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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset Mum hasn’t bought anything for my baby

80 replies

ktlgh · 23/09/2022 15:04

Context, i’m 31 weeks pregnant, this is mine and my partners first child.
We have a baby shower planned, unfortunately 2 weeks before my due date to accommodate my mum and little sister due to said little sister’s dance commitments - mum would refuse to move/rearrange, and its important to me they are both there so i’ve had to take the risk of having the baby shower close to my due date.
Now, she hasn’t bought a single thing for the baby, or even mentioned any kind of gift she’d like to get, which would be fine if she hadn’t done this for my brother’s child as well, but she did.
I don’t want anything expensive, literally a card and a blanket or something would be perfect, but i know if i mention it to her, she will try to use money as an excuse; yet she goes to her friends most weekends and finds £20 to spend on bottle of alcohol and taxi home.
This is where it upsets me, I feel she can be quite selfish and if she comes to the baby shower without anything I will be a bit upset, but i don’t know if thats me being unreasonable and I shouldn’t expect anything but her presence there.

OP posts:
JenniferBarkley · 23/09/2022 15:07

Brace yourself OP, you're going to get a lot of replies screaming about the horror of the baby shower Wink

The bottom line is that she bought a gift for your brother's baby, so YANBU at all to be hurt if she doesn't do the same for yours (assuming her circumstances haven't changed).

However, just to play devil's avocado - you have quite a while left to go, and some people don't like to buy for a baby that hasn't been safely born yet. Don't write her off just yet.

ExtraOnions · 23/09/2022 15:09

“Devils Avocado” … all Avocados are the Devils work as far as I am concerned

Plenty of time for a gift …

ApolloandDaphne · 23/09/2022 15:10

You still have 9 weeks to go. How do you know she isn't going to bring something to the baby shower? If you have a younger sibling who lives at home then I can see why your DM might prioritise her commitments rather than your baby shower.

Teacaketotty · 23/09/2022 15:10

I think if she isn't buying a big item, like pram or cot etc. I would expect to receive smaller gifts after the baby has arrived - why would she give you a card/blanket now? Or maybe she's planning on at the baby shower? Which is the point of them is it not?

Sorry OP I know it's hard but I think hormones may be clouding your thinking here.

Shoxfordian · 23/09/2022 15:10

She hasn’t turned up to the shower without a gift though so how do you know she won’t bring you anything?

WaddleAway · 23/09/2022 15:11

Err… you haven’t had the baby shower yet, so how do you know you won’t be getting a gift?
My mum didn’t buy anything for any of my babies until they were born (I didn’t have a baby shower), but that’s fairly normal isn’t it?

ZeroFuchsGiven · 23/09/2022 15:14

Baby showers are naff.
No one owes you anything for your baby other than the Father.

qwertyqw · 23/09/2022 15:14

YANBU if she gifted ur brother's child something and didn't gift yours. Was that also at a baby shower or after the baby was safely here?

As pp said, I'm afraid I am Anti-Baby Showers, especially where you're expected to bring the baby/mum gift. I feel like they are less about the baby and more about what everyone else can contribute to you having a baby.

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/09/2022 15:14

The baby isn't here and the shower is a while away.

Wait and see.

Suedomin · 23/09/2022 15:14

Perhaps she is waiting until the baby is born? I don't really understand the point of baby showers. A get together with friends before the baby comes I can see the point of. But a shower with gifts etc before the baby is born seems odd. I like to wait and give the gift once the baby arrives .

Hugasauras · 23/09/2022 15:16

Won't she just bring a gift to the shower? Confused how do you know she's not planning to buy anything?

namechange30455 · 23/09/2022 15:16

Surely she'll bring the gift to the baby shower? Isn't that the whole point of it?

Hugasauras · 23/09/2022 15:16

I didn't have a shower with either of mine as I think they're awful things, but we got gifts after the babies arrived, so plenty of time left!

WaddleAway · 23/09/2022 15:17

namechange30455 · 23/09/2022 15:16

Surely she'll bring the gift to the baby shower? Isn't that the whole point of it?

That’s what I was thinking… why have a baby shower if you’re expecting a gift before the baby shower?

ladydimitrescu · 23/09/2022 15:17

The baby shower hasn't even happened yet!!!

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 23/09/2022 15:19

I didn't have a baby shower and my mum just got what was needed.

Sunbun19 · 23/09/2022 15:19

Your post makes you come across as very entitled tbh

Some people prefer to give gifts when a baby is actually born instead of giving them at baby showers

Your mum hasn't even not got you anything yet and you're already fretting about it, just try and chill out a little

ladydimitrescu · 23/09/2022 15:19

"A card and a blanket would be perfect"

Well you wouldn't get a card before the baby is born? She's obviously either bringing something to the shower or when the baby is here. You're premature on being upset.

MintJulia · 23/09/2022 15:21

Yabu. That's what the baby shower is for. And lots of people think it is bad luck to buy anything too early.

houseargh · 23/09/2022 15:22

Card/blanket type gifts generally come after the baby is born

Hearthnhome · 23/09/2022 15:22

The baby hasn’t been born yet and you haven’t had the shower yet?

Why are you getting upset before something has happened?

hiredandsqueak · 23/09/2022 15:22

Well I bought my dd and my ds lots of things for their babies when dd and dil were pregnant but that was my choice and they didn't have any expectations. Had either of them been totting up what I spent and griping about what I hadn't bought I wouldn't have bothered tbh. Most people I know buy gifts once the babies are born which I also did.

10HailMarys · 23/09/2022 15:22

There's still 9 weeks to go before your baby is born and 7 weeks to go before your baby shower. Why on earth would you expect anyone to be buying presents for your baby at this stage?

BEAM123 · 23/09/2022 15:23

So your baby shower is in 6 weeks time, and your mum still has almost 6 weeks yet to think of something to surprise you with, or ask you what you'd like?
I think you are maybe feeling a bit sensitive, which is totally understandable, but give her some time. She might have bought something earlier on for your brother's child (when she bought them a gift isn't clear from your post), but that was then and this is now... I know that I have gift events that I miraculously manage to be organised for months ahead, and others happen a few days before...but they all happen.

It sounds like this is a broader issue for you about her priorities and what she spends her money on, and whether you feel prioritises, rather than the baby shower gift per se.

Original poster
ktlgh · 23/09/2022 15:30

Because that is what she did with my brothers child - I am only expecting as thats just what i’ve seen her do.
We’re not expecting gifts at the baby shower - as i said if this was something she had done for my brother, for other people, if she just wasn’t into buying then the thought wouldn’t have even crossed my mind.

I’m expecting her to not turn up with anything because thats the type of person she is - but as people have said, i’m pregnant, hormonal, i may be overthinking it and like they say, she doesn’t owe us anything 🥺

OP posts:
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