To ask DS to not feed all his freinds

[Tonto2001]

DS is starting to get the the age where he's going out and bringing freinds back to play computer and chill in his room.

The other day he brought a few freinds round and whilst I am in no means a tight a**e, he ended up giving them loads of food (Treats mainly) and drinks that we bought DS for the week ahead.

We had a talk with him after and explained that we love that he wants to share but these things were for him for the rest of the week but I couldn't help feeling like I was being really mean.

I'd love to be able to say help yourselves but everything costs so much and now it means DS doesn't have some of his treats until we next go shopping.

How does everyone else manage it?

Get them some ‘buttery spread’ and have done 🤣

@viques

Jam and no butter?

Goodness me, what shitty hosting have you been up to?

A round of toast and Nutella will still work out cheaper and more filling than cheap crisps etc though

Personal preference, if I am having butter on toast it is just butter, if any other spread then no butter underneath. Same as with scones, either butter OR jam and cream. Anyway teens are well known for getting crumbs and other gunk in butter because they haven’t grasped the one knife one spread principle, so it is actually a sensible solution to this issue.

Reminds me of the Railway Children when they are adjusting to their new genteel poverty:

”Jam or butter, dear — not jam and butter. We can't afford that sort of reckless luxury nowadays.”

Heavens, countless years of butter apartheid and all the time I have been channelling my inner Jenny Agutter and never realised .😀

@sponsabillaries

to be fair most of us can’t nowadays!

Make it clear if he wants to share his stuff that it's not being replaced.
And have some cheaper things in that you're happy to be shared

Not having endless snacks at someone's house doesn't mean they'll end up hanging on street corners. If they want to hang indoors, they will. If they don't, they won't.

You sound like the type of parent that will let a bunch of underage teens drink alcohol at your house because "it's better than them doing it on street corners".

Sorry just seen that he's shared his lunch box things.
Make it clear (diff box) in the fridge / cupboard what are for lunches and meals.

But he could always ask also!

Why do we have to feed snacks at all?!

being welcoming doesn’t equal snacks

why do people need all these snacks anyway?! The constant snack, snack, snacking is probs one of the reasons why we have such a problem with obesity

How old is your DS?

Mine are secondary and we have snack boxes of stuff for each child (to avoid DH anyone eating more than their fair share) and they can eat whatever they like from it whenever they like, or share with whoever, but once it’s gone it won’t be topped up until the next shopping day, which they know in advance. I’m actually thinking of trialling them with a budget each and getting them to do their own top-up shop - we did this once in the summer holidays and it was a good exercise. It teaches them you can have fewer branded Doritos or more unbranded tortilla chips etc. Might be an idea?

If DS doesn't have treats until you next go shopping because he shared them with his friends, so be it and probably good for him on many fronts.

These things are swings and roundabouts surely and if he's at home eating from your cupboards he's not asking for money to buy burgers/drinks in town.

If you're completely on the breadline and people will go hungry as a result, that's different.

When I say ‘snacks’ my kids have stuff that’s to cover both packed lunches and what they eat at home. If they polish off all their lunchbox stuff, or feed it to their mates, well, they’ll be only having a sandwich for lunch for a while. Their choice.

Tell him is cordial and biscuits only.

I've been having similar convos with my DS. I don't create a scene when he has friends but have had to remind him that 'once it's gone, it's gone'. But then you get the sad little face when he comes home from school and looks in the cupboard! It's the same when his friend/s are still here at dinner time - you can't not feed them but sometimes I simply don't have enough to go around and I feel so mean saying 'right, it's dinner time, you'd better get off home'. It wouldn't bother me so much if it wasn't so one sided.
When I was younger, I had a friend who's DF worked for a confectionery/vending machine company. Around once a month he came home with boxes of just out of date goodies. The whole street piled in!!

A basket with stuff from B&M

I try to get extra snack foods in if I know my kids are bringing friends over. I want them to be comfortable coming to my house because then I know where my kids are what they're getting up to.

If you’re happy to provide some snacks, get a plastic tub and fill it with cheap crisps/biscuits and Lidl or Aldi fizzy drinks.
Make it clear that it’s to share with their mates and won’t be replenished until the following week when it gets emptied.

DS (13) still asks us for snacks or drinks and never helps himself even though he could do. I’m sure this will change as he gets older.

In my case, it’s feeding unexpected extra friends proper meals that ended up increasing our food budget. As a result, I’ve recently bought an air fryer because it’s quick and easy to make proper chips from ordinary spuds and cooking cheap chicken goujons or fish fingers to make a quick cheap meal to tide them over.

I'd do similar to what pp have suggested and maybe buy a selection of cheaper treats that he can provide when friends are round, and keep the weekly supplies hidden away. We live next door to the local park where the kids hang out, so our house is used as a public toilet during the school week, and I keep a bulk box of cheap crisps, biscuits and fruit out for them to take from as they're always "starving" after school. No one seems to take the piss, and it means my posh chocolates don't get raided! 😂 I get this won't be an option for everyone, especially if on a tight budget, but I like the fact the kids get to play out with their mates, who otherwise would probably walk straight home due to starvation. I probably spend about £5 every few weeks topping up the park snacks, and it's money worth spent to know they're all having fun, not glued to screens.

My DD14 often brings her friends round after school which I have no problem with - especially as they go to the shop first and buy their own snacks! Perhaps you could suggest his friends bring some food?

if they’re still around at dinner time, I have no qualms in telling them to leave. Unless it’s been pre-arranged.

And I never buy fizzy drinks/juice anyway so they have to buy that themselves if they want it - it’s water or tea in this house.

Wow read the room 🙄

The OP wasn’t saying she wanted them out hanging about in street corners but if you are budgeting, which most people are right now, then having a bunch of kids eating your family’s treats that have been allocated out for the week then that’s something that needs to be addressed with the DS

If you are in the privileged position of being able to provide unlimited snacks to friends then that’s great but be a bit empathetic to those that are having to be a bit more controlled with their food right now

It’s funny as my DS moans that some of his friends won’t let him eat ‘snacks’ at theirs. He finds it unwelcoming and uncomfortable (he’s older though). Fwiw these are well-off families, more so than us and I never begrudge him sharing here. If it was a regular thing I’d buy cheap snacks specifically for him to share round, but it isn’t (they tend to go to pub now but the other day I was here and he was dishing out crisps etc).

Buying friends with high status snack foods is the best thing I’ve ever read.