Keep them or share them, it's your choice. Don't take anyone else in this household's treats, just manage your own.

If he wants to share them instead of eating them all then fair enough. It costs the same either way.

Whenever I've seen these I worked out it was more expensive per kg than not broken ones!

Agree with the poster who said toast, as that's what we got when I was a kid (didn't have snack/junk food). Remember my mum moaning about making endless toast. Of course, I would make them do their own!

I do something very similar to this! ⬆️

We regularly seem to have a house or garden full of teenage boys! I'm pretty laid back about it but I do insist that they tidy up, put their rubbish in the bin, bring all the cups back to the kitchen & take their trainers off if they're coming inside.

I quite like this next stage in my son's life - it beats playdates & soft play hell, any day!! 🤣

Lovely he has shared

bur he’s eaten /used them all up now

if he keeps on doing it

so he goes without till next time you go shopping

or you buy if can afford it some extra cheap biscuits or crisps for £2 and again once gone they are gone

Yes toast is a great idea.

Just buy a cheap loaf and keep it in the freezer. He can then just take out enough for what his friends need!

There are some advantages to being the house where friends are welcome. One has a better idea what they're up to. I would chat with DS and establish a budget and procedures for friend snacks. Also teach DS to cook for them. How to make popcorn, for example. My DS got into baking cookies for his friends.

@Tonto2001 does ds go to his friends house as as well or are they all coming to yours every day

toast and jam or fried egg Sarnie sounds fab

YABU and yes, mean and tight. You can’t have guests round and not give them treats.

They are not OP's guests. She didn't invite them, she wasn't expecting them, she hadn't planned to feed them. And if she did want to feed them, there's no need for 'treats' - they just get whatever's in the house that can be spared.

And OP shouldnt feel obligated to feed them more than once a week or so.

If you are near Home Bargains, it is your fun mum friend 😁 lots of really cheap (crap) treats.

I've gone back to biscuits in a tin, they are still quite cheap if you get own brand. Biscuits and squash are a cheap treat.

teach him how to make popcorn from scratch - not the "packs" for microwaves. A bag of popping corn for a few pounds will go a long way, keeps forever in the cupboard, requires a bit of effort so not eaten mindlessly. A bit of salt (or add some spices to the oil) and you have loads of snack food. Very popular with visiting teens when mine were that age.

Not obliged, no, but it’s a nice thing to do.

Don't underestimate the benefit of knowing your kids friends and him being happy to invite them round. It's reasonable that there's a finite budget for treats, though, and if he chooses to share them all with his pals there's not going to be any left for him later in the week. If you're around, obv's a big plate of hot buttered toast for them to share will be cheaper, as would a big bottle of cola rather than individual cans. Personally I'd just stretch the budget by buying cheaper brands and be pleased he was sharing.
FWIW I'd love for DD's friends to hang out at our house occasionally, but apparently we're too embarrassing, and they all head to another girl's flat where the parents are never in!

@oohyoudevilyou

Have always had this attitude, to the point where one of DS's friends knocked towards the end of the Ireland match, I barely looked up, said, come in, sit down , shut up, I will talk to you in a few minutes.

I asked Ds today if said friend was offended, he replied no, you love us, you feed us, you water us, ( beer)

He has been coming into this house far too long to be offended. 😂

Ah, the aLOLgorithm is at play once again

DS and his friends never expected to be fed in each other’s houses. They all took snacks and drinks and ordered pizzas if hungry. This started because they met in one , central, home more than the others.

So brilliant that ds wants to bring his mates over & that they feel comfortable in your home. It doesn't help you with the cost of food although some good suggestions up thread.

I'd be so chuffed if I was you op xx

Give him the choice - there’s your snacks for the week, up to you if you share with friends or keep yourself! If they spread the hosting around it may work out ok, if not he has to decide how to use his snack budget!

I think this depends how tight your budget is. If either you or his dad have brought yourself a takeaway coffee or wine or a friend a drink then you can buy his some extra treats for when his mates come over. If you really cannot afford it then that is another matter. I just wonder if you can afford it by cutting out something for yourself.