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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child (momentarily) left on school bus

123 replies

Busybus · 23/09/2022 12:22

My 5 year old gets a school bus. It's a private company with a driver and bus assistant. DC started getting the bus at the start of the year. Its so convenient and generally we have had nothing to say about it but good things.

Two weeks ago on the first day back, I went to collect DS from the bus. When they pulled up, the usual children got off and as I waited for my child, the doors closed and the bus drove off. I had to run after the bus shouting at them to stop. The stopped at the bottom of the street and let my child off. No big deal -not great but these things happen. I laughed it off and that was that.

Yesterday, my daughter was upset not long after we got home. She said that in the morning, when they had all got to school, everyone got off the bus except her. She couldn't unbuckle her seatbelt and the bus started to move off, so she shouted 'no, no, no!' so the bus driver would hear her. Luckily he did. Going by what my child said, the bus had started pulling off but hadn't got very far. He unbuckled her seatbelt and helped her off the bus.

When she told me I was a bit annoyed for her but glad she had got off the bus ok. The more and more I thought about it, the more upset I felt. I woke up several times last night thinking about her shouting 'no, no, no!' and how she must have felt.

I spoke to the assistant this morning as I wanted to hear her side of story. My DC tends to be pretty good at remembering things accurately but at the end of the day, she is 5 so it's important to get all the facts. The assistant didn't deny it. In fact, her response was 'yeah but the bus hadn't got very far...I'll keep her beside me today'.

Something about it didn't sit right with me. I told one of the other mums and I ended up getting a bit upset. The other mum reminded me that situations like these can end up tragically and it dawned on me that while my child was OK in the end, who knows what else might have happened, and this doesn't take away from how scared she was.

I then told DC's teacher who took it very seriously and passed it on. I wasn't emotional, just wrote the facts as I had them and explained my concerns. The bus company has been informed and said it won't happen again. I didn't want to make a big deal about it but my instincts are saying that I need to protect my child (and other kids too). However my instinct when it comes to my kids can't always be trusted, as I can be a bit on the over protective side.

I'm picking my child up from the bus soon and I'm dreading seeing the assistant who most likely has been reprimanded for something she didn't seem to think was a big deal. I'm not sure how to handle it. Human error happens, everyone has made mistakes or overlooked things so I don't want heads to roll. I just feel sorry for my little girl and so many different scenarios have gone through my mind.

Yanbu: the bus assistant should have done a head count and final sweep of the bus and not to do so was dangerous. You were right to escalate it.

Yabu: everyone makes mistakes and it was just one of those things, DC was fine and you should have left it at that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Busybus · 23/09/2022 12:23

I didn't mean to type DS then change it to a 'she'. That was a mistake. It's about my daughter.

OP posts:
MarinoRoyale · 23/09/2022 12:25

You were 100% in the right to raise it, sounds like the assistant was cutting corners by not making sure all the kids got off.

MRSE20 · 23/09/2022 12:25

I think that they should do a headcount at this age if I’m honest and I agree with you

Plumbear2 · 23/09/2022 12:26

They should definately keep a register and count them on and off. My kids high school do this on trips so I would definately expect it at 5.

Plexie · 23/09/2022 12:27

I'm not familiar with this type of set-up, but what on earth is the point of having an assistant on the bus if they're not there to check that the children are getting off at the correct destination? Surely that's what they're there for?

The poor little mite is only 5 years old! YANBU.

MarinoRoyale · 23/09/2022 12:28

Just thinking about it again, what if your child had fallen asleep on the bus and woken up on an unfamiliar location? Not unheard of, especially aged 5 - mine frequently still dozed off even on short journeys, I’d want to know what measures they were putting in place to prevent a third incidence taking place.

PuttingDownRoots · 23/09/2022 12:30

When my similar aged DDs went by bus the escorts had a list for each stop (with lists of who can collect a child, like the school would have!) which they ticked off, and at the school end would do a sweep for children and lost property. (They also did a property sweep at the end of the route each day)

Making sure all the children have got off where they are supposed to is pretty basic really.

moonypadfootprongs · 23/09/2022 12:31

Once - it's a mistake and these things happen although they shouldn't.
Twice - becomes negligent in my opinion. It also means they haven't learnt from the previous occasion. It's good that your child could shout up and alert them that she was still there. But lots of kids at that age couldn't. My friend daughter who is a similar age is selectively mute. She would have just sat and silently cried.

girlmom21 · 23/09/2022 12:32

The assistant isn't doing their job and deserves to be reprimanded. I hope DD is ok.

Clymene · 23/09/2022 12:32

The bus assistant is there to ensure all children get on and off at the right stop. The fact that twice she has failed to do her job is dreadful. Who pays for the bus? I would be furious

LoveBluey · 23/09/2022 12:34

Oh this makes me feel so sad and like you I would run through all the what ifs and worse case scenarios. It's good she could shout up but even so it could still be scary. If it were my child I think they would probably also shout up but expect it would make them worry about the bus journey in future.

HoppingPavlova · 23/09/2022 12:36

This makes my blood run cold. We have had several deaths in the past year due to kids being left on buses at the end of the run, I am in a hot country though. I may be missing something but I just can’t understand how it’s not standard to do a walk through and check if the bus at the end of the run to check there is no child left on the bus, especially given that (here) if you fuck up a kid dies or if lucky lands in hospital in a very bad way which may or may not end well.

Needmorelego · 23/09/2022 12:36

Yes there should have been a head count and hopefully they will be re looking at the procedure.
However I think you should tell your daughter she was very clever to call out "no no no" - it may have scared her at first but it did the job and the driver stopped.
A lot of children wouldn't do that. Especially at just age 5. It was quick thinking by her so you should be proud.
I would say to her if it happens again to call out loudly and clearly "hold on driver - I can't undo my seatbelt" (or "find my bag"/"reach my coat" or whatever).
Don't turn this into an incident that she remembers as frightening but as a proud moment where she thought quickly and solved the problem.
Maybe you can suggest to the school that all the bus children are taught what to do in similar situations.

HappyHamsters · 23/09/2022 12:38

Thats awful, poor little girl must have been very scared. Would you feel happier if she sat at the front of the bus. The assistant does need to be reprimanded.

PeekAtYou · 23/09/2022 12:38

The bus company were lucky that your dd was confident enough to shout no. Some kids would be too shy to shout out and would have been stuck on the bus until someone realised.
You did the right thing imo.

Original poster
Busybus · 23/09/2022 12:46

Thanks all. My daughter can actually be quite shy so she must have been in a terrible panic to have shouted out so assertively.

I'm not sure how to handle the interaction with the bus assistant. I already spoke to her this morning so I didn't totally go over her head and to be honest, i don't really care what she thinks as she was responsible for my kid. However I do want to behave appropriately, respectfully and for my conduct to be above board iykwim.

Those who said that I'm being unreasonable, can you please elaborate why? Thank you.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 23/09/2022 12:48

I think you should just interact with her entirely as normal

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 23/09/2022 12:51

The school buses don’t have escorts on buses around here. The bus drivers do check numbers on and off again. Your daughter has learnt that if she shouts she gets heard so good on her!

2bazookas · 23/09/2022 12:52

You're totally over-reacting.
There were two mistakes, both were spotted and corrected by the adults responsible and there's been a follow up from the school . No harm done.

StudentNurse3 · 23/09/2022 12:55

What is the point of the assistant if they are not there to help with seatbelts and your DC had to shout to the driver to stop? Where was the assistant? Very negligent.

MindYourBeeswax · 23/09/2022 12:55

How awful! of course you can't trust them. Ask them to provide a taxi and escort for your dd.

Somethingneedstochange · 23/09/2022 12:55

Is there no escort for the bus? There should be for children this young. Some do end tragically. Your daughter was able to use her voice to let them know she was still on. But if she had special needs or had fallen asleep she might not have been able to.

SalviaOfficinalis · 23/09/2022 12:55

2bazookas · 23/09/2022 12:52

You're totally over-reacting.
There were two mistakes, both were spotted and corrected by the adults responsible and there's been a follow up from the school . No harm done.

They weren’t spotted and corrected at all - the first time OP had to run after the bus, the second time DD had to shout that she was still there.

YANBU to escalate your concerns, but don’t overthink the interaction with bus assistant, just be normal.

dormouses · 23/09/2022 12:55

The assistant's job is literally to look after the children on the bus, so they failed in their job. Something similar happened with my DC, the person in charge was removed and hasn't been near the bus since.

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 23/09/2022 12:56

Also, No body is going die by being left on a bus on the school bus run in the UK. The worst that happens is the parent realises the kid is not on the bus rings the school, the school rings the company and the driver or another brings the kid back home safely.