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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have written to the school?

99 replies

imissedabit · 23/09/2022 22:16

I have written to dd's school four times in my life (she is 18) and all within the last few months. Firstly, in relation to her end of year results, then about her career guidance, then about a tragic awful crime and now because they've brought in a new principal. I know that things change and I loved change when I was young but I'm just concerned whether they have any continuity of care?

I feel like they probably think that I was someone who suddenly got access to the internet or something!

If you were a principal, would you just write me off as some sort of deranged lunatic?

OP posts:
MolliciousIntent · 23/09/2022 22:18

You wrote to complain that there's a new head teacher? Seriously? Why!?

OutDamnedSpot · 23/09/2022 22:18

It’s hard to know whether you’re being reasonable or not, without knowing what you complained about.

I mean, if it was literally just that they got a new principal then, yes, you’re obviously being unreasonable, but I presume it’s a bit more than that?

what’s the full story?

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 23/09/2022 22:19

I think it's a bit odd to write to them about a change of principal - that happens all the time, surely? Also with your DD being 18, seems like it's an odd time to start suddenly writing to them. Are they even allowed to discuss stuff like her results and career guidance with you as she's an adult?

I think a bit more context might be needed to understand why you felt these issues needed a letter?

rattlemehearties · 23/09/2022 22:20

I'm confused. She is 18 and you are writing to the school? What school year is she in? Surely she can advocate for herself if there are any issues? Arrange a meeting if you need to?

KindergartenKop · 23/09/2022 22:21

Surely it depends on what you say?

What are you planning to write in the letter?

LeafHunter · 23/09/2022 22:22

I think more context is needed.

MichelleScarn · 23/09/2022 22:22

Break it down- what were the actual issues with
-results
-the crime, could school have stopped it?

  • what do you expect re the new principal?
BeyondApproach · 23/09/2022 22:25

MolliciousIntent · 23/09/2022 22:18

You wrote to complain that there's a new head teacher? Seriously? Why!?

Nope. I wrote to the acting principal to thank him for helping dd during a difficult time and to ask what all the acronyms meant! 😆

Zuyi · 23/09/2022 22:26

I said YABU for thinking you're unreasonable for writing to the school, if you see what I mean. Write away! They're teachers, they love words. I'm sorry there was a tragic crime, I hope your child is OK.

BeyondApproach · 23/09/2022 22:26

I wasn't complaining at all!

BillHadersLeftEye · 23/09/2022 22:27

Have you had a name change fail @imissedabit @BeyondApproach

MotherOfCrocodiles · 23/09/2022 22:27

Name change fail

BeyondApproach · 23/09/2022 22:27

I just never wrote to her school in 14 years of education and I've found myself writing 4 emails in as many months! I'm pretty sure the school didn't really know that I existed.

BeyondApproach · 23/09/2022 22:28

BillHadersLeftEye · 23/09/2022 22:27

Have you had a name change fail @imissedabit @BeyondApproach

Yes. Same poster. Me.

OutDamnedSpot · 23/09/2022 22:31

Your follow up posts aren’t making any more sense than your first, so, I’m voting “yes”. They think you’re a deranged lunatic.

BeyondApproach · 23/09/2022 22:33

No email was a complaint.

The contact with the school was for the following reasons:

Her results: Could they manage her expectations? Were they aware of her circumstances?

A controversy with a teacher: An email of support of their stance (in response to their email)

A tragic circumstance:

An email of support again (in response to their email)

New appointment of new principal:
Once again in response to the email, just asking whether there would be handover to the new principal about my daughter's circumstances.

rattlemehearties · 23/09/2022 22:35

What's your point OP? Many parents write emails to school.

BeyondApproach · 23/09/2022 22:35

I just get the impression that I've managed to get to 18 years never contacting a school apart from parent/teacher meetings and now I've bombarded them (the acting principal) with 4 emails and they must be wondering ''where the hell did she come out of?'' 🙄

Zuyi · 23/09/2022 22:36

It is absolutely fine! It's normal, you could have written a lot more and been normal still. Why are you worrying about it?

BeyondApproach · 23/09/2022 22:37

rattlemehearties · 23/09/2022 22:35

What's your point OP? Many parents write emails to school.

I'm just wondering whether I've awoken from the dead or something lol

BeyondApproach · 23/09/2022 22:37

Zuyi · 23/09/2022 22:36

It is absolutely fine! It's normal, you could have written a lot more and been normal still. Why are you worrying about it?

I'm worried that they'll think I'm a lunatic (I sort of am).

Purplepeoniesdroppingpetals · 23/09/2022 22:38

I wouldn’t worry at all. You’re allowed to ask questions - it’s maybe more unusual from a parent of an older child, but I get loads of repeat emailers on issues far less important than what you’ve suggested.

BeyondApproach · 23/09/2022 22:42

Purplepeoniesdroppingpetals · 23/09/2022 22:38

I wouldn’t worry at all. You’re allowed to ask questions - it’s maybe more unusual from a parent of an older child, but I get loads of repeat emailers on issues far less important than what you’ve suggested.

That's reassuring.

I suppose it didn't help that in introducing the new principal there were a lot of acronyms involved and I sat on my hands for 10 minutes and then had to write to tell the acting principal that unless you explain acronyms, it's nonsensical.

So now I'm afraid everyone will hate my dd (because her mother is an arsehole) or maybe they'll understand why she is the way she is and give her a sympathy vote! 😂

scrivette · 23/09/2022 22:42

This week I have written an email to the school because

  1. My child has been seated next to the child that has bullied him for years
  2. They haven't sent me an email they said they were going to send
  3. The school hadn't set DD up on their payment system
  4. To change the collection arrangements for DD
  5. To confirm payment

This is all in 4 days so I don't feel your emails are excessive.

BeyondApproach · 23/09/2022 22:46

scrivette · 23/09/2022 22:42

This week I have written an email to the school because

  1. My child has been seated next to the child that has bullied him for years
  2. They haven't sent me an email they said they were going to send
  3. The school hadn't set DD up on their payment system
  4. To change the collection arrangements for DD
  5. To confirm payment

This is all in 4 days so I don't feel your emails are excessive.

Thank you! 4 emails in 14 years (albeit all to the same poor principal) sounds ok then. She has never had issues at all, touch wood, so I've been lucky.

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